As I sit here, feeling totally beaten up, I will once agin try to write.  Starting from today and going backwards....it started out fine, then the vacuum cleaner totally ceased to work.  It was no more.  Taking on the task to research vacuum cleaners and their ratings was daunting as I was burnt, but it had to be done.   Then I chose to clean the garage, which proved to be a failure.  I was so annoyed that my dh had left it such a mess, empty water bottles, empty plastic bags, wire ties, everything you can imagine, I just started in with a vengeance.  For a while I was getting things done.  As I came to a quarter empty bird seed bag right next to the bin we use for seed, I decided to fill it up.  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH...can you hear my scream of anger???????  There wasn't bird seed in there after all, it was dry cement, and when I poured it in, a huge cloud blew up into my face, my hair and my clothes!  Man, I was REALLY not happy.  (I know the imagery is pretty funny, and some day I will laugh at this-but not today).  Needless to say, all the bird seed now has to be thrown out.  I had just washed my hair, which is a big deal since I usually only have to wash it every four days.  It is yet, one more thing I have to do.

Who in their right mind would put something different in a bag already marked as something else??!
Fine.  I tried to dig some of it out with a dust pan but just managed to make more of a mess all over the floor and more cement dust all over me...  I took the aluminum garbage can and moved it outside so the garbage man would dump the whole thing.  What a waste of money!  So that's a new vacuum cleaner and a 40 pound bag of seed we have to buy that was not planned for.

So I continued cleaning..bumped into a metal shelf where my dh had put beer bottles on a shelf, and one fell.  Good news it didn't break, bad news it exploded.  So there is beer all over the floor under the metal shelving unit and across the garage floor.  I took a sheet, put it over it and walked out and sat down here.  I GIVE UP.

Yesterday, we went to our local parade, then a BBQ at the firehouse.  My second oldest has seemed quite down the last few days and yesterday's festivities did not change that. I've been worrying about that.  Even when I ask her in a variety of ways, I do not get an answer.   Energy was low for everyone that day.

Friday was my deaf daughter's b-day and I think she had a good first ever party.  Of course I had to sub that day, and all the children, from K-3rd took huge amounts of energy to engage and control.  Then I rushed home.  I had my dh and 2nd oldest go out and pick up the birthday cake and balloons.  I wanted my deaf daughter to come home from school to lots of balloons and ribbons hanging.  And all the presents laid out.   I had a friend of hers come over, and we had pizza and her birthday cake.
Remember how I told you she was always signing a cake and blowing out the candles?  She had never done this before, but she was always so excited when it happened for her sister and now it was to happen for her.  When the time came, she couldn't do it, she was too scared.  We kept encouraging her, but she would not do it.  Finally I told her I would do it with her, she said O.K.  1-2-3 blow....I didn't, but she did.  What a smile of success she had on her face.

After the cake was finished they all went outside and rode bikes, walked etc., came back in and opened presents.  Her smile could not have been bigger, and her eyes could not have been more filled with astonishment as she opened each gift.  They then watched the movie "Mr. Bean".  Which is the perfect movie for someone that doesn't hear.  That took it to 10:00.  My daughter's head hit the pillow and she went to sleep with a smile on her face.  It was her very first birthday party.

Thursday was zoo day.  Me, the twins, my deaf daughter arrived at the zoo at 10:00 and met up with her friend from deaf school and his Mom.  For six hours we roamed around the zoo, and still didn't see everything.  Halfway through the day, she stopped me and signed, "I love the zoo."  Wow, I thought, this is so perfect.  She was very joyful throughout the day.  The day even amazed me.  The animals actually put on shows for us.  Instead of standing still, like giraffes always do, they ran, kicked their legs up and played.  It was so wonderful to watch.  Then those huge Bison that stand ever so still, weren't so still that day.  The largest male was actually dancing around.  I couldn't figure out how this creature weighing as much as a VW bus, could dance so lightly on its feet!  Then he would run around and around in large circles, and throw himself down in the dirt pile, wallow around, snort a few times, then jump up, he did this for at least 20 minutes.  And there were displays from other animals as well.  We saw a lot of babies too.  We saw a really lovely interaction between a mother and her lion cub.  As we parted in the parking lot and said good-bye to her friend, he gave her a birthday gift.  She just stood there and didn't reach out.  A minute went by, I told her to take it, she just looked and stood there.  I told her again to take it, I then realized she probably had never been given a gift before and didn't understand what to do.  So I took it and put it into her hands.  She just stared at it.  I explained it was a birthday gift.  She had a blank face and then her face broke into this smile of joy and understanding as if to say, "It's for me, it's really something for me."   All in all it was a perfect day.

