Five Blossoms from China

Several bombshells...

2011-05-05T07:50:00.001-04:00

If you remember my deaf daughter revealed to me that she hadn't been left at the orphanage at 2 years old as her papers had said. She had told me that she had been abandoned as an infant but a woman in a village had found her and adopted her. She lived on a farm in a town with her parents, a brother and two sisters and a dog. They had brought her to the orphanage at around 5 or 6 years old. My understanding was so she could get her hearing 'fixed''. She even drew a picture of the street she lived on and her neighbors. At that point, since her Sign was limited, we stopped talking about it.

Last night the rest of the story came out - it was a bombshell. My understanding of what she shared is the following. Her parents did bring her to the orphanage at 5 or 6. But not to be adopted, it was for an education. Because she lived over two hours away, she stayed there to go to the deaf school. At around 8 or 9 they came and picked her up and brought her home for a while (summer vacation/Chi*ese New year?). She told me that there was something at her house, that made her sick and throw up, something green. I was never clear what it was. And I think she said others were sick also. At sometime she said her Father worked very hard all the time and made enough money to buy a newer and bigger house. She also had a dog.

My understanding is because she lived at the deaf school during the week, she was only at the orphanage for the weekends because she couldn't go home. It seems that her parents would come see her and bring her home every 1 or 2 years. The last time she saw them was on the Chi*ese New Year, a year before we adopted her.

From my direct questioning, she said that her parents do not know where she is and as far as she knows she was not supposed to be adopted. She thought she was just going with us for a little while and would be returned to her parents.... This information, if verified, overwhelms me with grief and sadness for the pain she has suffered this past year and her parents who have lost their daughter.

I wrote to a lawyer in China last night that does pro bono work for an organization called Baby Come Home. for kidnaped children. I hope that he will be able to get some information for us. The last thing she said to me before she went to sleep was, "When we go to China to see my Mom and Dad, can I stay?"

2011-04-14T22:25:00.000-04:00

There is so much to share about the two new daughters. Most is promising, with only a few frustrations along the way. Life does have a way of keeping you on your toes, just when you start relaxing wham a huge challenge presents itself. And yes I know, life doesn't give you anything you can't handle... But there can be a time or two when you're not so sure.

Since I am on duty tonight, I won't go into all the details because I do need to get to bed. But I will share one success with you.

When my deaf daughter had only 8 months of american sign, she wrote a sign poem for a school contest. Her category was ages 9-12. Well, darn if she didn't win first prize! I mean, she's only known the language 8 months! I then get a letter telling me that the school is submitting it to the National contest. Oh, I thought, that's interesting and then I forgot about it. About three weeks later she comes home from school and informs me that she won 1st prize. Now it took about 15 minutes for her to explain it. I wasn't sure that she was actually saying that because she still is mixing up her signs and perceptions. So I contacted her teacher, and you know what? My daughter won 1st prize for ASL poetry in the national contest! How can this be? Here she has only been using the language for a short while and she competes against kids who have been using it all their lives!

I made sure that she understood how HUGE this was, and how proud she should be of herself! Tomorrow she will perform it one more time at her school and I will be the proud Momma sitting there beaming ear to ear. I'll try and get some good pictures.

2011-03-28T23:10:00.000-04:00

A short post because it is quite late but I feel guilty for not posting, so...I am. I believe that most of my readers are female, but correct me if I am wrong. Having said that I want to share with you on "What your Mother never told you about menopause." I personally had never heard of any of these things until they snuck up on me and said, "Welcome." For those of you that have not arrived at this glorious time of life yet, let me tell you what happens. First for no apparent reason you start to gain weight even though nothing in your diet or exercise has changed. And when you go to lose it, it is almost impossible to take off. Then there are those waves of sheer exhaustion that come crashing down on you and you just have to lie down or you'll fall down. Memory, forget it! Literally. I used to be a Type A personality now I'm Type Z. Things roll into one's brain and right out again. It's ridiculous. The most important and simplest things are forgotten. And finally there are those 'down' periods that pull you in and sit on you.

I tell you it's not fair, especially when that 'M' word can stay for up to 10 years. I've had several serious talks with my body about it, but have gotten no where. SO I say to you all Beware, it is just around the corner and it's not pretty picture.

2011-03-21T23:09:00.000-04:00

I sometimes move so slow. I can't get up to speed and thinking of all that I need to get down just overwhelms me to a standstill. I do not like that feeling. There is a lot going on at the moment, and a lot of balls to juggle, but still I do want to keep order.

OK some updates:
My new daughter did start high school in Feb, after we won our case. She LIKES it and is doing well. I actually called a meeting of all her teachers, and you know what? They all showed up and listened and responded. I explained to them the differences of an immigrant child and an Internationally adopted child. How they learn differently and the issues that are associated with them that effect their learning. One point that I made that was very important was for them to realize just because her social and reading English is good, it still takes 5-7 years for cognitive , deductive reasoning and abstract thinking to be acquired. I said that we were a team and any time that I could help at home with the work to let me know and visa versa. Boy did that feel good after fighting the Middle School for so long.

My twins have excelled to the point that their teachers wrote a letter to the principal of the Middle School (yes the same) that they will be going to next year saying it would be a disservice to them not to take 7th grade English (ILA) (They will be in 6th grade) because at this time they are probably on an eighth grade level. If they were to be in 6th grade they would be bored. They will also be in 7th grade Spanish since their 5th grade didn't have languages offered, and they will be in honors math. Right now they are in a school an International School that only goes to 5th grade. With all that I had a meeting with the Principal, and she gave me an indication that she agreed it would be best to have the girls go up those levels.

My deaf daughter is wearing us down. Her life skills and knowledge are on a 4 year old level and she constantly has to be watched and reprimanded. She does so many things wrong I have felt like a bad Mom because it has been so hard to find any break in her behavior or choices that I can have a calm period with her. So I knew constantly disapproving what she does really does not help her or me. I just couldn't figure out what to do because she can be so frustrating. Finally I decided to read a book to her at bedtime. We sit side by side on the bed with the pillow behind my back and she's curled up with her bears and I read the story. That is my calm/connect moment with her.

My eldest is excited about entering high school especially because she got to choose her school. She will be majoring in Japanese, the language, culture and literature. In addition she will be doing all the other required high school courses. She is beyond thrilled.

Me, I'm well, that's another story for another time, it's getting late.

A Connection

2011-03-18T23:08:00.000-04:00

I am so excited by everyone welcoming back. I was so sure you all would have given up on me by now. I sure would have.

I took all five of my girls to my friend's farm and we sat on towels with binoculars and looked at the supermoon and the constellations. It was so much fun. Then the girls started playing moon tag because it was so bright out that we didn't need flashlights.

I had a very sweet moment with my deaf daughter tonight. They don't come often, this may have been only the 3rd time since we brought her home. And for the last several months she has been acting like a complete four year old who we needed to watch every moment. Anyway, if you remember I mentioned that a while back she had told me that she had been adopted before by a Chinese man and woman when they had found her abandoned as a baby. I am going to skip sideways for a moment to something that occurred two weeks ago. It had been a disappointing day and I felt like I needed a hug. So I went over to my deaf daughter and hugged her. She asked me why I did that. I said that I felt like I needed a hug. She gave me the strangest look. I asked, have you ever been hugged before? She gave me a shake of her head with a disgusted look on her face. I told her that I was going to teach her about hugs and what they were for. She did not look happy. Now back to tonight. I went in to say goodnight to her, and knowing hugs are still taboo I just stroked her forehead. She looked at me. She said my Mother in China used to stroke my forehead to put me to sleep, and she showed me how she did it. Then she described two siblings that were disabled in a way that made me guess CP, epilepsy, or some other muscular malfunction. She said her Mom had to feed them, dress them and put them to bed, I asked, how many were in her house. She counted, Mother, Father, her, the two disabled children, two much older kids and a baby that had been abandoned that they adopted. A total of eight. I wish I could find this family but she does not know the name of the village.

But from tonight, I have learned a way into her heart, which I had never been able to find before. I now know that I can stroke her forehead to connect with her on a Mother/daughter level.

I'm baaaack!

2011-03-17T20:50:00.000-04:00

I start again. Today is St. Patrick's Day. And many years ago when my twins were little someone told them that if they put their shoe out a leprechaun will put a treat in it. I thought that was cute, so I did it. Little did I realize that by doing that I had started a tradition that I have to do for the next 20 years or so. When my oldest daughter came, then I had to do one for her. Now my two new daughters need to be included. That's five shoes and five treats. Now you think that shouldn't be that hard. The fact is I never remember to do it until the morning of when THEY remember to put their shoes out. SO I have to run around trying to find green treats. Today I had to go to five stores until I found five freshly baked mud pies with green mint cream in the middle! And I had to hurry to figure out how to put them in the shoes before the first daughter came home. So I got some green tissue paper those gold doily thingies and put the pies on a gold doily and then green paper and into the shoe. Well, the screams of delight as each one came home was wonderful. And I heaved a sigh of relief and swore to my self that I WILL remember next year before the day..

Tonight, the twins, age 10, helped my deaf daughter with all her homework. It was so cute to watch. They were so patient, and my deaf daughter didn't become frustrated at all even when she couldn't get the answers.

I will catch everyone up on the news, but I will do small posts each time so it isn't so daunting.

I will also post more pictures. Bye for now to anyone who has stuck around...

2011-01-02T00:07:00.003-05:00

It is a New Year and I will be posting pixs and updates tomorrow the 2nd, because my house guest will be departing and all our social engagements will have ended. So do come back tomorrow for the updates.

See you then...

Countdown to the Holiday...

2010-12-19T23:54:00.001-05:00

My twins love to torture me with telling me exactly how few days are left till THE Day. Oh the agony of being behind... I woke up at 4:30 this morning with my mind racing on all the things I need to do, haven't done or forgotten, and in between all that trying to give quality time to the girls, and bunnies. Am I stretched a bit thin? Yes, I think so.

On the lighter side, I sang the Messi*h with a symphony and a 100 voices. My dh came and all five daughters. I knew my deaf daughter would be bored so I told her that she could bring a book and things to draw with. I also was clear that I expected her to behave like a 12 year old, not a 4 year old, which meant not slumping down in her seat, putting her hood over her face and going to sleep. She didn't do any of that put she DID hold her book up high enough to block the view of the person behind her, and she did put her bright yellow coat on backwards. My other daughter who was sitting next to her told her to stop. I am seeing all this because I'm up in the balcony with the other sopranos.

But the sound of us was amazing, it truly just blew everyone's socks off. As we ended a roar went up from the audience and they were on their feet even before the clapping started. Wow! Four of my five really were impressed with the performance, what a great experience.

And today for the first time I got to sing with my twins. The chorale that I sing with arranged with the mall to do a random act of singing. While we are all there we didn't interact but all of a sudden one person started singing, then another, and finally you had about 35 people singing in four part harmony Chr*stmas carols. The people at the mall (and there were quite a few) went nuts and really enjoyed it. My twins and I sang together, it felt wonderful!

I will continue tomorrow, I must get some sleep now.

Hawk

2010-12-16T11:30:00.001-05:00

Look what was sitting on top of one of our three birdfeeders looking for breakfast this morning!

We won!

