So, the disruptions that I have been following are at a stalemate.  They are stuck with the children involved, in not the best environment.  Presently I have gone as far as I can go on it, especially because they are happening in other states.  I feel quite sad & angry at this point.  I will keep checking on them and hope for the best.

Well, my skills as a Mother have certainly been challenged this week. I don't know where to begin because it has so many layers. I will just list randomly some of the issues that came up.  And this is with my two oldest.

Why are people here in this world, why am I here, sees nothing to hold on to, sad and lonely, in the orphanage the only way we had to defend ourselves was to hit each other — we had to be strong, sometimes after that we were friends because we had to stick together, we don't like younger children, we don't know how to feel for them, American children are 'spoiled brats' they are soft, I had to grow up at 6, I never got to play and waste time, I can't feel anything, I'm always stuffing my anger down instead of yelling or hitting, can't change after years of being in the orphanage,  and there is so much more.

I have a lot of work on my hands.  With I deal with each  differently, yet on several things they have the same issues.  We will take small steps at first.  The first step is having them believe that it is all right to express their thoughts and emotions even if it is anger or negativity, but it needs to be expressed by choosing the right words and tone of voice.  We discussed how that would sound.  For instance my older daughter gets so mad at the twins when they discuss over who unloads the dishwasher and who will put the dishes away when she needs to do something at that counter space.  My daughter wants to just scream at them to stop being spoiled brats and do the work like you're supposed to!  Instead she just stuffs it down and it comes out as something else later.  So, I told her, "You're right, that can be annoying."  Her reaction was one of surprise that I agreed with her.  I needed to validate her emotions.  I said here is how you can say what you want to say.  "You need to make a decision now, I need to make lunch and I can't if all the dishes are in my way."  Well, she liked my idea.  So we talked about a few other situations that annoy her, and I gave her suggestions of what to say.

My other daughter although her English is somewhat limited has been holding back her confusions and feelings.  I gave her 'permission' to share what ever was on her mind and she was there when I was talking and dealing with the very intense sadness and anger from my other daughter.  So she could see that I was there to help, and I did understand.

Did I mention how this all started?  Several days ago it started with one daughter sobbing from the very depth of her being, and I spent almost 2 hours with her until she came to a place of being comfortable.  And last night my other daughter was sobbing also, and raging as well, and I spent almost two hours with her.  There is a lot of work to be done here, a lot of healing.

Like in the play Peer Gynt where he says people are like onions.  They have many layers, and as you peel each one off there is another one,  And you keep peeling until you find the center.  And that is how I will hope to heal my girls