We hit a lot of traffic going home, but we finally got there.  I ran in, changed into my EMT gear, and drove quickly to where we were staging the mass disaster drill.  I barely got there in time.  They had real moulage (blood, bones etc) and smoke machine filling the area.  After 2 hours we finished.  Our firehouse went and had dinner and I finally came home and collapsed, to wake up the next morning at 5:50 am.

I think that I have mostly caught you up.  I have one picture now to share, more will follow later.

I have a nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough. I should be planning more family type things, and creating more stimulating activities to do for everyone. But I often have so much to do at the computer, homeschooling research and lesson plans, USCIS issue, letters to the Superintendent of School, planning play dates for everyone, and so much else, I feel I am dropping the ball in oh so many ways.  It is frustrating and has kept me up at night thinking about all that I haven't accomplished.  I hope to do better this week.  I do have a pile of papers that need immediate attention, and just thinking about approaching them shuts me down and makes me immobile.  I would like to complete that pile by the end of Tuesday.

I know I said that I would return today but yet again I have been swept away with commitments.  As an example,  I got four children off to school by 8:00am, I drove to the next town, (about 20 min) to substitute teach.  I finished work, came home picked up my twins and 2nd daughter recently adopted and drove two towns over (20 min) to search for a birthday present for my deaf daughter.  No luck.  Drove to another town, again 2 towns in the other direction (20 min), and went to two stores with only a modicum of luck.  Drove home, (15 min), dropped everyone off and picked up my deaf daughter and drove back to the first town I went to search for b-day presents.  I needed her to pick out design and flavors for her birthday ice cream cake.  That took about a half hour.  Then all the way home again.  A very quick dinner and I sent my oldest, 2nd adopted child and dh off to a concert my oldest was in.  I immediately sat down and did grueling math homework with one twin, then gave different spelling tests to each, had them pack snacks for tomorrow, take a shower and wash their hair.  I then went over my deaf daughter's homework which is never easy.  That took about 45 minutes.  Then I had her pack her snacks.  By them everyone was home from the concert, and I check the homework that I had assigned to my home schooled daughter.   I then sat through while one twin practiced on her flute for her concert.  Sent everyone to bed.  Did a quick research on driving directions to the zoo (about an hour 15 min), and got about 3 different maps and directions, printed it all out, emailed the Mom who is bring her son, who is deaf and from China to tell her where to meet.  Now I am taking a shower and getting up early tomorrow to get my troops on the road to a hopefully wonderful day.

I won't be back tomorrow as directly after I return, I need to get into my EMT gear and go to a mass casualty drill complete with blood, bones, smoke machine going etc.  I have no idea when I will be back.  But, since I need to substitute on Friday, I will be up at 5:50 on Friday morning...

I would like to think that sometime Friday evening I can catch you up on all the goings on...

I am still here.  I'm sorry if you have been checking in and there haven't been any new posts.  It has been a bit daunting these past few days.  I have also been subbing this week Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.  On Thursday I'll be spending the day at the zoo with my deaf daughter and her friend.  SO time is of the premium and I got a call regarding their Certificate of Citizenship, and that is still a mess.  A lot ot deal with and balance.  And my deaf daughter has presented all sorts of challenges.

I should be back tomorrow .

Yup, it's Friday and I haven't posted in a few days.  Right now I'm off to substitute teach, so this is just the prelude to a longer post upon my return.

My husband summed my deaf daughter's behavior up last night, he said, "She's just sees living with us as living in another orphanage with other kids."  Well, yes, I guess that says it all.

More, later today.

I'm noticing a different 'air' about my deaf daughter lately.  A little more centered, less silly, a slight bit of focus.  I do hope this lasts and it's not just a passing fancy.  Her American Sign is improving so communication is getting better.