2010-12-16T00:06:00.000-05:00

Some of you might remember that I filed a complaint that my daughter's rights had been violated in the Middle School. Well, after many months of phone calls meetings and such...we have won! What does that mean exactly? Well, when the government looks at this sort of complaint they look using three categories, and under each category are many sub categories that need to be looked at. Our school district apparently violated something in all three including discrimination. I totally missed that one, but they also flagged several other issues I was not aware about. I am so excited. So, the District will be responsible for paying for a qualified teacher on a one to one basis from the time she enrolled in March to June of last year. That translates into them paying for summer school this coming summer. They will have to pay the high school since she will be going there and the high school is a different Board of Ed and has a different District attorney. She will get support in all of her classes and have a separate time for tutoring. Not only is this and more happening, but I am thrilled to know that they are not going away when this is wrapped up. They are watch dogging the District and they will have to send in reports on what they are doing to identify ELL students what testing they have done and the support that is being given. SInce the school system has never done that before it became clear to the Government Attorney that there is serous problem there and they will be watching them for a long time. That means other students who come into the school system will finally get the support that they deserve and have the right to receive. So my daughter will start High School right after the holiday vacation. Wow, we really did it! And if I remember correctly, I think I filed the complaint in May, but the problems started two weeks after she had started school in Feb/March.

What a very busy time. The three performances of four of my daughters with the Symphony were great. The city has been producing The N*tcrack*er for over 25 years, and many said that these singers were the best they have heard in a long time. There were only 18 children singing. Now I'm rehearsing for my concert with the symphony. There are 90 singers, the sound is truly magnificent. But hitting all those high notes for two hours is exhausting.

We trimmed the tree tonight. My two new daughters started out a bit slowly not sure exactly what to do and why. But they quickly got the hang of it. They both want their picture taken in front of the tree, and I will post that. My deaf daughter is beside herself with excitement about Santa Claus coming to bring her presents. She can barely wait.

I'm decking my halls, and trying to figure out presents for the five girls, stay within a tight budget (HA-good luck with that) and having apoplexy about wrapping everything for five stockings, and all the presents that go underneath the tree.

I'm off to sleep (what's that?) now so I don't have to remember everything I am forgetting (Like totally missing my sister's holiday party...) and trying to remember everything I haven't done yet that needs doing. Sigh, I hope I can sleep through the night, or at least what's left of it.

She is 14 years old!

2010-12-06T00:48:00.000-05:00

This her very first Birthday party and her first birthday presents.

It was hard though to get her to agree to even acknowledge her birthday. She said she just wanted it rolled into Christmas. I said, "Oh no, in America we have a tradition to make that day special." And it took a whole lot of talking and a lot of listening behind her words to understand what was bothering her about her birthday. Two things, she didn't want the attention on her, and she didn't want us to spend money on her. She is such a sweetheart. I finally persuaded her to see a movie with two of her sisters. The twins were at a Girl Scout tea. I looked through all the available movies, searched the trailers to show her the choices. Finally I found one I thought that she would enjoy and would be visual enough for my deaf daughter, But I had to find every trailer on this movie to show her before she would say "Yes". They all enjoyed the film immensely. She did have a wonderful day. Before the movie they all had singing rehearsal for the "Nutcr*cker". Then we went to a holiday craft show, and my friend had a table there and my birthday girl got to pick whatever she wanted! And somehow all five of them ended up getting something. My friend is their 'Auntie'.

My daughter and I went to order her cake which was to be ice cream and the great thing about this store is that I always order their cakes for the girl's birthdays and since the owners are Chinese they can write in Chinese the birthday message and name!

I tried to explain to my deaf daughter today the concept of 'future'. Whew that is a tuffy! I used examples like graduating form HS then college you can have more doors open for you to follow your dreams, but you do badly in school you don't get into college and your choices are limited. Now I used much simpler words describing this. Like what you do here will effect this here (Pointing forward). Then she had a "Ah ha" moment when I explained how In HS I worked hard to get good grades and even did extra when I could, and I got into college. That opened the door for me to go to Engl*nd one summer to take summer school (her eyes widened at this). Because I liked it so much there, I thought how can I get back there? So I worked even harder at college and was able to go to graduate school there and then stayed another year to work.

Well, by this time she was thrilled! She 'got' the cause and effect. What a joyous moment for me. Now I do not expect anything from this, BUT I know a seed was planted and I will continue to reenforce it with choices she is making presently in her life.

Susie, Leslie and Skyblue, you both have an excellent idea and I must and will do a chart. Tomorrow, I will start.

Leslie, thank you for your encouraging words of support. When comments are written such as yours, I often think, "Doesn't everyone have a busy life like mine full of responsibilities." I mean I just think I'm normal, a typically stressed out parent.

Ruby, thank you for the offer to connect me with the parent. It would be nice to compare notes with her.

Cara, I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Thank you for your offer to share experiences with our 12 year olds. I will be contacting you. The only consequence that means anything to her is taking away computer time.

Again it is extremely late, and tomorrow is an early start.

Morning

2010-12-03T09:52:00.003-05:00

Thanks Sue for that encouraging comment!

Can you believe I am actually writing this in the morning instead of at 11:00 at night? And I actually wrote a long one last night.

The past three mornings she has chosen to play instead of dressing properly, brushing her teeth, putting hearing aids in, making her bed, putting her work in her backpack the night before and making lunch the night before, eating breakfast. I really got on her this morning because I had enough. She even went outside before the bus came, I had to run around outside in my p.j.'s to find her and demand she go back into the house, and replied "No" 4 times before she finally went. Her hearing aids were still laying on the table. I asked her if she had eaten breakfast because I didn't see her do it. She nodded and pulled an empty banana peel out of her coat pocket. I asked if she knew not to put open food in her pocket, and she said, "Yes". Then why did you put it in your pocket? There was no place to put it. I said you could have walked inside and put it in the garbage. I took a wet wipe and washed the inside of her pocket. Meanwhile the bus came in the middle of this. I told her to go to the bus, but instead she went and started to sit down on the floor and change her shoes. I said NO! Go to the bus! She started crying that she had gym today and I explained that she had plenty of time to put on the right shoes before. She went out to the bus crying stood at the door of the bus for at least 45 seconds to a minute refusing to get in. I had to send a sister out to tell her to get in.

HOMEWORK - She did not do her reading because she was too busy playing last night. I was not able to monitor her because I had to deal with a horrific 2 car head-on collision and I didn't get home until quite late.

My husband said she seems to be regressing into original behavior patterns.

Couple this with last night and the past 12 hours have not been great. Before rushing out for my EMT duties, the two abandoned bunnies created HAVOC with my other bunnies. The only way to fit them in was between two of my bunnies' cages. Apparently since they both were fixed just a day ago their hormones were raging so I had to separate the two new ones so their stitches didn't burst during attempted hanky panky. Great now I needed to create ANOTHER space that I didn't have. This of course set off more chaos. My two new bunnies started running around trying to get at my two bunnies (On either side of them), jumping climbing, hopping to see or get at each other. My two who are usually pretty calm were going berserk. But with new smells and everyone pooping and marking their territories.... I was up to 1:30 this morning calming down my two bunnies with floor time and treats. Then everything was quiet.

I came down this morning, after dealing with my daughter and saw one of my bunnies and a new bunny (male) trying to fight each other through the enclosure and thick towel separating them. And found my other bunny had escaped sometime last night, or should I say this morning since I didn't leave them until 1:30. This bunny is only about 3 pounds, very tiny. She could have been anywhere in three large rooms. It's 6:30 in the morning at this point I call my twins down to help me find her. They come running down in all manner of getting dressed and we start looking. I call her name several times, nothing then out of the corner of my eye I see something coming towards my feet. YES! It was her! I scooped her up. That is the first and only time she has ever come to me when I called. After this came the final drama with my deaf daughter. I'm tired.

Final thought. I just got an email from a fellow EMT that was with me last night, our patient died. Imagine his kids, Daddy is coming home from work as usual, except this time, Daddy won't ever be coming home. Puts all of the above in perspective. A mere hiccup in life compared to a devastating life tragedy.

2010-12-03T01:26:00.001-05:00

I am sure with my previous lack of presence that I lost a lot of followers. I also think that after things mostly settled down after the adoption adventure people lost interest. But I will continue for a little while longer for those faithful followers that are still there.

My daughter who is deaf , It's really hard not to write about what frustrations she has given me. She has been writing in books again, they didn't belong to her. She continually 'forgets' almost every responsibility that she has like coming downstairs in the morning WITH her hearing aids in, with her bed made and clothes picked up, supposedly was to make her lunch the night before, her schoolwork was to be already put in her backpack and she was to be downstairs at the LATEST 6:15. What is supposed to happen rarely happens. Two mornings ago she got downstairs 10 minutes before the bus was supposed to come, and she hadn't made her lunch or breakfast or put her hearing aids in , etc. Now mind you while she was upstairs I kept going into her room and hurrying her up. Even when she only had 5 minutes before the bus, she seemed to not comprehend, or care and moved slowly. This morning she came down in time because I heard her. When I got to the kitchen she was sitting on the floor playing with magnets on the refrigerator. It was 15 min. before the bus came, no lunch, no breakfast, no hearing aids, no backpack... Again I let her know that when she doesn't follow the rules and take the responsibilities seriously she is only hurting herself. And I gave examples. The frustrating thing about all this is that my daughter lives for instant gratification of what ever she wants or whatever she wants to do. Her concept of future is nonexistent. Fathoming what 'future' means is at this time impossible. So it is hard for her to understand consequences. And so it goes.

On a lighter note four out of my 5 daughters are singing in the Nutcracker Suite with a Symphony, and I am singing in the Messiah with 100 other voices and a Symphony. And my daughter who is deaf is amazed and overjoyed at the tradition of The Shelf Elf and how when she wakes up every morning he's in a different place...

I need to end now it's 1:15 in the morning and besides having to take two abandoned bunnies in today and trying to find room around the 5 other bunnies here has been very difficult and my night ended with an EMT call to go to a horrific head on crash of two cars and trying to save one of the driver''s life.

2010-11-28T01:35:00.000-05:00

Hello again, late start on trying to keep the blog up so I will just write a short update.

You know as a parent you feel you sometimes 'get it right'? I mean, you have a child that's crying their heart out for unknown reasons and you know how important it is that you find out what was wrong, and you feel you have said exactly the right thing and said the right words of encouragement and validation to the point of giving yourself a good old pat on the back?

My second oldest, who arrived in Feb., was on the computer and she had already had her computer day, so I asked her to shut down. But in the past when I asked, I had walked away and come back 10 minutes later and she would be still on. So after 4 minutes I still see her clicking away and I go over to look at the screen and see a message in Chinese pop up and I assume she is still writing, so I say, rather loudly, "Now!" She said,"I'm trying." And my dh pipped in that it tool a long time to shut down all the programs. SO I just let it go. Twenty minutes later my daughter who is deaf comes down and says my daughter is crying. So I go up and sit on the other bed and she's totally under the blankets with her head covered.

So for the next hour I talked with her, telling her that it was OK if she was mad at me for telling her "Now" in a strong voice, I'm still here, we're not going anywhere, we are your family, etc, we've only known you for several moths and sharing is a way for us to know more about you so we can be more supportive, it's important to talk about what's making you sad, keeping it in doesn't make it go away, and there were times I would not say anything telling her I would just sit there and wait until she was ready to share. Still after an hour, she stayed under the covers crying. Then my pager went off saying there was a multi vehicle accident on a main road. I asked if she felt it was all right for me to leave because multi means more than two cars, she nodded her head, (still under the covers) and I took off.

