Several bombshells...

If you remember my deaf daughter revealed to me that she hadn't been left at the orphanage at 2 years old as her papers had said.  She had told me that she had been abandoned as an infant but a woman in a village had found her and adopted her.  She lived on a farm in a town with her parents, a brother and two sisters and a dog.  They had brought her to the orphanage at around 5 or 6 years old.  My understanding was so she could get her hearing 'fixed''.   She even drew a picture of the street she lived on and her neighbors.  At that point, since her Sign was limited, we stopped talking about it.

Last night the rest of the story came out - it was a bombshell.  My understanding of what she shared is the following.  Her parents did bring her to the orphanage at 5 or 6.  But not to be adopted, it was for an education.  Because she lived over two hours away, she stayed there to go to the deaf school.  At around 8 or 9 they came and picked her up and brought her home for a while (summer vacation/Chi*ese New year?).  She told me that there was something at her house, that made her sick and throw up, something green.  I was never clear what it was.  And I think she said others were sick also. At sometime she said her Father worked very hard all the time and made enough money to buy a newer and bigger house.  She also had a dog.

My understanding is because she lived at the deaf school during the week, she was only at the orphanage for the weekends because she couldn't go home.  It seems that her parents would come see her and bring her home every 1 or 2 years.  The last time she saw them was on the Chi*ese New Year, a year before we adopted her.

From my direct questioning, she said that her parents do not know where she is and as far as she knows she was not supposed to be adopted. She thought she was just going with us for a little while and would be returned to her parents....  This information, if verified, overwhelms  me with grief and sadness for the pain she has suffered this past year and her parents who have lost their daughter.

I wrote to a lawyer in China last night that does pro bono work for an organization called Baby Come Home. for kidnaped children.  I hope that he will be able to get some information for us.  The last thing she said to me before she went to sleep was, "When we go to China to see my Mom and Dad, can I stay?"

There is so much to share about the two new daughters.  Most is promising, with only a few frustrations along the way.  Life does  have a way of keeping you on your toes, just when you start relaxing wham a huge challenge presents itself.  And yes I know, life doesn't give you anything you can't handle...  But there can be a time or two when you're not so sure.

Since I am on duty tonight, I won't go into all the details because I do need to get to bed.  But I will share one success with you.

When my deaf daughter had only 8 months of american sign, she wrote a sign poem for a school contest.  Her category was ages 9-12.  Well, darn if she didn't win first prize!  I mean, she's only known the language 8 months!  I then get a letter telling me that the school is submitting it to the National contest.  Oh, I thought, that's interesting and then I forgot about it.  About three weeks later she comes home from school and informs me that she won 1st prize.  Now it took about 15 minutes for her to explain it.  I wasn't sure that she was actually saying that because she still is mixing up her signs and perceptions.  So I contacted her teacher, and you know what?  My daughter won 1st prize for ASL poetry in the national contest!  How can this be?  Here she has only been using the language for a short while and she competes against kids who have been using it all their lives!  

I made sure that she understood how HUGE this was, and how proud she should be of herself!  Tomorrow she will perform it one more time at her school and I will be the proud Momma sitting there beaming ear to ear.  I'll try and get some good pictures.

A short post because it is quite late but I feel guilty for not posting, so...I am.  I believe that most of my readers are female, but correct me if I am wrong.  Having said that I want to share with you on "What your Mother never told you about menopause."  I personally had never heard of any of these things until they snuck up on me and said, "Welcome."  For those of you that have not arrived at this glorious time of life yet, let me tell you what happens.  First for no apparent reason you start to gain weight even though nothing in your diet or exercise has changed.  And when you go to lose it, it is almost impossible to take off.  Then there are those waves of sheer exhaustion that come crashing down on you and you just have to lie down or you'll fall down.  Memory, forget it! Literally.  I used to be a Type A personality now I'm Type Z.  Things roll into one's brain and right out again.  It's ridiculous.  The most important and simplest things are forgotten.  And finally there are those 'down' periods that pull you in and sit on you.

I tell you it's not fair, especially when that 'M' word can stay for up to 10 years. I've had several serious talks with my body about it, but have gotten no where.  SO I say to you all Beware, it is just around the corner and it's not  pretty picture.

I sometimes move so slow.  I can't get up to speed and thinking of all that I need to get down just overwhelms me to a standstill.  I do not like that feeling.  There is a lot going on at the moment, and a lot of balls to juggle, but still I do want to keep order.

OK some updates:
My new daughter did start high school in Feb, after we won our case.  She LIKES it and is doing well.  I actually called a meeting of all her teachers, and you know what?  They all showed up and listened and responded.  I explained to them the differences of an immigrant child and an Internationally adopted child.  How they learn differently and the issues that are associated with them that effect their learning.  One point that I made that was very important was for them to realize just because her social and reading English is good, it still takes 5-7 years for cognitive , deductive reasoning and abstract thinking to be acquired.  I said that we were a team and any time that I could help at home with the work to let me know and visa versa.  Boy did that feel good after fighting the Middle School for so long.