Cara shared with me some thoughts on setting her in the right direction.  It took a while before I could think of something, but I finally got it.  She lost the privilege of the computer for three days.  I explained it, I had her explain it back, and she understood that she didn't follow rules and therefore lost the computer privilege.  Yeah, that lasted one day.  My dh came and said, she was on the computer, he told her to get off, and few minutes later she was back on again!  I was ready to explode, I had it up to the hilt at this point!  I brought her into the room and let her have it in Sign.  My fingers really fly when I'm mad!  I said, "You don't break rules, why did you go on the computer when you were not allowed to for 3 days?"  No answer. I said, "Tell me!"  Again only a slight hand movement. I said, "Did you go on the computer, yes or no?"  A small "Yes".  "Why?" I asked.  She said she wanted to watch a TV program on it. "Why," I asked yet again, "you know you don't use the computer for three day because you broke the rules, right?"   "Right", she signed slowly.   "You don't break rules, it's not OK to do that.  If you do not break any rules for 5 days,  then you will earn one hour of computer time.  That is 5 days of not breaking one rule, only then you will receive an hour of computer time."  And I went over exactly what days those were, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues., and have 1 hour of computer time on Wed if she obeyed all the rules.  (Thank goodness I had taught her the days of the week before.)  I saw something 'click' when the conversation finished.  Today she was more somber, none of the 'cutesy' stuff she usually displays.   She did try to go on the computer - again - today, and her sister said "NO!"  She came to me complaining that her sister told her no when she went on the computer.  I looked in total shock at her and signed, "That is because you broke the rules and you have no computer for 5 days."  She had this look on her face that sort of said, 'this isn't going away'.  She turned around and walked out of the room.

My daughter that I'm homeschooling just loves it more each day.  Today we did composition writing, the map of the USA, geology, the Incas and Mayas, the CA gold Rush, and a few other things.  Ya know, I'm making this up as I go along because I haven't a clue how to do this homeschool thing.

My eldest daughter walked past me an hour past her bedtime.  I looked at her and said, "Why are you not in bed?"  She replied, "I needed to finish downloading some albums."  "And you think THAT is a good reason for not going to bed on time?"  No answer.  "Excuse me, I asked, you think that is a valid reason for not going to bed on time?"  She said "Yes".  And I said, "Oh well then, that good reason of yours makes you lose your iPOD to me".  She hands me her iPOD and goes upstairs.

Can't wait for tomorrow....

Hi... the struggle continues with my daughter.  She totally dodges doing homework, or any type of school work.  At bed time, which she also avoids, once the lights are off, she continues to play.  I know now that I will need to personally monitor from the time she comes home from school to check all her work from the day, run her through her homework, test her on her signs and spelling and make sure she doesn't do anything, or touch anything without asking.  She has yet to understand that concept.

My other daughter is loving what I am teaching her in Homeschooling.  We work on vocabulary, spelling, sentence structure, grammar, creative writing, interpreting and breaking down a story, conversation, idioms, American culture, and more.  We also do field trips.  Tomorrow she will go on a very long and interesting field trip with her Father.  They're going to shoot a promo for a documentary.  She will learn about video production, dealing with people and their different accents, seeing a different part of America, organizing, and so much more.  It will be an exciting day for her.

My twins are astounding me daily.  On their Spring break, the decided to write a newspaper.  They each did their own, one had 8 pages and the had 10 pages.  They both had articles, breaking news, classifieds, pictures, complete with drop shadows, clip art, page numbers.  And this past weekend they both decided to create power point presentations.  One did it on snakes and the other on Lions.  ANd they're only 9 years old.
Here is one of the slides she created.

I'll try to also get a page of one of their newspapers as well.

I must sign off now, I think I'm developing a bit of a cold and I need to substitute teach tomorrow, as well as other things..

I have needed to use my brain and emotions so much in the past month and a half, that I have found that I am immobilized.  I can't seem to face the littlest of tasks without becoming overwhelmed. I drift without accomplishing anything.  That is one of the reasons I haven't written in a few days.

My deaf daughter is really testing the boundaries.  And keeping up with her toddler behavior before she breaks something or puts herself in danger is very tiring.  Yesterday she got out of the wrong side of the car, after it was parked, directly into the line of traffic.