Yes, it was a four car accident that closed down a large part of the road. All four vehicles were totaled. It's a good thing I went because only two other EMTs from my Department showed up. It took three ambulances to transport all the patients, we had two, another one had two, and the third had at least one maybe two. I got home about 3.5 hours later. My dh had dinner prepared, and the daughter who had been so upset needed to be woken up because she had been sleeping, we ate, and after the kitchen clean up I suggested to my daughter that we finish the conversation that I had started.

We sat down and I said, "All right, what was so upsetting to you this afternoon? Was it one thing or several that had piled up? Do you want me to ask a question or would you like to just start talking?" There were long pauses with no answer to each of these questions. So I said the "We love you, you are family, you can say anything....Etc" Thinking that I'm about to solve a huge problem for her, heal a hurt, sooth the parting from her Grandmother or helping her feel more accepted into the family, getting more involved as a family member, you know all the BIG things. I was thinking, this is good, movement is good.

I tried for 45 minutes and she just said it's nothing, and I replied, "Nothing doesn't make you cry and hide under the covers..." Back and forth we went, I said, "When you say it's nothing, and there's nothing to say, I find that hard to understand because something was upsetting you, so I am not going to accept 'nothing'".

Well, guess what? All that, "I'm making a breakthrough, I'm really reaching her, and whoa I'm really saying the right things..." was bogus. It WAS nothing. She was just very tired and it turns out she becomes overly sensitive when she is tired. Hmmmmmmmm, guess the only thing I learned from this is — she becomes sensitive when she's tired.

Well at least I learned something from all that.

I apologize for taking such a long break

2010-11-27T00:44:00.007-05:00

Nothing serious has caused me to cease writing for a while. I do appreciate all your concern and missing me. As I wrote a friend previously who was a bit worried at me silence, my sister was diagnosed with cancer, my deaf daughter hauled off and pushed two classmates and has been sneaky and breaking rules everyday and since she only knows immediate satisfaction in everything she does with no concept of tomorrow,or purpose for doing things such as school - so it's a huge struggle everyday, one of my twins has started to shut down emotionally more than ever and just presents a rock hard exterior, I've had to put my oldest daughter into adoption therapy which we can't afford and I've identified a huge gap in her cognitive thinking and comprehension and now need to find the right testing for her, I finally got the Deaf school on track with the curriculum for my daughter after driving up there three times, it's taken 5 months for the Deaf school to finally get us a sign teacher to come to the house and I'm the one who found her, I feel I'm not a good Mommy on most days because I seem to have developed into a hard, no-fun person which really bothers me, we're still dealing with the hole in the dining room ceiling and all the furniture and rabbits piled into the living room, dh still doesn't have a job and I keep looking, making sure all the bunnies are getting enough attention and floor time is non-ending, I had to go through re-certification classes AND the 2 hour 150 question test and three practicals to renew my EMT license and tests just totally strips me of any self confidence and fills me with fear (and I don't know if I passed yet), I'm trying to figure out how to do Christmas, and then there are the rehearsals for singing in the Nutcracker (four out of my 5 are singing), and the piano & violin lessons, and it seems EVERYONE needs help with their homework every night..... That's basically why I haven't had the energy to write anything on the blog.

There you have it. I'm sure all parents can identify and are going through the same thing, I just became emotionally spent and wasn't able to write and re-live what was going on. By the time night came, I just wanted to go to sleep.

I will really try to write something every day now, and catch up on the family as a whole because it is all changing.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2010-11-01T00:15:00.001-04:00

2010-10-27T23:47:00.000-04:00

I never thought that I was old enough to be considered an antique... I was asked to bring my Sti*ff stuffed animals to the museum today for a showing of antique toys. That means, my toys that I grew up with are antiques! How did this happen? I can't quite grasp the concept. But yet...when I figure out how old my stuffed animals are, about 50 years old, I 'guess' they are rather old, but antiques? Sigh.

Some of my girls think it's pretty funny, hurumph to that. I tell them, you just wait until your toys get to be antiques and see how funny it is then!

If antiques are worth money, does that mean I become more valuable the older I get? It is a dilemma.

2010-10-26T22:01:00.001-04:00

My deaf daughter DID draw a picture of what she remembered of where she had lived with her adopted parents in China. She didn't just draw a house, she drew the whole street, with all the houses and the next block which was the town square where they sold their vegetables. And she had taped 5 pages of printer paper end to end to complete it. She even had her out house in the picture. Next door was her friend who was little boy. She described all the festivals they shared and the neighbor that had the biggest house, which was also in the picture, that always had good celebrations with peanuts and roasted sunflower seeds. They lived on a farm and produced vegetables. She described her good-bye party and the food they served. The details were so exact, that I have to believe she was at least six years old when she went to the orphanage. Oh and she remembered her Father showing her photographs and she pointed to someone in the picture and asked "Who is that?" Her Father replied, "That is you!" She said she wondered why there weren't any baby pictures of her only little girl pictures.. Amazing, she took me on a whole journey through her life before us.

Halloween is befuddling me because my new daughters can't think of anything they want to be for Halloween. Even with many suggestions nothing has interested them — yet. I hope to post pictures of whatever the outcome. I shall make this a short post as I am trying to catch up on some sleep. Then I will be able to share more tales of my Five Blossoms.

2010-10-19T23:06:00.001-04:00

Ah yes, it became late again without me knowing it. But I will put as much news that I can before I am too tired, again.

We now have a definite date when the US Depart. Of Ed. will come and question the school district. It is in about two weeks, yeah! So hopefully my daughter can go back to school soon.

The twins are finally settled in at their new school and actually loving it. And they had an audition for a modeling job that could put money into their college account. I will let you know if they get a call back. Oh I do hope so.

My daughter who is deaf still 'entertains' me with her actions and perceptions of the world. I find if I keep listing them you all will become bored, so I will just high light the real biggies as they come up.

My eldest seems to be taking huge steps to healing her past. Working together, and finally understanding certain issues that I had missed before has helped in the communication department. One is, that I realized that she didn't understand, accept or know what to do with efforts we make on her behalf, no matter how large or small. For instance, when she needs more face wash, I try to get it within two days, or she asks to take Karate, we find a class for her. So, this is what I suddenly realized that I needed to do.
I asked her, "SO why do you think I would drive 45 minutes all the way over here, and all the way back and then be late for my EMT training?" She was silent, then groaned, "This is hard." I waited , and waited, and then she finally mumbled, "Because you care..." "Yes," I said, "you are right. And as you say it more and more it will become easier." Well, I have asked numerous times since then and she has answered each time. And her answers are coming quicker and with a smile. It never occurred to me before that she didn't 'get' that all this was meant for her because her parents cared about her. So with that, I am exploring other things that I might have missed. I think I know of one...extra patience and more acknowledgement of what she does right.

I must finish for now, I will continue tomorrow.

I have been absent

2010-10-18T23:12:00.000-04:00

I have never had such a long gap between blog entries. I am sorry if I have disappointed or frustrated anyone. There have been no catastrophes, I have just been very weary and it has been hard to find the energy to sit and tap into my emotions to write.

I need one more night off, but tomorrow I will update the various adventures of my family. So if you still are checking in, see you tomorrow.

wow.....

2010-10-09T00:22:00.002-04:00

Well, I am at a bit of a loss tonight. An unexpected tidal wave of information has washed over me that was completely unexpected. I went in to ask my deaf daughter why she hadn't said good night which she does every night. The light was off, she was in bed. I came over to her she was crying. I asked why? She did not answer. I asked again, no answer. I turned on the light and asked again, she said no reason she just wanted to cry. I explained if you are crying you have a sadness or hurt somewhere. You need to try and find that sadness and tell me about it. She could not. I asked and explained in different ways to try and help her. Sill nothing.

So I suggested that I would try to help her by asking a few questions. "Do you miss your friends in China.?", "Do you miss China?" "Are you feeling lonely?" "No". "No" and "Yes". So we started to talk, and as she went on my jaw dropped further and further to the floor. I called my dh into the room and told him what I had heard, and he too was surprised. And she continued with more and more information, it just poured out of her.

The documents I received from the orphanage said she was abandoned at the orphanage and was about 2 years old. They described the clothes that she had on and that she had a little bag in her hand with a coat... And this is what my daughter told me. She was adopted by a Chinese man and woman, and they told her that she had been abandoned as a baby and they adopted her. She had an older sister and brother. She lived in the mountains. Her house was very small, and they had to go outside to use the toilet at an outhouse that smelled bad. Her Mom was a good cook. Her Father worked in the fields and she tried to help sometimes, something about corn. They had a dog she played with. There was a picture she kept describing that she wants. It's her as a little girl, not a baby she said, but a little girl and she was so cute. She wants to have that picture.... She was five or six when she was taken to the orphanage. She said it was a very long journey that took all day. She saw her parents sign papers and she thinks they cried. When asked why she was brought to the orphanage, she said her parents were very old, and signed crooked hands for her Mother which led me to think of rheumatism. Also they didn't have any money to take her to the doctor for her deafness. She talked about her fist fighting her roommate at the orphanage and stealing toys. And there was an older deaf boy that would tell her not to do those things and explained why. She said she eventually understood. And there was more.

I asked her to draw pictures of everything that she remembers and to write all the details down and any names that she might remember. This is huge. It helps me understand her more. I realize now that there is much I do not know of her that shapes the person who she is. I am excited to find out more. I did tell her that with whatever information that she gives me, I would try and find out where her adopted family was and try and get the picture.

All I can say is "wow". It is an amazing experience to learn about her life. Before so much was unknown. So the adventure unfolds...

I would like to thank those that left comments on my last two posts. Your advise was gratefully received.

2010-10-06T23:13:00.000-04:00

And then there was today, when she purposely bought lunch at school, when she has been told numerous times that she was not to do so. I had even gotten up early to heat up a home made Shepherds pie I had made that she wanted for her lunch. She had requested it. She came home with it completely untouched because she decided she wanted a sandwich so she bought it. Which means charged it to us! I asked if she remembered that she was not allowed to buy lunch? She replied "Yes". Then why did you think it was OK to buy lunch and not eat what I had given you? I won't continue with the back and forthing but suffice it to say, she thinks it alright to decide when and where the rules she will follow and won't follow.

Any recommendation for books on respect, following rules and responsibility would be appreciated.

Four of my other daughters will be working on a farm on Saturday helping prepare for the Harvest Festival. It should be a great experience for them.

Did I ever mention that we have four bunnies? Three are rescues. Those three have interesting stories behind them. Oops, I just got yelled at for staying up so late and not going to bed. Tomorrow I will tell you their stories and post pictures.

2010-10-05T23:31:00.001-04:00

11:30 Sat. night, hear a strange sound, go into the dining room, I see nothing, all of a sudden a load of water comes through the chandelier, then through an old patch in the ceiling which I never noticed before, then through the seam in the ceiling. I ran upstairs, burst into the bathroom, and turned the shower off scaring the you know what out of my dh. The dining room ceiling is now opened up, our shower is unusable until all this can be repaired. Do you know what this means? Chaos! That's right. Seven people using the same shower, six females and one male. We all know how long it takes for six females to wash their hair. Now I have to set up a schedule for shower taking and fit it in between homework, chores, piano lessons, etc. This will all prove to be very interesting... Oh, and five out of the six females have very long hair.