My twins have excelled to the point that their teachers wrote a letter to the principal of the Middle School (yes the same) that they will be going to next year saying it would be a disservice to them not to take 7th grade English (ILA) (They will be in 6th grade) because at this time they are probably on an eighth grade level. If they were to be in 6th grade they would be bored. They will also be in 7th grade Spanish since their 5th grade didn't have languages offered, and they will be in honors math.  Right now they are in a school an International School that only goes to 5th grade.  With all that I had a meeting with the Principal, and she gave me an indication that she agreed it would be best to have the girls go up those levels.

My deaf daughter is wearing us down.  Her life skills and knowledge are on a 4 year old level and she constantly has to be watched and reprimanded.  She does so many things wrong I have felt like a bad Mom because it has been so hard to find any break in her behavior or choices that I can have a calm period with her. So I knew constantly disapproving what she does really does not help her or me.  I just couldn't figure out what to do because she can be so frustrating.  Finally I decided to read a book to her at bedtime.  We sit side by side on the bed with the pillow behind my back and she's curled up with her bears and I read the story.  That is my calm/connect moment with her.

My eldest is excited about entering high school especially because she got to choose her school.  She will be majoring in Japanese, the language, culture and literature.  In addition she will be doing all the other required high school courses.  She is beyond thrilled.

Me, I'm well, that's another story for another time, it's getting late.

A Connection

I am so excited by everyone welcoming back.  I was so sure you all would have given up on me by now.  I sure would have.

I took all five of my girls to my friend's farm and we sat on towels with binoculars and looked at the supermoon and the constellations.  It was so much fun.  Then the girls started playing moon tag because it was so bright out that we didn't need flashlights.

I had a very sweet moment with my deaf daughter tonight.  They don't come often, this may have been only the 3rd time since we brought her home.  And for the last several months she has been acting like a complete four year old who we needed to watch every moment.  Anyway, if you remember I mentioned that a while back she had told me that she had been adopted before by a Chinese man and woman when they had found her abandoned as a baby.  I am going to skip sideways for a moment to something that occurred two weeks ago.  It had been a disappointing day and I felt like I needed a hug.  So I went over to my deaf daughter and hugged her.  She asked me why I did that.  I said that I felt like I needed a hug.  She gave me the strangest look.  I asked, have you ever been hugged before?  She gave me a shake of her head with a disgusted look on her face.  I told her that I was going to teach her about hugs and what they were for.  She did not look happy.  Now back to tonight.  I went in to say goodnight to her, and knowing hugs are still taboo I just stroked her forehead.  She looked at me.  She said my Mother in China used to stroke my forehead to put me to sleep, and she showed me how she did it.  Then she described two siblings that were disabled in a way that made me guess CP, epilepsy, or some other muscular malfunction.  She said her Mom had to feed them, dress them and put them to bed,  I asked, how many were in her house.  She counted, Mother, Father, her, the two disabled children, two much older kids and a baby that had been abandoned that they adopted.  A total of eight. I wish I could find this family but she does not know the name of the village.

But from tonight, I have learned a way into her heart, which I had never been able to find before.  I now know  that I can stroke her forehead to connect with her on a Mother/daughter level.

I'm baaaack!

I start again.  Today is St. Patrick's Day.  And many years ago when my twins were little someone told them that if they put their shoe out a leprechaun will put a treat in it.  I thought that was cute, so I did it.  Little did I realize that by doing that I had started a tradition that I have to do for the next 20 years or so.  When my oldest daughter came, then I had to do one for her.  Now my two new daughters need to be included.  That's five shoes and five treats.  Now you think that shouldn't be that hard.  The fact is I never remember to do it until the morning of when THEY remember to put their shoes out.  SO I have to run around trying to find green treats.  Today I had to go to five stores until I found five freshly baked mud pies with green mint cream in the middle! And I had to hurry to figure out how to put them in the shoes before the first daughter came home. So I got some green tissue paper those gold doily thingies and put the pies on a gold doily and then green paper and into the shoe.  Well, the screams of delight as each one came home was wonderful.  And I heaved a sigh of relief and swore to my self that I WILL remember next year before the day..

Tonight, the twins, age 10, helped my deaf daughter with all her homework.  It was so cute to watch.  They were so patient, and my deaf daughter didn't become frustrated at all even when she couldn't get the answers.

I will catch everyone up on the news, but I will do small posts each time so it isn't so daunting.

I will also post more pictures.  Bye for now to anyone who has stuck around...

It is a New Year and I will be posting pixs and updates tomorrow the 2nd, because my house guest will be departing and all our social engagements will have ended.  So do come back tomorrow for the updates.

See you then...

Countdown to the Holiday...

My twins love to torture me with telling me exactly how few days are left till THE Day.  Oh the agony of being behind...  I woke up at 4:30 this morning with my mind racing on all the things I need to do, haven't done or forgotten, and in between all that trying to give quality time to the girls, and bunnies.  Am I stretched a bit thin?  Yes, I think so.

