As I sit here, feeling totally beaten up, I will once agin try to write.  Starting from today and going backwards....it started out fine, then the vacuum cleaner totally ceased to work.  It was no more.  Taking on the task to research vacuum cleaners and their ratings was daunting as I was burnt, but it had to be done.   Then I chose to clean the garage, which proved to be a failure.  I was so annoyed that my dh had left it such a mess, empty water bottles, empty plastic bags, wire ties, everything you can imagine, I just started in with a vengeance.  For a while I was getting things done.  As I came to a quarter empty bird seed bag right next to the bin we use for seed, I decided to fill it up.  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH...can you hear my scream of anger???????  There wasn't bird seed in there after all, it was dry cement, and when I poured it in, a huge cloud blew up into my face, my hair and my clothes!  Man, I was REALLY not happy.  (I know the imagery is pretty funny, and some day I will laugh at this-but not today).  Needless to say, all the bird seed now has to be thrown out.  I had just washed my hair, which is a big deal since I usually only have to wash it every four days.  It is yet, one more thing I have to do.

Who in their right mind would put something different in a bag already marked as something else??!
Fine.  I tried to dig some of it out with a dust pan but just managed to make more of a mess all over the floor and more cement dust all over me...  I took the aluminum garbage can and moved it outside so the garbage man would dump the whole thing.  What a waste of money!  So that's a new vacuum cleaner and a 40 pound bag of seed we have to buy that was not planned for.

So I continued cleaning..bumped into a metal shelf where my dh had put beer bottles on a shelf, and one fell.  Good news it didn't break, bad news it exploded.  So there is beer all over the floor under the metal shelving unit and across the garage floor.  I took a sheet, put it over it and walked out and sat down here.  I GIVE UP.

Yesterday, we went to our local parade, then a BBQ at the firehouse.  My second oldest has seemed quite down the last few days and yesterday's festivities did not change that. I've been worrying about that.  Even when I ask her in a variety of ways, I do not get an answer.   Energy was low for everyone that day.

Friday was my deaf daughter's b-day and I think she had a good first ever party.  Of course I had to sub that day, and all the children, from K-3rd took huge amounts of energy to engage and control.  Then I rushed home.  I had my dh and 2nd oldest go out and pick up the birthday cake and balloons.  I wanted my deaf daughter to come home from school to lots of balloons and ribbons hanging.  And all the presents laid out.   I had a friend of hers come over, and we had pizza and her birthday cake.
Remember how I told you she was always signing a cake and blowing out the candles?  She had never done this before, but she was always so excited when it happened for her sister and now it was to happen for her.  When the time came, she couldn't do it, she was too scared.  We kept encouraging her, but she would not do it.  Finally I told her I would do it with her, she said O.K.  1-2-3 blow....I didn't, but she did.  What a smile of success she had on her face.

After the cake was finished they all went outside and rode bikes, walked etc., came back in and opened presents.  Her smile could not have been bigger, and her eyes could not have been more filled with astonishment as she opened each gift.  They then watched the movie "Mr. Bean".  Which is the perfect movie for someone that doesn't hear.  That took it to 10:00.  My daughter's head hit the pillow and she went to sleep with a smile on her face.  It was her very first birthday party.

Thursday was zoo day.  Me, the twins, my deaf daughter arrived at the zoo at 10:00 and met up with her friend from deaf school and his Mom.  For six hours we roamed around the zoo, and still didn't see everything.  Halfway through the day, she stopped me and signed, "I love the zoo."  Wow, I thought, this is so perfect.  She was very joyful throughout the day.  The day even amazed me.  The animals actually put on shows for us.  Instead of standing still, like giraffes always do, they ran, kicked their legs up and played.  It was so wonderful to watch.  Then those huge Bison that stand ever so still, weren't so still that day.  The largest male was actually dancing around.  I couldn't figure out how this creature weighing as much as a VW bus, could dance so lightly on its feet!  Then he would run around and around in large circles, and throw himself down in the dirt pile, wallow around, snort a few times, then jump up, he did this for at least 20 minutes.  And there were displays from other animals as well.  We saw a lot of babies too.  We saw a really lovely interaction between a mother and her lion cub.  As we parted in the parking lot and said good-bye to her friend, he gave her a birthday gift.  She just stood there and didn't reach out.  A minute went by, I told her to take it, she just looked and stood there.  I told her again to take it, I then realized she probably had never been given a gift before and didn't understand what to do.  So I took it and put it into her hands.  She just stared at it.  I explained it was a birthday gift.  She had a blank face and then her face broke into this smile of joy and understanding as if to say, "It's for me, it's really something for me."   All in all it was a perfect day.

We hit a lot of traffic going home, but we finally got there.  I ran in, changed into my EMT gear, and drove quickly to where we were staging the mass disaster drill.  I barely got there in time.  They had real moulage (blood, bones etc) and smoke machine filling the area.  After 2 hours we finished.  Our firehouse went and had dinner and I finally came home and collapsed, to wake up the next morning at 5:50 am.

I think that I have mostly caught you up.  I have one picture now to share, more will follow later.

I have a nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough. I should be planning more family type things, and creating more stimulating activities to do for everyone. But I often have so much to do at the computer, homeschooling research and lesson plans, USCIS issue, letters to the Superintendent of School, planning play dates for everyone, and so much else, I feel I am dropping the ball in oh so many ways.  It is frustrating and has kept me up at night thinking about all that I haven't accomplished.  I hope to do better this week.  I do have a pile of papers that need immediate attention, and just thinking about approaching them shuts me down and makes me immobile.  I would like to complete that pile by the end of Tuesday.