My daughter who is deaf has been giving us a lot of things to deal with. Completely not acknowledging rules when it is inconvenient for her, being confrontative and argumentative with her teacher and us, and not understanding the need to focus and be serious at certain times instead she has an attitude of everything is a game and its play time. Tonight...suffice it to say, she flat out refused to do as I asked her, which she has done in the past believing that it is completely up to her to choose to obey or not. Yes, I DO understand why she is behaving like this, and the lack of input at the orphanage is a huge contributer. But I also know when she makes a conscious choice to break rules as it suits her. We have such a long way to go.

And it is so frustrating because I can't explain and discuss with her why we have rules, why she needs to have respect for her parents and teacher, why she needs to honor her responsibilities, and how she needs to behave because her language is SO limited!!! Even while we were going thru it tonight, I showed her in the dictionary the Chinese word for a sign she didn't know and she didn't understand the Chinese so I had my daughter write an explanation of it in Chinese, still didn't understand. This happened at least four times in the hour long discussion. It is extremely hard to get information across to her, especially when her logistical and comprehension skills are so limited.

I will have more update on the others tomorrow. Although I hear the more you sleep the more weight you lose. So perhaps I might plan to sleep for about 5 days, so if you don't hear from me...

2010-10-01T13:08:00.000-04:00

I will try to start my posts earlier so I can write more on a consistent basis. I wrote last night and finished at 12:01 am. I got up at 5:45 am. Deb, I know you do it all the time. I need to plan my sleep patterns better in order to handle all my responsibilities in a civil loving manner.

Speaking of which, I have applied for a job. The money situation has become quite serious. I have applied in the past, but this time I had a telephone interview and I think they will be calling me for an in-person interview next week. It is for part time around 32-36 hours. The hard part will be that the shifts available are over night until 8:00 in the morning. I will need to figure the balance with everything else. I will wait and see... Here's hoping.

The past two weeks we've been eating out of the cupboards and freezer. The past several days there have been complaints that there has been nothing to pack for lunches. They were right, but I told them to be creative. Today I finally get to shop. I'll be hitting two stores and stocking up.

My 16 year old has been trying to identify when she is negative and turn it around before it gets out of hand. I finally realized (duh!), that she didn't recognize 'caring'. Just the simplest to the overt acts of kindness. Like giving her music lessons that are so important to her even though money is tight to getting her the shampoo she wants. So, I started saying, "Why do I choose to drive 45 minutes so you can speak with someone to help heal you and 45 minutes back and I'm always late for my EMT training?" She said, "It's too hard to say." "Try," I encouraged. She hesitated and mumbled something. I said, "I didn't understand what you said." Again a mumble that was a bit clearer, "Because you care." "Hm?" I enquired. "Because you care," she replied very clearly now. "Yes," I told her, "you're right. And each time you say it, it will become easier and easier to say until it will be quite natural for you to think and believe that."

Fast forward several weeks, I had asked her the question several more times, and each time it became easier and easier for her to say. Yesterday I asked how it felt and she said, "Good." I also asked how it was going with stopping the negative thoughts and switching them to positive thoughts. She said it was hard, but she would still work on it.

My thoughts behind doing this was that she never really 'got' or recognized caring acts, let alone that they were meant for her. So by her acknowledging that what we do are acts of caring, it places a subliminal message in her brain to open that part of her that is so tightly protected and abolishes the part that says she is worthless, always wrong, never is right, and unlovable. In the past few weeks, I have see a lighter girl, as if she had shed some heavy weights form her shoulders. We still have several years of healing to go, but this is a great start. Especially since she enters high school next year, which in itself is a whole different bag of worms.

2010-09-30T23:36:00.000-04:00

Bet you thought I disappeared, or completely collapsed from all the craziness like when my daughter who is deaf was riding home in the bus with the 'prize' her speech teacher had given her. She decided to bite into it, for whatever reason, and it exploded in white powder everywhere. She then took the pile of it in her lap and smeared it all over her face. THEN she decided to put her umbrella up, in the mini bus and keep it over her head! Oh, and the other morning I came down and found that she had taken frozen pasta out of the freezer and was trying to fry it in a frying pan. She has forgotten her hearing aids three days in a row and left them once on the bus. All the kids are to make their lunch the night before. One morning I asked her if her lunch was ready, she said, "Yes". I looked in her lunch box and I saw, a cookie and a Chinese pastry... All the homeworks, EMT runs, shopping, money concerns, going to three different schools to meet a total of 15 teachers, keeping on the government to resolve my daughter's educational issue.

It has kept my brain so full, I have been forgetting...what was I just talking about??

I need some sleep. I think. The last tale I will leave you with, is my daughter who is deaf came running into my room tonight in a panic with a chunk of her hair in her hand. I couldn't imagine what had happened. She started signing, and I thought she had a snarl in her hair and had pulled at it too hard and it had come out. She was frantic. She pulled me into her room and pointed to her hair brush. As it happens I had been brushing my hair when she came in and I carried it with me when she dragged me to her room. She pulled hair out of her brush, touched her hair then the brush again. Ooohhhh, I now understood. She thought her hair was falling out because of the hair in the brush! I explained to her that it was all quite normal, and she was not to worry. "See." I said, and I pulled some hair out of my brush. She saw that and was reassured. The things we take for granted... Sure keeps me on my toes.

2010-09-24T22:53:00.003-04:00

I didn't mean to keep you hanging like that. The days rolled into the nights which became late...you know the usual. The experience with the Chinese delegation for my family was wonderful. It turns out that 4 out of my 5 daughter's Provincial heads were there. Once each daughter was introduced they were treated as celebrities taken to other members of the delegations and being introduced and having their picture taken by many people. Once they found out that we had adopted five girls, we became even more in demand to meet more people. My girls had the biggest smiles on their faces. Two really wonderful coincidences occurred for my oldest and my second oldest, who was just adopted. The Director of my older daughter's orphanage was there! And she was able to find out that all her friends had been adopted. She was so happy for them, which was a new area of empathy that surprised her when it came out and me. She also found out that her "older sister" who had aged out some time ago, not only had found a great job, but had also stayed with the Director for a year. And my other daughter spoke with the Head of her Province and discovered she knew some of the same people.

I was able to meet the Deputy Director and have a fairly interesting conversation. My family members were celebrated by the Chinese delegation as we celebrated their trip to America to meet the adoptive families and the children.

My daughter has finally learned enough SIgn Language that I could read a couple of simple children's book to her tonight. She was thrilled. It was rather hard for my because I had to substitute signs that she knew so she could follow the stories which changed the story ever so slightly. It was a whole new experience for her. I can't wait to do more.

Oh, the twins b-day party was an incredible success. Look at these Traveling Cloaks my friend made just for this occasion. They opened it first thing on their birthday morning.

2010-09-21T21:43:00.000-04:00

I have run out of time-again to continue on about the meeting with the Chinese delegation. Today ran long into homework, making dinner, and in the middle of that, all three fire departments were called out for a chimney fire. Off I went. Finished just in time to drive to the next town for my twins teacher meeting. I just arrived home and it is 9:45 and I need to finish what I left hanging when I ran out the door.

I will pick it up tomorrow, oh, wait a minute. I have a curriculum night at my daughter's school for the deaf which is an hour and fifteen minute drive one way. Hmm, I may not get home until after 10:00 or so.

So maybe the update will need to wait until the next day or I will try to write it during the day tomorrow. I really will try.

I am here

2010-09-20T23:43:00.005-04:00

I will catch you up a bit, because I do need to go to bed early, (that would be a first). I have been busy with my time and emotions.

I did hear, finally from the Government handling my daughter's case. The next step in a week or so is that they will be coming all the way here to interview the District and question their reasoning on their choices for my daughter... Then they will speak with me and my daughter. I so want her to start school, for her sake.

The other day I drove an hour and 15 minutes, one way, to go to my daughter's school for the deaf, and had a long meeting the Head Administrator, the Principal and the head Teacher. It was very successful, they seem to be on my page of concerns and goals. I will see in the following months the progress that I hope that will be accomplished.

After the weekend of my Mother's memorial party, this weekend was the twins b-day. I purchased a H*rry Pot*er party package where everything was laid out for you, all the things you needed were there to be printed out, and if you did need to buy supplies, there was a supply list. The document was 140 pages long! It took me forever to figure the whole thing out. And I do mean days of looking, printing, and dissecting. Then when I'm ready to sit down to collate everything and put it all together with what I hadn't printed out...we could not find the stack of papers. We had moved it some place out of the way for my Mother's party, and not one of us could find it. And believe me we looked in the weirdest places. It was definitely too much paper for the rabbits to eat. SO I started all over again… Just as I was really starting to 'get it', and I was on a groove when I hear my EMT pager go off. Of course I won't go I have too much to do. A second tone goes out, no one is responding between two fire departments, a third tone goes out and I hear only one person sign on. At this point I'm thinking, aw, come on, I was just in a great rhythm typing up a script and creating lists and sections for each event, (there were 7). OK, I start to get up to slowly prepare to go. I get into my EMT pants, grab my radio, phone, ID, a FOURTH tone. I call in, I'm on my way! You know, it's a good thing I did, because only two of us showed up.

I got back so late that I couldn't pick up where I left off, so I went to bed. So I tried to start the next day, the week before the party was full of teacher meetings, shopping and researching for goodie bag items, dentist appointments, and much I don't remember. By Friday I was crispy fried, wound so tight I felt like snapping. By Friday I still did not have a complete grasp on it all and I had promised a friend to spend some time with her quite a while ago. Ideally I felt I just shouldn't go, it was a 45 minute drive one way and the day before I had driven about 2 and a half hours roundtrip to my daughters school and I didn't want to put the effort out to drive following directions I had printed out that I could tell needed concentration. See, I really was close to my limit. I just wanted to finish trying to understand this party, get all the props set up with all the different rooms... But the invitation was to benefit me. My friend had wanted to give me a break. Although I felt I couldn't spare the time just now. I went knowing I HAD to do this, although doing for Me is never at the top of my list. That's a typical 'Mom' thing.

I went, and did the Yoga class with her, she took me to a very yummy lunch, with two lovely friends of hers. This she knew I needed, and made it happen. I guess that's what good friends are all about. By the time I left, I was taken down a t least 10 notches of stress. It helped with the rest of the crazy day. Because as soon as I got home, out I went with the twins, picked out a cake, picked out the balloons, went to a store to by a b-day present for a party one of the twins was going to that night, and then went shopping for food for the party. Stayed up quite late preparing. Went to bed, next day rise early and jam up to the 4:00p.m. start time.

There were 12 ten year olds, 3 boys, the rest girls. Oh my was it loud. It was very successful, they all seemed to really get into it, especially the potion class. I had gizzards, and salmon skins, bat livers, bloodworms, and other gross stuff. The kids loved it! I also served dinner as a H*gworth feast, then more things to do. Finally the cake, several games of telephone, opening presents, and 4 hours had passed and then they were gone. Hugh sigh! I started to clean up which took another hour or so, just as I was sitting down and relaxing...you guessed it, my pager went off. Oh no, I thought. One tone...second tone, oh heck I'm not waiting this time. I gathered up what little energy I had and raced out the door. I got home after 11:00 p.m. and slide into bed.