On the lighter side, I sang the Messi*h with a symphony and a 100 voices.  My dh came and all five daughters.  I knew my deaf daughter would be bored so I told her that she could bring a book and things to draw with.  I also was clear that I expected her to behave like a 12 year old, not a 4 year old, which meant not slumping down in her seat, putting her hood over her face and going to sleep.  She didn't do any of that put she DID hold her book up high enough to block the view of the person behind her, and she did put her bright yellow coat on backwards.  My other daughter who was sitting next to her told her to stop.  I am seeing all this because I'm up in the balcony with the other sopranos.

But the sound of us was amazing, it truly just blew everyone's socks off.  As we ended a roar went up from the audience and they were on their feet even before the clapping started. Wow!  Four of my five really were impressed with the performance, what a great experience.

And today for the first time I got to sing with my twins. The chorale that I sing with arranged with the mall to do a random act of singing.  While we are all there we didn't interact but all of a sudden one person started singing, then another, and finally you had about 35 people singing in four part harmony Chr*stmas carols.  The people at the mall (and there were quite a few) went nuts and really enjoyed it.  My twins and I sang together, it felt wonderful!

I will continue tomorrow, I must get some sleep now.

Hawk

Look what was sitting on top of one of our three birdfeeders looking for breakfast this morning!

We won!

Some of you might remember that I filed a complaint that my daughter's rights had been violated in the Middle School.  Well, after many months of phone calls meetings and such...we have won!  What does that mean exactly?  Well, when the government looks at this sort of complaint they look using three categories, and under each category are many sub categories that need to be looked at.  Our school district apparently violated something in all three including discrimination.  I totally missed that one, but they also flagged several other issues I was not aware about.  I am so excited.  So, the District will be responsible for paying for a qualified teacher on a one to one basis from the time she enrolled in March to June of last year.  That translates into them paying for summer school this coming summer.  They will have to pay the high school since she will be going there and the high school is a different Board of Ed and has a different District attorney. She will get support in all of her classes and have a separate time for tutoring. Not only is this and more happening, but I am thrilled to know that they are not going away when this is wrapped up.  They are watch dogging the District and they will have to send in reports on what they are doing to identify ELL students what testing they have done and the support that is being given.  SInce the school system has never done that before it became clear to the Government  Attorney that there is serous problem there and they will be watching them for a long time.  That means other students who come into the school system will finally get the support that they deserve and have the right to receive. So my daughter will start High School right after the holiday vacation.  Wow, we really did it!  And if I remember correctly, I think I filed the complaint in May, but the problems started two weeks after she had started school in Feb/March.

What a very busy time.  The three performances of four of my daughters with the Symphony were great.  The city has been producing The N*tcrack*er for over 25 years, and many said that these singers were the best they have heard in a long time.  There were only 18 children singing.  Now I'm rehearsing for my concert with the symphony.  There are 90 singers, the sound is truly magnificent. But hitting all those high notes for two hours is exhausting.

We trimmed the tree tonight.  My two new daughters started out a bit slowly not sure exactly what to do and why.  But they quickly got the hang of it.  They both want their picture taken in front of the tree, and I will post that.  My deaf daughter is beside herself with excitement about Santa Claus coming to bring her presents.  She can barely wait.

I'm decking my halls, and trying to figure out presents for the five girls, stay within a tight budget (HA-good luck with that) and having apoplexy about wrapping everything for five stockings, and all the presents that go underneath the tree.

I'm off to sleep (what's that?) now so I don't have to remember everything I am forgetting (Like totally missing my sister's holiday party...) and trying to remember everything I haven't done yet that needs doing.  Sigh, I hope I can sleep through the night, or at least what's left of it.

She is 14 years old!

This her very first Birthday party and her first birthday presents.

It was hard though to get her to agree to even acknowledge her birthday.  She said she just wanted it rolled into Christmas.  I said, "Oh no, in America we have a tradition to make that day special."  And it took a whole lot of talking and a lot of listening behind her words to understand what was bothering her about her birthday.  Two things, she didn't want the attention on her, and she didn't want us to spend money on her.  She is such a sweetheart.  I finally persuaded her to see a movie with two of her sisters. The twins were at a Girl Scout tea.  I looked through all the available movies, searched the trailers to show her the choices.  Finally I found one I thought that she would enjoy and would be visual enough for my deaf daughter,  But I had to find every trailer on this movie to show her before she would say "Yes".  They all enjoyed the film immensely.  She did have a wonderful day.  Before the movie they all had singing rehearsal for the "Nutcr*cker".  Then we went to a holiday craft show, and my friend had a table there and my birthday girl got to pick whatever she wanted!  And somehow all five of them ended up getting something. My friend is their 'Auntie'.

My daughter and I went to order her cake which was to be ice cream and the great thing about this store is that I always order their cakes for the girl's birthdays and since the owners are Chinese they can write in Chinese the birthday message and name!