I had bought another shampoo for her to try, and I showed her what it was and to use it...  Remember before I had to number the shampoo #1, and the creme rinse #2 so she would use them in the correct order?  Tonight I had the whole family go out for a walk after dinner.  When we got back she said she was hot a sweaty and proceeded to smell under arms a few  times and make faces.  I told her she was taking a shower tonight, and she said no.   I said yes, shower now.  She still balked and made faces of being deeply put upon.  I said shower now, go!  Every time I tell her to take a shower we go through this which can be very exasperating.  On Friday morning she was taking a huge amount of time to get downstairs to go to school.  She was running late.  I go upstairs to see what the heck she's doing, and I enter the bathroom and she's washing her arms!  What!?  What are you doing?  She replied they were dirty.  I said that is why I tell you to take showers!! ARRGH!

Back to the story anyway, as she was in the shower tonight I go in and check on her and she signs, #1, #2, #3.  No, that is the new shampoo not #3.  You are supposed to use this as #1 instead of the other #1.  But I found out she has been doing- shampoo-creme rinse-shampooing.  I have also found yet another shirt that she has ruined because she tore out the label which left two large hole in it.

I was helping her with her homework and she was learning about American coins and adding.  There were pictures of the front and back of all the coins. She could label one picture of each coin the correct amount that it represented.  But she could not comprehend that the other pictures were the reverse side of the same coins.  She does not have any deductive reasoning skills.   We have such a long way to go with her.

On a brighter note, she will be having her very first birthday celebration soon.  I will be taking her to a wonderful zoo with her friend who is Chinese and also deaf.  It will be a great day. She also keeps signing a cake and blowing out candles, she is besides herself with excitement to have her first birthday cake.  On the actual day, I'm a little hard put who to have at a party for her, but I will have balloons and the cake and presents.  She is still a little girl and this will be a dream come true for her.

Tonight, just before bed, she signed something to me, and she needed to do it several times, because I couldn't quite get the concept.  Finally I understood, I think.  It went something like...when I'm 14 will I fly to China, and who will sleep in my bed, her older sister?  It took a long time to explain that she can live here for as long as she chooses, and this will always be her bed.  You and your two older sisters are different people and each of you will make different choices.  When you are all grown up if you want to move to a different place you can, but you can also choose to stay.  You can even be living here when you are 30.  (She looked SO surprised at that!)  When she finally understood, she got a look on her face that said.."Hmmm, imagine that."

Then after I remade her bed, she had the sheet upside, and no pillow case, she lay down and grabbed two teddy bears, one in each arm.  She signed this one is the Papa, and this one is the Mama, and she squeezed them tight with a huge smile on her face and let out a squeal of delight.  

I survived substituting all day for 3rd graders. My deaf daughter enjoyed her first field trip with the school.  She also received a cute note from a deaf classmate and attached with stickers and other cute things.  I translated the note for her. I offered to write a note back for her explaining that she didn't know English yet but she was very happy with the gifts and receiving the gifts.  She was thrilled that I would do that.  She also asked that I get a picture of her to give to her friend.  How cute is that?

My other daughter is loving the homeschooling that I am doing for her.  She let me know that what I am teaching her is exactly what she wanted.  Although it seems to be a huge responsibility and I feel guilty if I can't always do as much as I think that I should be doing.  But my friend Patty told me tonight that there was an easier way of going about dong it without so much guilt.  That was nice to hear.  So now I will try rearrange my mind and plans to be more efficient.

Now if I could just find a spare moment to gather my wits to write a letter (a scathing letter) in reply to the Assistant Superintendent, and deal with the immigration documents, find a job, sign up for night duty, do more holding time with the rabbits, clean the house before I go crazy, bills, get the car fixed, return way overdue emails and letters, and much more....  Hmmm, I think I've just overwhelmed myself again, so I better go to bed and sleep on it.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

That is just my way of saying sorry that I haven't written for a few days.  I can't tonight either.  I am completely slammed with children issues and school issues that I can't think straight.  My deaf daughter put laundry in the dryer tonight and shrunk two sweaters, and this is after I have held numerous conversions with her saying you are not allowed to touch or do anything in the house without asking.  She's   being disagreeable because she doesn't want to do the work at school, or her homework.  I've spent hours researching for appropriate material to homeschool my daughter, and find time to actually teach her each day.