Only to wake up everyone early the next morning to go on a special boat ride with important people who are in charge of all adoptions in China. A delegation of 30 people came over to meet adoptive families.

More tomorrow.

2010-09-13T22:21:00.001-04:00

My Mother's Celebration of Life party went very well. People appeared form my past that I hadn't seen for at least 40 years. It was very special.

I was hoping to hear from the Office of Civil Rights today regarding the schools giving my daughter English grammar so she could access an equal education, but I didn't. I will rattle their cage tomorrow.

My twins like their new school. We are presently revving up or the b-day party this Saturday. I'll explain more tomorrow, but suffice it to say it will be a bit of work and creative energy...

My older daughter has indicated a few things that leads me to believe that it is now out of my range of experience to help her. So for 3 hours today I researched many possibilities for an adoption therapist, which in my area is not many. I found one, we went today, my daughter is happy with her and wants to go again. Financially it will be a great hardship, she doesn't take our insurance. The only other one I found that does take our insurance was a little over an hour away. I am very sure that she needs to see this person right now in her life, and I realize it needs to be long term, I'm just not sure how to make it all work.

The deaf school is willing to meet with me after I wrote a letter that said in part:
"I sincerely hope I will not have to continually remind everyone again that she has only been in this country 7 months and does NOT know English and her ASL is very limited. Would you please treat her as an ESL student. Give her basic vocabulary with the signs that go with them. Teaching her nouns before she has any vocabulary is counter-productive. As her parent my request is that her education at this point is focused mainly on vocabulary, sign, math and nothing else. You will need to develop a special program for her. You are not meeting her needs at this point."

So three out of five children are settled in school at this point. That's more than half, right?

I just came back from my EMS meeting so I'm off to early bed. I hope to wake tomorrow, cheery, full of energy with a little blue bird on my shoulder. (You have to be over 55 to understand that reference).

Eureka!

2010-09-10T10:27:00.000-04:00

What a nice way to start the day. I came down at 6:30 this morning to check on my daughter who is deaf, That usually means I have to remind her to eat breakfast first, pack her lunch, pack her water, zip up her pants, where are her shoes, is everything in your backpack, are you looking at the time, is the bus driver here, etc? Well, by golly, this morning, I had nothing to say...nothing! She had done everything including zipping here zipper. Wow, this is huge. If it continues for 5 more school days, I think she will have arrived at a new level. I do hope so because on the selfish side, I would like to see a little success from the efforts that I have put towards her. I will let you know the results in 5 days, after the weekend of course.

Ah, the challenges of parenting

2010-09-09T23:23:00.005-04:00

Do any of you out there have a child that just presses your buttons and makes you over react to situations? Oh, it is so annoying, just as you think you are doing and saying the right things to your children, one of them comes along and pushes those buttons and makes all your hard work seem like it's going down the drain and you feel like a bad Mommy. I know orphanage issues and hormones is a nasty mixture but jeesh, does it have to be so complicated as well? This is going to be such a long road to healing for my older daughter. So much for avoiding gray hair...

My dear daughter who is deaf, showed me again how far she needs to go. She still forgets to zip her zipper. And I caught her the other day pulling out that little pocket that is in the big pocket on jeans and patting it down so it hung out. Why? This morning she took out some left over rice from Chinese take away. While she was heating it I asked her, now what should you put it in to carry to school? She pointed to the little cardboard carton it came in. I know why she thought that but her cognitive skills are a bit lacking, so I had to teach her by...do you think your rice will stay warm in the carton? Do you think it might spill out? Where should it go to stay warm and not fall out...She finally got it - the thermos. Another day in my life that tells me the rest of my life will be full of challenges.

I return with a quick post.

2010-09-07T23:59:00.003-04:00

Thank you for your kind support. I have been absent because I have not had the energy to write.

There is not a lot to update except some of the 'usual' stories about my daughter who is deaf. Hmmm, I probably should just list them. Well she still can't manage to remember to zip up her zipper, I have to check it every time I see her. It's just not in her radar to think of as important. Then she came to me signing something about something not tasting good. I walked into her room, she pointed, I looked at carved wood birds, and I signed, "What?" Again she pointed at the birds. I looked closely, and there was a glo stick around one of birds. She had bit into the glo stick! I asked "Why?" She replied that she didn't know..sigh.

She also has no sense of time, she got up late today, I mean really late. Slowly she came down stairs, the bus was coming in 5 minutes, and she proceeds to take a pot out to warm up some rice for breakfast. I said to her, there is no time to heat the rice and there is no time to eat the rice, eat cereal instead. She could not understand why she couldn't have the rice. I broke it down for her, it takes about 4 minutes to heat the rice and about 4-5 minutes to eat it. You now have 3 minutes until the bus comes! And all this is before I had my coffee...

She always forgets to put her papers, homework and books in her backpack. Now mind you, I ask, "Did you put everything in your back pack?" She always answers "Yes." Then I will ask specifics, and she says, "Oh, I forgot," and proceeds to finally pack it. In her tunnel focus of, "I see it, I want it, or I do it," she fails to ask first. She took out all the sheets from he closet and re-stacked them. I know she was just trying to help, but now all the bottom sheets are mixed with the top sheets and the twins, and doubles and queen sheets are all together. She did the same with ALL her clothes putting jeans in her draws, hanging up sweat pants, putting short and long sleeves together and, well you get the picture. Because of that it takes her forever to get dressed. So I re-did everything,again, and told her not to change it.

So many things to teach her, and to watch out for. I need to devote a lot of time to her because she has such a long way to go.

My other girls are doing well. I do have a concern about one of the twins. I sense something happening there that isn't very positive. I've tried a 'casual' chat with her a couple of times to try and figure out what was happening underneath, but to no avail. I think I might need to press a little bit harder.

One last thing, I want to share a bit about what I wrote about my Mother for the obituary.

"While attending College she became interested in marine biology and spent years researching shark behaviors. She was a trained scuba diver and has hand fed sharks.

She served on the Board of Directors for the Amer*can R*d Cros*, the Town Association, she was one of the founders of the Church, a G*rl Sc*ut Leader, served on numerous PTAs and was on the Board of Directors for the Pony Club.

She was a world traveler. On her trip to Africa, she had the honor bestowed upon her by being accepted as a member of the Masai tribe.

She chose to start a new career in her 40’s. She became a Real Estate agent. After many successful years in real estate, she was as one of the first Corporate Relocation Consultants. She finally retired when she was 68.

She is remembered as a caring person that was a great friend and Mother. She had tireless energy devoted to her family and work. She was also an avent garde type Mother, that in the 60’s liked rock n’ roll, blue jeans and marched for peace."

2010-09-02T23:24:00.002-04:00

It is difficult to start because I don't know where to begin. I have found out a few things since Monday. I found out that one of my twins has great empathy. As I was sitting on my bed reeling from the news and crying, there came a knock at my door, and one of my twins came in slowly. She climbed up on the bed and sat next me and said, "I wanted to comfort you." Oh my heart could not have hurt much more. She stayed by me, saying nothing just being there. I found out that my dry eye condition gets a lot worse with a lot of crying. I found out that people I didn't know really cared about supporting me (all of you). I found out that acquaintances and friends I hadn't been in touch with for quite some time made the effort to let me know they were thinking about me. I found out I am getting to know myself better. And I found out that the family I had always yearned for, that I didn't have growing up and kept trying to 'make it happen,' was really all around me in plain sight.

I have felt sluggish for the past several days, but I couldn't give into it because the girls started back to school. Two on Wed., two today and I stared Homeschooling again. Regarding that, the complaint that I flied is still progressing forward. Within a few weeks the Lawyer and Advocate from the Government will come here from out of state to meet with the school system. I do hope it is resolved soon.

After another confrontation of attitude, issues, etc., I sat my eldest down and made a game plan and agreement with her. One of the things I suggested was to allow me to stop her as she is starting to rev up her emotions and anger. She did just that last night, I stopped her, showed her another way of looking at what was bothering her and she calmed down and let it go. Wow, that was a first. I hope to continue helping her gain skills to use to re-direct her anger, disgust and lack of respect for adults.

One last thing as I am pretty tired. My deaf daughter starting getting all moody tonight when I asked her to pick out what she wanted for lunch tomorrow to bring to school. She got all sulky and into, I don't want any lunch, I won't be hungry, or there's nothing to eat or a sister is in her way, and so on. I asked one of the twins to help her pick something out as I was giving holding time to one of the bunnies. She said she didn't want anything she was shown. I asked her to come to me and I said, you have to bring lunch to school, you don't have to eat it but you do have to bring it. Well, the tears started coming. I questioned her, "Why are you sad? Is it because I asked you to make your lunch? Is it because you don't want to do it , etc." To all my questions the answer was "No."

"Then why are you sad?" "I don't know." "Tell me why you are sad." "You asked me to make lunch for school and I got sad, I don't know why." "Let's talk about it and find out." This went on for a while, then all of a sudden she started recalling being told what to do in China, being slapped all the time, being told she was wrong, and one particular man always had a cigarette in his mouth and smoke always got in her face when he was yelling at her. OK ,I said to myself, we have some things to work on here. So I talked about how that will never happen again, they were wrong to treat her like that. If it ever did occur at school she was to tell me and I would drive the school, and yell at that teacher and report them to the Director of the school. Her reaction was, "You would drive all the way there???" I said, Oh yes, no one hurts one of my children. Your Mama and Papa are here to love and protect you always. That is never going to happen again, we will protect you, we are your forever family and no matter what you do or don't do, we are never going away. A whole new concept for her, I think she understood.

2010-09-01T21:57:00.004-04:00

I want to thank everyone for their caring and kind words. They actually do make a difference as I wander through a collection of emotions.

Tomorrow, Thursday, I will start writing again with updates on all.

Two things...

2010-08-31T20:45:00.000-04:00

My Mother passed away last night.

We won't be getting the little boy with the heart condition from China. A couple has said they want to adopt him and their dossier is complete. So the good news is that he will be getting medical treatment soon and a family, the bad news is we won't be his family.

2010-08-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was going to catch you up on some things. In the afternoon my sister called. My Mother is dying, so I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with my sisters and Mother. I'm going again today.
We don't know when she will leave, it could be at anytime at this point. So, I will take a break for a little while. Keep checking back though, I will come back when things settle here to continue the blog and update situations.

Thanks for your continued interest in my family.

2010-08-24T23:31:00.001-04:00

I totally forgot that tonight was the first rehearsal of my chorale that I sing in all year, so I'm starting this post later than I wanted to.

So I have been putting a lot of thought into how to heal my older two girls. My oldest came to us angry. Some of it has gone away, but the core is still there. She is so angry and hurt that she never had a childhood. She doesn't want to grow up, she doesn't want to "act her age," or have responsibilities or be nice to her younger sisters who get to play all the time. She has a void that needs filling. She can't go back to being six and start over again. But she needs to experience what she has 'lost'. I think I came up with a possible solution. I don't know... This is my idea. That one day every week she gets to be a 'kid'. She can choose whatever activity she wants, perhaps me reading her a story, playing dolls, playing Candyland, or just going for a walk. I will have to ask her. This is only my first attempt at finding a solution. It's a start at least.