I tried to explain to my deaf daughter today the concept of 'future'.  Whew that is a tuffy!  I used examples like graduating form HS then college you can have more doors open for you to follow your dreams, but you do badly in school you don't get into college and your choices are limited.  Now I used much simpler words describing this. Like what you do here will effect this here (Pointing forward).  Then she had a "Ah ha" moment when I explained how In HS I worked hard to get good grades and even did extra when I could, and I got into college.  That opened the door for me to go to Engl*nd one summer to take summer school (her eyes widened at this).  Because I liked it so much there, I thought how can I get back there?  So I worked even harder at college and was able to go to graduate school there and then stayed another year to work.

Well, by this time she was thrilled!  She 'got' the cause and effect.  What a joyous moment for me. Now I do not expect anything from this, BUT I know a seed was planted and I will continue to reenforce it with choices she is making presently in her life.

Susie, Leslie and Skyblue, you both have an excellent idea and I must and will do a chart.  Tomorrow, I will start.

Leslie, thank you for your encouraging words of support.  When comments are written such as yours, I often think, "Doesn't everyone have a busy life like mine full of responsibilities."  I mean I just think I'm normal, a typically stressed out parent.

Ruby, thank you for the offer to connect me with the parent.  It would be nice to compare notes with her.

Cara, I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Thank you for your offer to share experiences with our 12 year olds.  I will be contacting you.  The only consequence that means anything to her is taking away computer time.

Again it is extremely late, and tomorrow is an early start.

Morning

Thanks Sue for that encouraging comment!

Can you believe I am actually writing this in the morning instead of at 11:00 at night?  And I actually wrote a long one last night.

The past three mornings she has chosen to play instead of dressing properly, brushing her teeth, putting hearing aids in, making her bed, putting her work in her backpack the night before and making lunch the night before, eating breakfast.  I really got on her this morning because I had enough.  She even went outside before the bus came, I had to run around outside in my p.j.'s to find her and demand she go back into the house, and replied "No" 4 times before she finally went.  Her hearing aids were still laying on the table.  I asked her if she had eaten breakfast because I didn't see her do it.  She nodded and pulled an empty banana peel out of her coat pocket.  I asked if she knew not to put open food in her pocket, and she said,  "Yes".  Then why did you put it in your pocket? There was no place to put it.  I said you could have walked inside  and put it in the garbage.  I took a wet wipe and washed the inside of her pocket.  Meanwhile the bus came in the middle of this.  I told her to go to the bus, but instead she went and started to sit down on the floor and change her shoes.  I said NO! Go to the bus!  She started crying that she had gym today and I explained that she had plenty of time to put on the right shoes before.  She went out to the bus crying stood at the door of the bus for at least 45 seconds to a minute refusing to get in.  I had to send a sister out to tell her to get in.

HOMEWORK  - She did not do her reading because she was too busy playing last night.  I was not able to monitor her because I had to deal with a horrific 2 car head-on collision and I didn't get home until quite late.

My husband said she seems to be regressing into original behavior patterns.


Couple this with last night and the past 12 hours have not been great.  Before rushing out for my EMT duties, the two abandoned bunnies created HAVOC with my other bunnies.  The only way to fit them in was between two of my bunnies' cages.  Apparently since they both were fixed just a day ago their hormones were raging so I had to separate the two new ones so their stitches didn't burst during attempted hanky panky.  Great now I needed to create ANOTHER space that I didn't have.  This of course set off more chaos.  My two new bunnies started running around trying to get at my two bunnies (On either side of them), jumping climbing, hopping to see or get at each other.  My two who are usually pretty calm were going berserk.  But with new smells and everyone pooping and marking their territories....  I was up to 1:30 this morning calming down my two bunnies with floor time and treats.  Then everything was quiet.


I came down this morning, after dealing with my daughter and saw one of my bunnies and a new bunny (male) trying to fight each other through the enclosure and thick towel separating them.  And found my other bunny had escaped sometime last night, or should I say this morning since I didn't leave them until 1:30.  This bunny is only about 3 pounds, very tiny.  She could have been anywhere in three large rooms. It's 6:30 in the morning at this point I call my twins down to help me find her.  They come running down in all manner of getting dressed and we start looking. I call her name several times, nothing then out of the corner of my eye I see something coming towards my feet.  YES!  It was her! I scooped her up.  That is the first and only time she has ever come to me when I called.  After this came the final drama with my deaf daughter.  I'm tired.


Final thought.  I just got an email from a fellow EMT that was with me last night, our patient died.  Imagine his kids, Daddy is coming home from work as usual, except this time, Daddy won't ever be coming home.  Puts all of the above in perspective.  A mere hiccup in life compared to a devastating life tragedy.

I am sure with my previous lack of presence that I lost a lot of followers.  I also think that after things mostly settled down after the adoption adventure people lost interest.  But I will continue for a little while longer for those faithful followers that are still there.