The deaf school, was not up to speed about Internationally adopted kids, so I had to compose a two page letter to her teachers  about her behavior and lack of living skills.  Which took so long to do I missed my Monday night fire house training, and there's so much more on my plate that I haven't had a chance to get to.  And I have subbed three out of four days this week and I had to go to a funeral, and...

Never mind I'll catch up tomorrow.

No electricity

That is my excuse for not writing last night.  We had high winds and we lost power for 8 hours.  I put everyone to bed early.  I was up most the night because I couldn't sleep, I kept waiting for the electricity to go back on.  So I'm tired.

Tomorrow will be my deaf daughter's first day of school, she is very excited, as am I.  And also tomorrow I will get into the routine for homeschooling my other daughter.  And I will start the 2nd battle with the school system about teaching English to my daughter.  I received a letter from them on Friday, and even with my 3 page letter, and notebook full of published studies of how International adopted children learn differently - they still don't GET it!  The letter, from the Assistant Superintendent basically said that she'll learn English if she was in a social situation at school.  What?   Quote: "I am concerned that this (homeschooling) would prevent her from social and academic settings that would allow opportunities to demonstrate and practice English by being immersed in the school environment."

She must have blown off all the research that I gave them because it specifically says that Internationally adopted children do not learn like immigrant children do, and it gives the reasons.  Did she not read also when I explained my daughter's shyness and feeling inadequate because she doesn't understand the students when they speak to her and she doesn't have the words to speak to them?   And presently she cannot take any other course because she doesn't understand what is being said.  She has gotten more social interaction with us and going to friend's houses and outings than she ever had in school.

I am very angry at the total disregard of my daughter's needs.  They are instead giving the 'party line' and not thinking outside of the box.  Well, look out, I am officially on the war path now, both barrels are loaded. I will respond tomorrow to this letter and attach even more evidence to back my words and I intend to call the Office of English Language Acquisition which is part of the U.S. Department of Education in Washington, D.C. tomorrow and see if they have any advice for me.  That will be among just a few calls that I will be making.

I am on night duty tonight so I am going to sleep early tonight to try and catch up from last night.  Hope all  Mothers out there had a wonderful and special day.

Yabba Dabba Dooo!

If you are not from the 60's era you won't understand the above.  It represents another way of saying Yahoooo!
Today I officially got for my daughter, bussing and tuition to the deaf school until she is 21!!!  AND I explained that I thought summer school was necessary at this point for her to retain what she learns in the next two months!  Well, I got it also.  One down, three to go with the school system.

That was the good news for the day.  As I pull into the driveway after an hour drive home from the school, the first thing I hear is what my deaf daughter has done - AGAIN!    She had taken one of the twin's jump ropes that had a jump counter at the end and cut it off because she thought the rope was too short and tied it to another rope.
She has done this sort of 'damage' to multiple things in the home because that is how she wanted it, or what she wanted to with it.  She has no perception about not touching something that does not belong to her.  Nor does she have the self control to stop and think before she acts.  She obviously did not have any regulation at the orphanage.  She also feels rules are not for her because she is deaf, that is what she told me tonight.  I cleared up that misconception pretty darn quickly.  I explained that ALL the children have to obey the rules and it didn't matter if she was deaf, the rules are the same.  All the children in the family have the same rules. And that, is that.  I also said, we are a family and you are in this family forever.  Even when I am angry with you the love stays and does not go away.

Since it had been such a bad for my deaf daughter with me landing all over her for the jump rope, I decided to allow her to go to bed a half hour later than her bed time. Well 15 minutes past the time she was supposed to be in bed, she came down stairs and said, "Sorry, I forgot,"  Now mind you, it was just 45 minutes ago that I gave her that extra half hour.  I was so NOT happy.  I turned on Bable FIsh  and basically said that I was disappointed that she did not take the responsibility to go to bed on time, I had given her a special privilege etc., and saying that she is sorry and she forget is not acceptable, and a lot more, which I don't want to regurgitate.  I didn't use all those big words with her, I did keep it simple, I just short cut the story by using them.
These 'events'  completely sap my energy, and each time the next one happens, it is that much more draining, because it's that, "Here we go again feeling".  I understand where all this comes from and why.  I just hope for a small break through sooner than later.