And for my other daughter, I think having more one on one time with her, getting more friends to be with, and talking about her past with names and dates and bringing it all out instead of having it buried might help. All I can do is try.

My other three are works in progress and I am trying to develop agendas for them. In between all this I'm still working with the Office of Civil Rights who have already notified the school, I'm still trying to meet with the teachers at the deaf school to get them 'aware' that my daughter is not just deaf, but she is a foreigner and grew up in an orphanage all her life which means she learns and comprehends things differently, and so much more. But it's late and I won't bore you with details...

2010-08-23T23:23:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the absence in communication, no reason really, just busy to the point of being too tired to write at night. Like now. But I will catch you all up tomorrow. I'm on night duty tonight, so I'm off to bed...

2010-08-18T23:24:00.002-04:00

So, I am in a vice today/tonight. Getting squeezed from my new daughter with trying to find the right words to help sort out her emotions and fears, my oldest daughter who is angry and resentful that she never had a childhood which manifests into negative, disrespectful, unreasonable behavior, and my daughter who is deaf, figuring out a way to build pathways in her brain to learn to listen for the first time. And the twins entering their new school, and dh and I not seeing eye to eye.

I'm being squeezed from all sides right now. It is not a pleasant experience to try and balance everyone's needs without craving an escape for myself to regroup. I want to be able to say the right thing and give the correct guidance to my girls. That takes so much emotional energy to focus and tune in and that is what I do. I would like to escape for a night out at an expensive restaurant, with friends, without worrying about money and not thinking about anything...just for a few hours.

2010-08-17T00:26:00.000-04:00

I forgot to mention the final step in the Spa treatment. One of the twins got out all her Easter candy (I make them sort out their Halloween & Easter candy and keep only a small bit in a plastic bag in the kitchen), and she put it all in a basket an offered some as my treatment was over. I would definitely say that it was a full service Spa. They made their Father make an appointment for today for his pedicure and massage. He also received the full treatment minus the nail colors and designs...

Now their next customers will be their Girl Scout leaders and they can earn a couple of badges from it as well. They are so industrious.

I found out today, that my daughter CAN hear with her hearing aids on. I thought they weren't working because she never responded to anything including working with her on 'hearing' her name. Through a little Q & A, I discovered that she has no 'connections' in her brain to hear sounds, they don't register. That makes sense you say, well yes, but somehow that barely crossed my mind. So I explained to her that as soon as she hears her name she must look right away to see who is calling her. I did a few experiments when her back was turned and darn if she didn't hear each time, she even said she did. She just didn't know what to do when she did hear. So now I need to create new exercises to start connecting those synapse and training her brain to recognize sounds. Yet one more thing on my 'To Do' list.

So I started today, I sat her down and started her on listening to the alphabet. I didn't want her to say the letters, just listen to the sounds. I took a long time working with her, and made comparisons such as the sound for "I" and "eye". Then I would say a letter and have her try and sign what she thought I was saying. And for such a short time, she got a lot correct. Then we moved onto the vowels, and the long and short sound symbols. With a lot of explanation and examples she started to understand the theory behind long & short vowels and how they effect the pronunciation of a word. Then we had fun with a picture book where I chose things that are in a bathroom. We did, towel, soap, bathroom, toilet, and a few others. Again I tested her by saying the word and having her point to the picture. When she got it wrong, it really wasn't wrong because it was part of the process of training the ear. It was a lot of fun, and a lot of work. And we did numbers up to ten, and 'who', 'what', 'where' & 'why'. Yes it seems like a lot on the first go around, but she was enthusiastic, so I kept going. We'll go over them again tomorrow.

This could be a start of great things to come...

2010-08-15T22:16:00.000-04:00

You know it occurred to me, it is very hard to be an all knowing, insightful, intelligent, have-all-the-answer-parent when you barely know the child(ren). I have only known my girls for 6.5 months. How can I possibly hope to say or do the right thing? Especially when there is so much unknown. All I really can do is deal with what I see and hear at that moment. It's like flying a plane and all you know about it is what you've read in books or seen in the movies, and hope you don't crash and burn.

My twins have been begging me for at least a year to let them give me a spa, yes really. Finally I gave in today. First they hung up directions on every wall all the way to their room. Then I knocked and they had me sign in my name, date & time. They then handed me a 6 page book they created of choices of services including the prices. I had 10 choices of how much time I wanted for a massage, and then the choice of how many colors I wanted for my pedicure with prices that went up with each number, and 8 choices of designs for my toes. I choose 4 colors with the star and moon on my big toes and percent marks for all the others. For my pedicure they brought me a drink and magazine. They first soaked my feet, then scrubbed them with pumice, then put cuticle remover on, then callous remover on, then a special lotion that they massaged in for at least 10 minutes on each foot. Then it was time for their art work on my toes, which is absolutely gorgeous. It took two hours to do so we ran out of time for the massage, which I will get tomorrow. The bill came to $30.00, but luckily they gave me a certificate that read: my name and "no payment till the end of the year, can't be used for tips". "Infinity dollars, Infinity cents". So I turned that in. But of course I did leave a tip. Now they're ready to do this for their Girl Scout leaders and the girls in the troop. They plan to save their tips for their college fund. I am very lucky to have such kind, creative, intelligent caring girls. Who could ask for more?

2010-08-14T23:36:00.001-04:00

So, the disruptions that I have been following are at a stalemate. They are stuck with the children involved, in not the best environment. Presently I have gone as far as I can go on it, especially because they are happening in other states. I feel quite sad & angry at this point. I will keep checking on them and hope for the best.

Well, my skills as a Mother have certainly been challenged this week. I don't know where to begin because it has so many layers. I will just list randomly some of the issues that came up. And this is with my two oldest.

Why are people here in this world, why am I here, sees nothing to hold on to, sad and lonely, in the orphanage the only way we had to defend ourselves was to hit each other — we had to be strong, sometimes after that we were friends because we had to stick together, we don't like younger children, we don't know how to feel for them, American children are 'spoiled brats' they are soft, I had to grow up at 6, I never got to play and waste time, I can't feel anything, I'm always stuffing my anger down instead of yelling or hitting, can't change after years of being in the orphanage, and there is so much more.

I have a lot of work on my hands. With I deal with each differently, yet on several things they have the same issues. We will take small steps at first. The first step is having them believe that it is all right to express their thoughts and emotions even if it is anger or negativity, but it needs to be expressed by choosing the right words and tone of voice. We discussed how that would sound. For instance my older daughter gets so mad at the twins when they discuss over who unloads the dishwasher and who will put the dishes away when she needs to do something at that counter space. My daughter wants to just scream at them to stop being spoiled brats and do the work like you're supposed to! Instead she just stuffs it down and it comes out as something else later. So, I told her, "You're right, that can be annoying." Her reaction was one of surprise that I agreed with her. I needed to validate her emotions. I said here is how you can say what you want to say. "You need to make a decision now, I need to make lunch and I can't if all the dishes are in my way." Well, she liked my idea. So we talked about a few other situations that annoy her, and I gave her suggestions of what to say.

My other daughter although her English is somewhat limited has been holding back her confusions and feelings. I gave her 'permission' to share what ever was on her mind and she was there when I was talking and dealing with the very intense sadness and anger from my other daughter. So she could see that I was there to help, and I did understand.

Did I mention how this all started? Several days ago it started with one daughter sobbing from the very depth of her being, and I spent almost 2 hours with her until she came to a place of being comfortable. And last night my other daughter was sobbing also, and raging as well, and I spent almost two hours with her. There is a lot of work to be done here, a lot of healing.

Like in the play Peer Gynt where he says people are like onions. They have many layers, and as you peel each one off there is another one, And you keep peeling until you find the center. And that is how I will hope to heal my girls

2010-08-10T23:47:00.000-04:00

Why is it that adopted girls that are 13 seem to be disrupted more than others? Before the present two came to my attention, I knew of 4 others in the past year or so. And tonight, I heard of one MORE! A thirteen year old deaf girl who is a perfect child according to a parent that knows her and had her stay for 3 weeks at her house. The "mother' decided she "was done" and did not care where she went, she just wanted her gone. So she put her with a family that doesn't know sign language or anything about the deaf culture. They are supposed to be her legal guardians, but no one knows if they are even interested in adopting her. I am so ready to scream!!! Who are the social workers that OK these people?? What are they thinking? There has GOT to be a change in how parents are prepared and screened. This is happening way too much!

To temper my anger and disgust, the good news is I heard from the woman whose organization will be handling bringing the little guy over and helping arrange for getting doctor and hospital to donate their services. Although I'm not sure how she will do that because from several of the calls I have made, I didn't see any enthusiasm towards giving free medical care. But she assures me, that she feels confident that she can make it happen. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Sigh, I am not the patient type.

When I hear anything about any of the disruptions, I will post the news.

What disruption means.

2010-08-08T23:25:00.001-04:00

In the past week and a half I have heard about more disruptions than the total of last year. Now either they are just becoming more visible and talked about, or the adoption community is starting to take a terrible blow.

From the information that I have read or received, a number of disruptions are the result of the perspective parents not doing any research. Thereby setting up unrealistic expectations. The parent can already have bio children, work in the health industry as a doctor or nurse, be a teacher, but that does not prepare the parent for a child with orphanage issues and unknown back history. Case in point, the Mother who was a Pediatrician that abused her adopted daughter to the point of killing her within 3 months of adopting her. She was a Pediatrician, shouldn't SHE have been the perfect parent? If you don't read, research, talk to other adoptive parents you DON'T know and you DON'T understand what you are getting into. And it is so unfair to the child for the parents to cast them into an unrealistic role of a grateful, typical teenager, cute Chinese doll role.

If I hadn't done my research when I adopted my first teenager, frankly I don't know what I would have done. She had been home 2 weeks and I asked her not to wear a ponytail for the school picture. Well, she threw one whale of a tantrum, crying extremely loud, screaming throwing herself on the floor, pulling her hair out in chunks and trying to break things. And this was just the first of many. Luckily, I had read about this, and knew exactly how it should be handled. Then there was "I hate you!" to her younger sisters and being incredibly mean and impatient (which went on for about 3 years). Again, I learned how to handle it, what caused it, and it takes a long time to dissipate. It's the knowing that helps you get through the hard times. And it's the not knowing that freaks parents out into disruptions.

Parents that have disrupted because of their child being diagnosed with RAD, or oppositional defiant disorder have something quite different to deal with. I know parents that have had early diagnosis for their child (before puberty) and went into intense RAD therapy that the parents work incredibly hard each day and the child develops into a loving attached child (after years of hard work). Then again I have heard where even therapy and hard work did not help. Bottom line with a RAD diagnosis, if you don't get immediate therapy with a professional who has been specially trained the child will probably ruin the parents lives. And there are times when 'the fit' just doesn't work and tears the family apart even with doing their homework on adoption. But that is only in severe cases.

I wish that I could reach out and help some of these children who are being so misunderstood and mistreated because of the way they're expected to act. Their lives are being made miserable and they end up going into a deep depression. I would almost call the parents who act like this "Bullies".

OK, I'm off my soap box. No one needs to agree with me, I just needed to vent because at this moment I know of two 13 year old girls recently adopted and suffering because their new parents are making unreasonable demands on who they should be and how they should act. It breaks my heart.