My daughter who is deaf , It's really hard not to write about what frustrations she has given me.  She has been writing in books again, they didn't belong to her.  She continually 'forgets'  almost every responsibility that she has like coming downstairs in the morning WITH her hearing aids in, with her bed made and clothes picked up, supposedly was to make her lunch the night before, her schoolwork was to be already put in her backpack and she was to be downstairs at the LATEST 6:15.  What is supposed to happen rarely happens.  Two mornings ago she got downstairs 10 minutes before the bus was supposed to come, and she hadn't made her lunch or breakfast or put her hearing aids in , etc.  Now mind you while she was upstairs I kept going into her room and hurrying her up.  Even when she only had 5 minutes before the bus, she seemed to not comprehend, or care and moved slowly. This morning she came down in time because I heard her.  When I got to the kitchen she was sitting on the floor playing with magnets on the refrigerator.  It was 15 min. before the bus came, no lunch, no breakfast, no hearing aids, no backpack...  Again I let her know that when she doesn't follow the rules and take the responsibilities  seriously she is only hurting herself.  And I gave examples. The frustrating thing about all this is that my daughter lives for instant gratification of what ever she wants or whatever she wants to do.  Her concept of future is nonexistent.  Fathoming what 'future' means is at this time impossible. So it is hard for her to understand consequences.  And so it goes.

On a lighter note four out of my 5 daughters are singing in the Nutcracker Suite with a Symphony, and I am singing in the Messiah with 100 other voices and a Symphony.  And my daughter who is deaf is amazed and overjoyed at the tradition of The Shelf Elf and how when she wakes up every morning he's in a different place...

I need to end now it's 1:15 in the morning and besides having to take two abandoned bunnies in today and trying to find room around the 5 other bunnies here has been very difficult and my night ended with an EMT call to go to a horrific head on crash of two cars and trying to save one of the driver''s life.

Hello again, late start on trying to keep the blog up so I will just write a short update.

You know as a parent you feel you sometimes 'get it right'?  I mean, you have a child that's crying their heart out for unknown reasons and you know how important it is that you find out what was wrong, and you feel you have said exactly the right thing and said the right words of encouragement and validation to the point of giving yourself a good old pat on the back?

My second oldest, who arrived in Feb., was on the computer and she had already had her computer day, so I asked her to shut down.  But in the past when I asked, I had walked away and come back 10 minutes later and she would be still on.  So after 4 minutes I still see her clicking away and I go over to look at the screen and see a message in Chinese pop up and I assume she is still writing, so I say, rather loudly, "Now!"    She said,"I'm trying."  And my dh pipped in that it tool a long time to shut down all the programs. SO I just let it go.  Twenty minutes later my daughter who is deaf comes down and says my daughter is crying.  So I go up and sit on the other bed and she's totally under the blankets with her head covered.

So for the next hour I talked with her, telling her that it was OK if she was mad at me for telling her "Now" in a strong voice, I'm still here, we're not going anywhere, we are your family, etc, we've only known you for several moths and sharing is a way for us to know more about you so we can be more supportive, it's important to talk about what's making you sad, keeping it in doesn't make it go away, and there were times I would not say anything telling her I would just sit there and wait until she was ready to share.  Still after an hour, she stayed under the covers crying.  Then my pager went off saying there was a multi vehicle accident on a main road.  I asked if she felt it was all right for me to leave because multi means more than two cars, she nodded her head, (still under the covers) and I took off.

Yes, it was a four car accident that closed down a large part of the road.  All four vehicles were totaled.  It's a good thing I went because only two other EMTs from my Department showed up.  It took three ambulances to transport all the patients, we had two, another one had two, and the third had at least one maybe two.  I got home about 3.5 hours later.  My dh had dinner prepared, and the daughter who had been so upset needed to be woken up because she had been sleeping, we ate, and after the kitchen clean up I suggested to my daughter that we finish the conversation that I had started.

We sat down and I said, "All right, what was so upsetting to you this afternoon? Was it one thing or several that had piled up? Do you want me to ask a question or would you like to just start talking?"  There were long pauses with no answer to each of these questions.  So I said the "We love you, you are family, you can say anything....Etc"  Thinking that I'm about to solve a huge problem for her, heal a hurt, sooth the parting from her Grandmother or helping her feel more accepted into the family, getting more involved as a family member, you know all the BIG things.  I was thinking, this is good, movement is good.

I tried for 45 minutes and she just said it's nothing, and I replied, "Nothing doesn't make you cry and hide under the covers..." Back and forth we went, I said, "When you say it's nothing, and there's nothing to say, I find that hard to understand because something was upsetting you, so I am not going to accept 'nothing'".

Well, guess what?  All that, "I'm making a breakthrough, I'm really reaching her, and whoa I'm really saying the right things..." was bogus.  It WAS nothing.  She was just very tired and it turns out she becomes overly sensitive when she is tired.  Hmmmmmmmm, guess the only thing I learned from this is — she becomes sensitive when she's tired.

Well at least I learned something from all that.