On that note, I will get to bed before midnight.

Again, I'm afraid I will not have the time to go into details, if it hadn't happened -again- tonight, I would have had the time to share.  Tomorrow is my PPT to get my daughter into the deaf school, and it's over an hour drive.  It is already late and there is so much to do.  Handling the situation tonight has put my schedule behind by 2 hours.  I have so much paper work to finish preparing for tomorrow morning's meeting.

Suffice it to say the communication gap between my deaf daughter and the world has continually had her breaking rules, gluing things that shouldn't be glued, tearing pages out of books- again, breaking things, wiping glue on her clothes, stepping in and doing things without asking and there by creating a mess or irrevocable damage, the list goes on.  The amount of time it takes to explain that you don't break rules, you ask before doing something, don't just do something because you feel like it, etc, ends up being one and half to two hours each time using Bable Fish or my daughter trying to understand her Chinese writing. It is so exhausting.  In the past three days there have been at least 5 of these scenes.  So forgive me as I bail out and do my paperwork for tomorrow.  I don't feel like re-living my frustration, anger and sheer exhaustion tonight.

A short one tonight, I have to substitute teach tomorrow.  I just found out.

It has been a very tiring day. My deaf daughter is really testing me and the limits. I'll  explain tomorrow.  I am tired...

Since money is tight we tend to wait until there is absolutely nothing left in the house before we go shopping.  Well since there was nothing left, literally, I took the twins shopping to two stores to buy much needed supplies and food. We left at 11:15 and got home at 3:00.  That in it's self should tell you what the day was like bargain hunting.  Now it has become that much more difficult because our whole water system needed to be replaced to the total of $2,450.  I'm not sure where else to cut back, but necessity demands I find a few places to do so.

I'm hoping to apply for a job teaching summer school, but I'm not sure if the application deadline has happened.  I will submit it anyway.

The things we take for granted.  I thought that I would check on my deaf daughter and go over with her how she was washing her hair...good thing I did, she was using conditioner first and shampoo second, AND using a wash cloth to wash her hair with!  Now where in the heck did she get the idea to do that?  I also caught her about to cut her bangs because they annoyed her.  I asked her if she wants to grow them or cut them a bit.  She didn't realize that she had a choice.  She was thrilled when I said she could grow them out.
Can't wait to discover what else she has translated into her way of doing things.

Remember in the last post when I said a was a bit tired?  I've not been listening to my body's signals this past week.  I just continued to do what I needed to do and just focused on going forward.  I should have realized that I was becoming fatigued when I would forget what I was saying or couldn't quite find the word I wanted to use.

On Thursday I was going 'strong'. I went out on three calls.  The first one was that a tree had fallen down and pulled wires down with it which then started a fire. I am certified Fire Police so I had to re-direct traffic explain why they couldn't go down the street they wanted to, and give alternative directions. I did that for about an hour or so.  I then went home to have some lunch, about 3:00.  Just as I was finishing homework with the girls, and doing paperwork...a call went out for exactly the same situation as before, but this time, on a different road, and rush hour had just started.  So here I am again as Fire Police.  This time I had many more cars, coming form two directions at once, and making sure the emergency vehicles were getting through as well.  That was for over two hours into dusk.

Here I am just returning from my first Fire Police call.

And as the sun starts setting as I direct traffic, I hear a call for EMS personnel.  They knew at the command center that I needed to go, so someone came to release me.  I go flying down to the firehouse, heavy fire boots and pants and all.  By then I was quite hot in them.  Open the garage door to the ambulance, try quickly-there really is no such thing-to pull down the fire pants onto the boots to leave them in a 'go' position.  Throw my shoes on and climb into the cab and off we go.  I didn't get home until about 8:00 that night....

Friday I had to substitute teach all day. I got home at 4:00, returned phone calls, checked emails, and about 5:00 I decided to go upstairs for a half hour nap before dinner.

Well, I guess my body decided to take over because I wasn't doing such a good job listening to the hints for slowing down.  I lay down at 5:00 pm and woke up 16 hours later at 9:00 am. the next day.
Guess I should be a better listener next time.