2010-08-08T00:00:00.001-04:00

What I forgot to mention about the various frustrations that popped up during shopping is dealing with my daughter who is deaf. She has no concept of self image. She is totally unaware of how she presents herself in clothes, hair, or posture. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't have to remind her zip her zipper up. Really! It is too funny, its like she is oblivious.

When we finally found things for her to try on, she went into the dressing room and came out with pants and a top on saying they were too small. So, I looked, made her turn around, and then I looked closer...she still had her shorts on underneath!! I asked her "Why?" She gave me the "I don't know" and "why should I take off my clothes?" I let a breath out slowly and stood there not moving for a count of ten. I tell her to go back into the dressing room and take the shorts off. She comes out and the pants fit fine. I look at the top and she signs, as she pulls out her strap, "Should I take this off too?", referring to the shirt that she wore into the store! I sign slowly, "Yeees..." So she pops back into the dressing room, sigh.

The next day I was thrust into a very important serious emotional situation with my other new daughter. For her privacy I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that as over prepared I am in most areas, this one caught me by surprise. If I don't handle it correctly, the consequences could be serious. Thus I have discreetly asked around for book referrals, spoken with a couple of Moms that have teenage children and I'll do my meticulous research "thing,"

I am waiting until next week for more information for this little guy. Several things need to happen before he can come to the US for his surgeries. First we need to know that he can fly, then, most importantly, we need a Pediatric Cardiologist to donate his services and a hospital to do the same. From what I hear getting a Doctor can be hard, but not impossible. Having a hospital donate their services IS impossible. Without surgery, he will die. That is a fact. So without a hospital coming forward, we would need some very big donors to step in. In today's economy I don't see that happening. But I don't give up easily and I believe we will find a way to keep this little boy alive,

Shop to you drop - I almost did...

2010-08-05T20:40:00.001-04:00

It started out as a just let's go to the mall, meet my friend with her daughter, and do some shopping. All five girls went. FOUR HOURS later, sore feet and back, I ended up shopping for all five girls. We found a really great sale and just stayed in the store. Back and forth, back and forth from clothes to dressing room and back again.

Then we had my two new daughters who were noncommittal on everything I showed them all sorts of choices, one looked blankly at me and the other completely stonewalled me. She just set her jaw and seemed slightly upset. So I asked my friend to take her around in case it was me, but no, she showed no interest. I pulled her aside and asked if something was bothering her. She said "No." I asked, "Are you sad about something?" "No". OK... "Why don't you want to choose come clothes?" No answer. She finally comes up with she doesn't like the clothes here. OK fair enough. I say to her to let me know what kind of clothes she does like and I will find a store to take her to on another day.

I deal with my older daughter wanting more than I said she could have, I deal with the twins who are fairly cooperative but are distracted by the other things in the store like backpacks, jewelry, headbands...I deal with my deaf daughter who keeps signing "I don't know" when I ask her "Do you like this? Do you like this color?" Finally I get her settled, she's the last one and I'm ready to check out. I turn around and what do I see? My daughter who wanted no part in the shopping escapade suddenly has her arms full of clothes to go and try on! I silently think, now where did that come from?, and proceed to encourage her by saying that's a great color, or look at that style, or that is so cute on you. But all this added another 45 minutes onto this day of supposed casual/short shopping.

This is my first experience of taking all five shopping, remind me not to do it again.

No news yet

2010-08-04T23:05:00.000-04:00

This is where it is today. The woman who is President of the organization that brings sick children to the US to have treatment, the one who is presently in Beijing for five months, is going to see the little boy today, China time. I can't wait to hear back from her. Also I researched for her which Doctor to approach for gratis surgery. I believe I found the perfect one, he is considered the top Pediatric Cardiologist and has trained Doctors in China and he himself is Chinese! He also works at the hospital that was voted one of the top Pediatric Hospitals. The woman will be contacting him and start arranging the medial side of things. If this Doctor and hospital are not interested , I will search out another. This woman's organization has already committed to flying the child and nanny to America.

Let's hope the details start to fall into place. This little guy will turn two on August 11th. I hope we can give him many more birthdays.

Possible new adventure,,,

2010-08-03T12:41:00.015-04:00

It is only in the very beginning phase, but there is a little boy about 2 years old in China, in a special foster home that will not live unless he comes to the states for special heart/lung surgery. A Pediatric heart surgeon looked at the medical records and Angiogram and said, "Thereafter repeated cardiac catheterizations would likely be required to deal with developing scarring of the small lung artery branches. Even patients with his kind of heart disease who have permanent access to cardiac intervention and re-intervention are very challenging and present therapeutic dilemmas. Permanent access to pediatric cardiology and cardiovascular surgery is necessary for patients with his heart problem to do well long term."
So you see, that caught my eye so I replied to the email they gave. They emailed back and gave me the contact person who is the main advocator for this little guy. And it was incredible! The person is someone we travelled with almost 9 years ago when we went to adopt our twins!!! Now there's a 'meant-to-be.' So I suggested he call a certain Foundation that brings sick children to the US for surgeries. I offered to be the host family. Yes I know, do I realize what I am taking on? Yes, I believe I do. My guess is if it does happen, and he stays for about a year getting surgeries, we would probably adopt him.
With all the girls here, think how spoiled he will be!
OK, it has been 2 hours since I posted the above.. and - OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What has happened in such a short time, it is unexpected.

So, here it is: I ended up calling the Foundation and found out the Executive Director, that I know, is in Beijing for 5 weeks. Which, by the way is where this little guy is. I emailed her at about 4:45, which is 4:45 in the morning there. The next thing I know at 5:00 my time, I get a call from China! We spoke a half hour and the jist of the conversation was, "Let's do it." I was in shock! Then she said, she hopes to have him in the States in two months, YIKES!!! Whoa that's fast!
So my assignment is to find a Doctor that is open to gratis surgery and follow up. Once identified, she will do the rest with the Doctor and hospital. I think I found the perfect one, who is actually Chinese and works gratis in China and is passionate about children. So she makes the arrangements, the organization flys the child and nanny over and, voila I will have a little guy in my house of girls. Whew...

When everything is confirmed, I will post pictures of this incredibly beautiful, joyful child. Until then, I will keep you all up to date.
I have all girls clothes, anybody out there have any boys clothes they don't need...?

2010-08-02T01:32:00.000-04:00

I was just sitting down to write when my pager went off for an EMS call, and now I just got home, it is 1:23 in the morning so I will just be quick about a few things.

Robin and 'China Dreams' left comments on the situations of possible disruptions. I agree with all that they said. Yes the social worker should definitely bear some responsibility in this case. If she had asked the right questions perhaps she would have caught the misinterpretation of what adopting an older child, or any child really entailed. Before they are allowed to adopt parents should be made to read information regarding what to expect and what could happen and how to handle it. The the social worker should question them to see if they understood what they read. Sometimes no matter how many times you say something, a person never hears.

We call the day our children were adopted "Family Day" because that is the day they joined our family.

The situation with the older child 'might' be getting slightly better. There is another Mom and myself that are sending reality check emails to her and she may have started to 'get it'. I don't know, we will wait and see. I am not quite sure about the younger child though, I have not heard in a few days...

I should go to bed at this point. I had a very active weekend starting on Friday. My 40th high school reunion happened, and it was wonderful. Many of my classmates and I grew up together since we were three. It was a warm fuzzy weekend. I needed that!

When parents haven't done their research...

2010-07-28T23:40:00.000-04:00

Sigh, I am presently in conversation with two families that have come home recently and have totally unrealistic expectations (to smile and be friendly at relatives, like your new brother and sister, be perfect and loving). These children, adopted from two different countries have issues that all abandoned children have. To expect them not to be angry, frustrated, scared, and full of defenses is unrealistic. These two families are taking the children's behaviors as personal assaults and can not see the big picture, of a child in a strange country, scared, doesn't speak the language to ask questions or express fears, totally in culture shock and doesn't quite understand what is happening to them.

My heart breaks for the children. I have written many emails explaining this is normal, sent articles, even emails of other parents going through the same thing and coming out on the other side saying it was all worth it.

I have offered several suggestions where to seek help, if all else fails we will be a respite home for one or both until suitable families can be found.

I am feeling the hurt and confusion of these children. Why don't parents do their homework BEFORE they adopt so they can understand what they are getting into? It is mind boggling that they expect these children to smile and be grateful... I am speechless.

I will continue to try and advocate for the child as best I can, and hope the parents make the right choices...

A Tally

2010-07-27T21:01:00.000-04:00

Just want to do a sort of roll call of my life... Let me see, one husband somewhat used, 5 daughters of varying ages, 4 bunnies- three girls and one boy, one purchased three rescued, one Beta fish rescued, one house owned by bank, two very worn out mini vans, 4,500 dust bunnies at last count, a handful of spiders, one ladybug which means we'll be adopting again, (The only time I see lady bugs is just before an adoption starts), 3 sets of stairs which are perfect for up & down playing, a garden in progress (the progress will be continuous), and a slightly worn out me trying to look youthful for her 40th High School reunion this weekend...

Yup, that's everything, check, check and double check, it is all here. Good, now I can go to bed and have a good night's sleep.

2010-07-26T23:55:00.005-04:00

Hello, my birthday was a great success. I tend not to have a groups of friends, rather individuals, so at this party few knew each other, the common denominator was me. Everyone enjoyed meeting each other and making new friends, I love it when that happens!

I had kids over to fit the various ages in the house... I discovered during the party that my newest adopted daughter was not participating with the girls she was familiar with and her older sister. Instead she hid. Her head remained down as she 'appeared' to be concentrating on doing crafts all night. Hmmmm

I spoke with her about that and said if she wants to learn English she must take a risk and speak to people.
She said that she has nothing to say... Oh I know where this conversation is going and if I continue it, it will be a losing battle. So I told her that she and I will have a 10 minute conversation, with full sentences every day starting TODAY. Ad we did, and she squirmed a lot. But the more we do it, the easier it should become.

Well, it turns out I won't have to fight for the twins this year to get a 'gifted' education. Two openings came up for the International magnet school. I am thrilled, this place is a new campus and teaches and look at what they study! This was their curriclum from last year.
Areas of exploration for each continent are geographical location, climate, landforms, language, history, fun facts and daily life (including holidays, celebrations, traditions, schooling, family, and etiquette).
And they study all of the above in each country in the world. So you can see why I am so excited, talk about an amazing opportunity! This is exactly what I wanted for them. The school only goes to 5th grade unfortunately, but at least they will have one year.

2010-07-24T00:11:00.001-04:00

I started writing this post on the 23rd, and I lapsed into the 24th because it's just after midnight, read as if it is Friday night the 23rd.

Back to the doctors this morning. My daughter came and showed me her palms which had tiny red bumps on them and itched, and she showed me the inside of her lower lip which also had bumps... and the sore throat was still there. The 24 hour incubation period for strep proved to be negative, thank you. So what is all this? Well, the doctor concluded it was Kawasaki. No medicine for it, it just has to run its course. Is it contagious? Yup, but only when there is a fever. Since she already had a fever for two days, everybody was exposed so that is that.

Tonight I had a date, yes, we really got it together to do it. Of course it would not have happened without the pushing and prodding of my friend who we 'double dated' with. The food was wonderful, the conversation was satisfying, truly a very pleasant night. For a while I was transposed to a different place. And my dh surprised me and was very entertaining all evening. Guess he needed a break too and didn't realize it.