I apologize for taking such a long break

Nothing serious has caused me to cease writing for a while.  I do appreciate all your concern and missing me.  As I wrote a friend previously who was a bit worried at me silence, my sister was diagnosed with cancer, my deaf daughter hauled off and pushed two classmates and has been sneaky and breaking rules everyday and since she only knows immediate satisfaction in everything she does with no concept of tomorrow,or purpose for doing things such as school - so it's a huge struggle everyday, one of my twins has started to shut down emotionally more than ever and just presents a rock hard exterior, I've had to put my oldest daughter into adoption therapy which we can't afford and I've identified a huge gap in her cognitive thinking and comprehension and now need to find the right testing for her, I finally got the Deaf school on track with the curriculum for my daughter after driving up there three times, it's taken 5 months for the Deaf school to finally get us a sign teacher to come to the house and I'm the one who found her, I feel I'm not a good Mommy on most days because I seem to have developed into a hard, no-fun person which really bothers me, we're still dealing with the hole in the dining room ceiling and all the furniture and rabbits piled into the living room, dh still doesn't have a job and I keep looking, making sure all the bunnies are getting enough attention and floor time is non-ending, I had to go through re-certification classes AND the 2 hour 150 question test and three practicals to renew my EMT license and tests just totally strips me of any self confidence and fills me with fear (and I don't know if I passed yet), I'm trying to figure out how to do Christmas, and then there are the rehearsals for singing in the Nutcracker (four out of my 5 are singing), and the piano & violin lessons, and it seems EVERYONE needs help with their homework every night..... That's basically why I haven't had the energy to write anything on the blog.


There you have it.  I'm sure all parents can identify and are going through the same thing, I just became emotionally spent and wasn't able to write and re-live what was going on.  By the time night came, I just wanted to go to sleep.

I will really try to write something every day now, and catch up on the family as a whole because it is all changing. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I never thought that I was old enough to be considered an antique...  I was asked to bring my Sti*ff stuffed animals to the museum today for a showing of antique toys.  That means, my toys that I grew up with are antiques!  How did this happen?  I can't quite grasp the concept.  But yet...when I figure out how old my stuffed animals are, about 50 years old, I 'guess' they are rather old, but antiques?  Sigh.

Some of my girls think it's pretty funny, hurumph to that.  I tell them, you just wait until your toys get to be antiques and see how funny it is then!

If antiques are worth money, does that mean I become more valuable the older I get?  It is a dilemma.

My deaf daughter DID draw a picture of what she remembered of where she had lived with her adopted parents in China.  She didn't just draw a house, she drew the whole street, with all the houses and the next block which was the town square where they sold their vegetables.  And she had taped 5 pages of printer paper end to end to complete it.  She even had her out house in the picture.  Next door was her friend who was little boy.  She described all the festivals they shared and the neighbor that had the biggest house, which was also in the picture, that always had good celebrations with peanuts and roasted sunflower seeds. They lived on a farm and produced vegetables.  She described her good-bye party and the food they served.  The details were so exact, that I have to believe she was at least six years old when she went to the orphanage.  Oh and she remembered her Father showing her photographs and she pointed to someone in the picture and asked "Who is that?"  Her Father replied, "That is you!"  She said she wondered why there weren't any baby pictures of her only little girl pictures..  Amazing, she took me on a whole journey through her life before us.

Halloween is befuddling me because my new daughters can't think of anything they want to be for Halloween.  Even with many suggestions nothing has interested them — yet.  I hope to post pictures of whatever the outcome.  I shall make this a short post as I am trying to  catch up on some sleep.  Then I will be able to share more tales of my Five Blossoms.

Ah yes, it became late again without me knowing it.  But I will put as much news that I can before I am too tired, again.

We now have a definite date when the US Depart. Of Ed. will come and question the school district.  It is in about two weeks, yeah!  So hopefully my daughter can go back to school soon.

The twins are finally settled in at their new school and actually loving it.  And they had an audition for a modeling job that could put money into their college account.  I will let you know if they get a call back.  Oh I do hope so.

My daughter who is deaf still 'entertains' me with her actions and perceptions of the world. I find if I keep listing them you all will become bored, so I will just high light the real biggies as they come up.

My eldest seems to be taking huge steps to healing her past.  Working together, and finally understanding certain issues that I had missed before has helped in the communication department.  One is, that I realized that she didn't understand, accept or know what to do with efforts we make on her behalf, no matter how large or small.  For instance, when she needs more face wash, I try to get it within two days, or she asks to take Karate, we find a class for her.  So, this is what I suddenly realized that I needed to do.
I asked her, "SO why do you think I would drive 45 minutes all the way over here, and all the way back and then be late for my EMT training?"  She was silent, then groaned, "This is hard."  I waited , and waited, and then she finally mumbled, "Because you care..."  "Yes," I said, "you are right.  And as you say it more and more it will become easier."  Well, I have asked numerous times since then and she has answered each time.  And her answers are coming quicker and with a smile.  It never occurred to me before that she didn't 'get' that all this was meant for her because her parents cared about her.  So with that, I am exploring other things that I might have missed.  I think I know of one...extra patience and more acknowledgement of what she does right.

I must finish for now, I will continue tomorrow.

I have been absent

I have never had such a long gap between blog entries.  I am sorry if I have disappointed or frustrated anyone.  There have been no catastrophes, I have just been very weary and it has been hard to find the energy to sit and tap into my emotions to write.

I need one more night off, but tomorrow I will update the various adventures of my family.  So if you still are checking in, see you tomorrow.

wow.....

Well, I am at a bit of a loss tonight. An unexpected tidal wave of information has washed over me that was completely unexpected.   I went in to ask my deaf daughter why she hadn't said good night which she does every night.  The light was off, she was in bed.  I came over to her she was crying.  I asked why?  She did not answer.  I asked again, no answer.  I turned on the light and asked again, she said no reason she just wanted to cry.  I explained if you are crying you have a sadness or hurt somewhere.  You need to try and find that sadness and tell me about it.  She could not.  I asked and explained in different ways to try and help her.  Sill nothing.

So I suggested that I would try to help her by asking a few questions.  "Do you miss your friends in China.?", "Do you miss China?"  "Are you feeling lonely?"   "No". "No" and "Yes".   So we started to talk, and as she went on my jaw dropped further and further to the floor.  I called my dh into the room and told him what I had heard, and he too was surprised.  And she continued with more and more information, it just poured out of her.

The documents I received from the orphanage said she was abandoned at the orphanage and was about 2 years old.  They described the clothes that she had on and that she had a little bag in her hand with a coat...  And this is what my daughter told me.  She was adopted by a Chinese man and woman, and they told her that she had been abandoned as a baby and they adopted her.   She had an older sister and brother.  She lived in the mountains.  Her house was very small, and they had to go outside to use the toilet at an outhouse that smelled bad.  Her Mom was a good cook.  Her Father worked in the fields and she tried to help sometimes, something about corn. They had a dog she played with.  There was a picture she kept describing that she wants.  It's her as  a little girl, not a baby she said, but a little girl and she was so cute.  She wants to have that picture....  She was five or six when she was taken to the orphanage.  She said it was a very long journey that took all day. She saw her parents sign papers and she thinks they cried. When asked why she was brought to the orphanage, she said her parents were very old, and signed crooked hands for her Mother which led me to think of rheumatism.  Also they didn't have any money to take her to the doctor for her deafness.  She talked about her fist fighting her roommate at the orphanage and stealing toys.  And there was an older deaf boy that would tell her not to do those things and explained why.  She said she eventually understood.   And there was more.

I asked her to draw pictures of everything that she remembers and to write all the details down and any names that she might remember.  This is huge.  It helps me understand her more.  I realize now that there is much I do not know of her that shapes the person who she is.  I am excited to find out more.  I did tell her that with whatever information that she gives me,  I would try and find out where her adopted family was and try and get the picture.

All I can say is "wow".  It is an amazing experience to learn about her life.  Before so much was unknown.  So the adventure unfolds...

I would like to thank those that left comments on my last two posts.  Your advise was gratefully received.

And then there was today, when she purposely bought lunch at school, when she has been told numerous times that she was not to do so.  I had even gotten up early to heat up a home made Shepherds pie I had made that she wanted  for her lunch.  She had requested it.  She came home with it completely untouched because she decided she wanted a sandwich so she bought it.  Which means charged it to us!  I asked if she remembered that she was not allowed to buy lunch?  She replied "Yes".  Then why did you think it was OK to buy lunch and not eat what I had given you?  I won't continue with the back and forthing but suffice it to say, she thinks it alright to decide when and where the rules she will follow and won't follow.

Any recommendation for books on respect, following rules and responsibility would be appreciated.

Four of my other daughters will be working on a farm on Saturday helping prepare for the Harvest Festival.  It should be a great experience for them.

Did I ever mention that we have four bunnies? Three are rescues. Those three have interesting stories behind them.  Oops, I just got yelled at for staying up so late and not going to bed.  Tomorrow I will tell you their stories and post pictures.

11:30 Sat. night, hear a strange sound, go into the dining room, I see nothing, all of a sudden a load of water comes through the chandelier, then through an old patch in the ceiling which I never noticed before, then through the seam in the ceiling.  I ran upstairs, burst into the bathroom, and turned the shower off scaring the you know what out of my dh.  The dining room ceiling is now opened up, our shower is unusable until all this can be repaired.  Do you know what this means?  Chaos!   That's right.  Seven people using the same shower, six females and one male.  We all know how long it takes for six females to wash their hair.  Now I have to set up a schedule for shower taking and fit it in between homework, chores, piano lessons, etc.  This will all prove to be very interesting...  Oh, and five out of the six females have very long hair.

My daughter who is deaf has been giving us a lot of things to deal with.  Completely not acknowledging rules when it is inconvenient for her, being confrontative and argumentative with her teacher and us, and not understanding the need to focus and be serious at certain times instead she has an attitude of everything is a game and its play time.  Tonight...suffice it to say, she flat out refused to do as I asked her, which she has done in the past believing that it is completely up to her to choose to obey or not.  Yes, I DO understand why she is behaving like this, and the lack of input at the orphanage is a huge contributer.  But I also know when she makes a conscious choice to break rules as it suits her.  We have such a long way to go.

And it is so frustrating because I can't explain and discuss with her why we have rules, why she needs to have respect for her parents and teacher, why she needs to honor her responsibilities, and how she needs to behave because her language is SO limited!!!  Even while we were going thru it tonight, I showed her in the dictionary the Chinese word for a sign she didn't know and she didn't understand the Chinese so  I had my daughter write an explanation of it in Chinese, still didn't understand.  This happened at least four times in the hour long discussion.  It is extremely hard to get information across to her, especially when her logistical and comprehension skills are so limited.

I will have more update on the others tomorrow. Although I hear the more you sleep the more weight you lose.  So perhaps I might plan to sleep for about 5 days, so if you don't hear from me...

I will try to start my posts earlier so I can write more on a consistent basis.  I wrote last night and finished at 12:01 am.  I got up at 5:45 am.  Deb, I know you do it all the time.  I need to plan my sleep patterns better in order to handle all my responsibilities in a civil loving manner.

Speaking of which, I have applied for a job.  The money situation has become quite serious.  I have applied in the past, but this time I had a telephone interview and I think they will be calling me for an in-person interview next week.  It is for part time around 32-36 hours.  The hard part will be that the shifts available are over night until 8:00 in the morning.  I will need to figure the balance with everything else.  I will wait and see...  Here's hoping.

The past two weeks we've been eating out of the cupboards and freezer.  The past several days there have been complaints that there has been nothing to pack for lunches.  They were right, but I told them to be creative.  Today I finally get to shop.  I'll be hitting two stores and stocking up.

My 16 year old has been trying to identify when she is negative and turn it around before it gets out of hand.  I finally realized (duh!), that she didn't recognize 'caring'.  Just the simplest to the overt acts of kindness.  Like giving her music lessons that are so important to her even though money is tight to getting her the shampoo she wants.  So, I started saying, "Why do I choose to drive 45 minutes so you can speak with someone to help heal you and 45 minutes back and I'm always late for my EMT training?"  She said, "It's too hard to say."  "Try," I encouraged.  She hesitated and mumbled something.  I said, "I didn't understand what you said."  Again a mumble that was a bit clearer, "Because you care." "Hm?" I enquired. "Because you care,"  she replied very clearly now. "Yes," I told her, "you're right.  And each time you say it, it will become easier and easier to say until it will be quite natural for you to think and believe that."

Fast forward several weeks, I had asked her the question several more times, and each time it became easier and easier for her to say.  Yesterday I asked how it felt and she said, "Good."  I also asked how it was going with stopping the negative thoughts and switching them to positive thoughts.  She said it was hard,  but she would still work on it.

My thoughts behind doing this was that she never really 'got' or recognized caring acts, let alone that they were meant for her.  So by her acknowledging that what we do are acts of caring, it places a subliminal message in her brain to open that part of her that is so tightly protected and abolishes the part that says she is worthless, always wrong, never is right, and unlovable.  In the past few weeks, I have see a lighter girl, as if she had shed some heavy weights form her shoulders.  We still have several years of healing to go, but this is a great start.  Especially since she enters high school next year, which in itself is a whole different bag of worms.

Bet you thought I disappeared, or completely collapsed from all the craziness like when my daughter who is deaf was riding home in the bus with the 'prize' her speech teacher had given her.  She decided to bite into it, for whatever reason, and it exploded in white powder everywhere.  She then took the pile of it in her lap and smeared it all over her face.  THEN she decided to put her umbrella up, in the mini bus and keep it over her head!  Oh, and the other morning I came down and found that she had taken frozen pasta out of the freezer and was trying to fry it in a frying pan.  She has forgotten her hearing aids three days in a row and left them once on the bus.  All the kids are to make their lunch the night before.  One morning I asked her if her lunch was ready, she said, "Yes".  I looked in her lunch box and I saw, a cookie and a Chinese pastry...  All the homeworks, EMT runs, shopping, money concerns, going to three different schools to meet a total of 15 teachers, keeping on the government to resolve my daughter's educational issue.

It has kept my brain so full, I have been forgetting...what was I just talking about??

I need some sleep. I think.  The last tale I will leave you with, is my daughter who is deaf came running into my room tonight in a panic with a chunk of her hair in her hand.  I couldn't imagine what had happened.  She started signing, and I thought she had a snarl in her hair and had pulled at it too hard and it had come out.   She was frantic.  She pulled me into her room and pointed to her hair brush.  As it happens I had been brushing my hair when she came in and I carried it with me when she dragged me to her room.  She pulled hair out of her brush, touched her hair then the brush again.  Ooohhhh, I now understood.  She thought her hair was falling out because of the hair in the brush!  I explained to her that it was all quite normal, and she was not to worry.  "See." I said, and I pulled some hair out of my brush.  She saw that and was reassured.  The things we take for granted...  Sure keeps me on my toes.