Tomorrow I become one year older. I'm not sure how I am to feel about that. We are having some people over for a BBQ. Most do not know it's my birthday. I really just enjoy having friends around, sometimes it can be lonely when you are too busy and caught up with taking care of the family to reach out to others for a break. As we left tonight, all 5 of my daughters were sitting around the craft table making presents. I had told them when they asked me what I wanted, was that they could buy something, but if they could make something from their heart it would mean so much to me. I can't wait to see what they created!

I noticed something interesting about my new daughter today. When she spoke Chinese to my other daughter her face lit up, and I saw expressions I have never seen on her before. Even though they speak Chinese all the time, she was relaying information that was funny, and her expressions were amazing, she twinkled. I had received another sales call from a Chinese woman and I gave it to my daughter who listened, spoke a few words, listened again, it seems the woman was putting on the hard sell and my daughter couldn't get a word in edgewise. Finally the call was over and I asked her, what was going on THIS time. Well she had so much to say and not enough English words, so she told my other daughter in Chinese what happened then she told me in English. Talk about a three way translation! Apparently they are opening a new business in a near by big city with a big party on Sunday and we were invited to this special opening. We needed a password to get in, it would be the last four digits of our phone number. And when my daughter asked what the address was, she couldn't understand the woman because the woman's accent was Hong Kongese! So I guess we can't go, darn! My daughter also asked this woman how she had gotten my cell phone number, and she said the computer just spits out numbers and they call them... Guess there's no escaping modern technology.

A quick post for tonight

2010-07-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

I took my daughter to the doctor today to check out her sore throat. While we were waiting she showed me a huge red welt on her leg, it was a bug bite that she had been scratching.

The doctor comes in and measures her. In 4 months or so she has gained 8 pounds and grown two and one quarter inches, and half a shoe size! I asked the doctor, can this be considered something normal that can happen, or is this a "wow"? She said, "This is a WOW." OK, will I be having a basket ball player on my hands in a few years...? I guess I will have to wait and see.

The doctor took a throat culture and the quick test was negative for strep, so we're waiting for the 24 hour result tomorrow morning. My daughter asked why her throat hurt and I explained that her throat on one side had a lump that was red and swollen. Just to show you how little life she has experienced, she pointed to her red swollen bug bite, and asked did she sleep with her mouth open and a bug flew in and stung her throat. She was really worried. I and the doctor had to reassure her that that did NOT happen and could never happen. Her throat hurt for a different reason.

Went to the lake today with all the girls and the twins swam and the other 3 built amazing forts and waterways and had a great time. As we left my two new daughters were having water fights with their water bottles. Oh before that they were running around trying to step on each others shadow.

More tomorrow.

2010-07-21T23:17:00.003-04:00

My poor daughter who is deaf came home from school today with a 101.3 fever, a swollen tonsil and a nasty red ear. The school called so dh went to pick her up but the school is an hour and 10 minutes away. So my poor daughter had to wait and then have the car ride home. By the time she got in the door she was crying she didn't feel so well. I took her up to bed, lay her down and rubbed her back for about a half hour, she then said she wanted to sleep so I came down stairs. Interesting this illness, I feel awful that she is sick, but the up side is I get to show her what a Mother does and is. It's a great opportunity to understand what the warm fuzzies are... She woke up once, I feed her some fruit, two mini roll up sandwiches, a cookie and a cup of hot water and then she went back to bed but not before I gave her something for her fever and her sore throat. For her to eat so very little when 4 helpings are standard, it means she really is sick. No school tomorrow. Hey that means i don't have to get up at 6:00 am! But I'm sure I'll probably be up a few times with my daughter.

Don't you just hate those sales calls that come in at the most inconvenient times? Well here I am driving along with my newer adopted daughter and my cell phone rings... Now that's unusual because very few people have my number, only family, and a couple of friends. So I thought there might be an emergency, I answered. "Heelo"...Hello?" I couldn't quite understand what was being said. "Hello?" Then I heard, I handed the phone to my daughter and said, "You take it, it's in Chinese..." She took the phone and spoke for at least 6 minutes and then hung up. I asked , "WHO was that?!" She was laughing and trying to find the right English words. It turns out I got a sales call from SHANGHAI !!! They wanted me to go the the museum there and see all the exhibits that had been donated by certain citizens? She wasn't quite sure how to explain it. Then the person asked who was she talking to, my daughter answered, so she asked to speak to me. My daughter said, "She doesn't speak Chinese." A gasp of disbelief came from her and she demanded, "How can you speak Chinese if your Mother cannot?" "I'm adopted," "But your Mother has to speak Chinese if you do." My daughter said again, "I am adopted." "Oh." She then asked..now do believe this? "If I call this number again, can I reach you?" How in Heaven's name did this person from Shanghai get my phone number? We are still shaking our heads over that one.

2010-07-19T23:56:00.000-04:00

Oh my, it has been 5 days since I last posted. Just when I have a bit of free time, it is always late in the evening and I need to go to bed. That is what has happened again tonight. We had a huge drill at the fire house with three other firehouses, police, CERT, Health officers & etc. We studied and then drilled what to do in a mass casualty. How to triage in 10 seconds, color code them and move to the next. Very interesting. That made me come home an hour late. And what do I find? One of my twins still awake. SO I cuddled with her a bit until she became sleepy. I fed the rabbits, wait until you see the new one..that makes four! And returned some important emails, and now it's midnight and I need to get up at 6:00 because my daughter is still in summer school. She came home a little different from her camp. I will share more tomorrow.

A new issue/attitude has come forth with my oldest daughter, again I'll fill you in tomorrow.

I must go to bed, I am fading.. Oh and I wrote an email to the reporter who was researching my daughter's parents and told him that my daughter was ready to have a DNA test if he could get one from the man who claims to be her Father,,,(and probably is.)

2010-07-14T22:39:00.003-04:00

As promised here is that camp photo.

This picture was after an almost 2 hour drive and in 90+ heat.

I called yesterday and they said she was doing fine. I told them to let her know I called and that I miss her. I explained she didn't know what a Mother was for and she needed to know that. I also wondered if she wasn't sure that we might not come back. She went off with no problem because it was just like China, being shifted here and there, you can't care because if you did you would be upset and disappointed all the time. I want her to know the the caring stays and doesn't go away.

I would like this summer to be a growing one for the girls. My deaf daughter has school and camp, my other four are singing in a concert friday, and on Jan 30th they are doing a Junior Park Ranger course where they will be accredited with patch and hat at this National Park when they finish. My oldest is too old to go, but it will be a fantastic experience for the others, and it's free! My oldest will go back to sewing classes.

I want to plan a few more adventures before the summer finishes.

Going back to Saturday, my children experienced a 'life' lesson. Our neighbor down the street is where we buy our organic eggs from. She is also a friend and in the fire department with me. Her family has owned the farm for 4 generations. I want my children to learn what being a good neighbor is and giving back. Her 31 year old niece, who I have met, was killed in a car accident. The memorial service was held on the farm under tents. My whole family of seven went there to help set up, serve and clean up the reception. I think over 200 people showed up. They saw so many people arriving with food, helping in every way they could, and people caring. I asked them what they thought about the day, and they said it was sad, and they were glad they could help when asked.

Compare - then and now...

2010-07-13T21:40:00.004-04:00

2010-07-13T01:18:00.002-04:00

Finally, I am here but as soon as I had hoped. The other day I spent about an hour and a half filling out an application for a job. I came back to it tonight to finish it and somehow hit a button that took me I don't know where, and now I can't get back to it or find it although I had saved it in the system of the hospital I was applying to. So for the last 2 hours I have been searching a way to try and find it, sigh, it is frustrating.

Oh WOW, I just retrieved it YAHOOOOO.

Enough about me, to the children and life. Let me see, what should I catch you up on.. Well, yesterday we all drove an hour and 45 minutes to drop my deaf daughter off at camp. We arrived, got out of the car and my daughter and I went on ahead to register. All around us as we walked were different license plates from different states. This camp isn't for just the kids that go to her school. It is for any deaf child in the US.
After we got her registered we walked to he cabin and helped her make her bed. She will share the cabin with 11 other girls. She just keeps grinning from ear to ear, she is so excited. I had told her all the cool things she'd be doing, like archery, over night camping, first aid, learning about nature and science, and of course swimming. I don't think she knew then how much fun she will have. She met one of her counselors who seemed very nice. The night before I spent hours over a three page letter to help the staff understand who my daughter is, where she comes from and her limited life experience. This was important to keep her safe and so she could have the best possibles experiences at camp. I was careful to remind them that she was a foreigner and did not read English and had limited American Signs. I also reviewed her issues and behavior patterns so that she would be better understood.

After we finished making up her bed the counselor told her to get into her bathing suit it was time to swim. We waited for her to change, then said our good byes (I have a picture that I'll post tomorrow) and she was off. We were concerned that perhaps this was too soon for her, but we thought how much Sign she would pick up, new friends that she would make, and be exposed to appropriate social behaviors. The camp is only a week long. I miss her and wonder how she is doing. I will try calling tomorrow to check in.

And no, my other children are not going. There was not enough scholarships available. But I was able to receive scholarships for the other 4 to sing together. There is a 2 week course, 5 days a week, one and a half hours chorus class. It is being taught by the chorus teacher of a high school who sets the bar very high. The ages are from 9-18, and there are 28 children in the class. Their last class they perform in a concert. Some of the music they're doing are Mozart's Alleluia, singing in Latin, another song singing in Zulu, and a variety of other songs, some will be a cappella and one sung in a round.

Having all four do it together is another way to further the bonding. My new adopted daughter loves it. She said the Latin and Zulu was easy, but the English was hard - go figure. I love it when they all practice at home, it brings tears to my eyes.

I did speak with the Deaf school regarding the curriculum for my daughter this Sept. They agreed to have me meet with the teachers to discuss the curriculum and for me to 'educate' them about my daughter. i.e. the usual, she's a foreigner, learns differently, etc. I plan to get right in there specifically request what she should be taught.

AND the school will be sending a teacher to our house for about two weeks to teach everyone Sign Language. They have a grant, so it will not cost us anything. I am excited.

My other daughter seems to be falling into a funk. I really need to find some friends/social activities for her. I had to first finish the schooling issues and camp things for my deaf daughter. Now I can focus on her. Patty, send Ellie!

The twins received a summer math packet at the end of school and one finished it that day, and the other soon after that. Within 2 weeks in June they finished the library reading challenge. They are now into the 5th, 7th and 8th grade reading lists and going strong. One twin took out 20 books from the library and will practically finish them by the due date. They read constantly, every where. Now I know this is a great problem to have but, I have seen them turning inward, and losing their social skills. They become so consumed by the book they're reading that that has become their reality. SO I have had to put a limit on their reading. They often will read up to 6-8 hours a day! I will be kidnapping them to take their minds elsewhere every few days. But I need a plan first.. Oh, more work to do.
There are a few more stories to share but this has gotten long enough. Tomorrow I'll share pictures and more...

TONIGHT!

2010-07-12T16:58:00.001-04:00

I will write this evening to catch up on the time off. I don't mean to disappoint by not writing each day. The past several days have just been a bit busy.

But I WILL share some good news right now. After all the emails, meetings and phone calls I have done on my daughter's behalf to have her given the appropriate lessons to learn English... I had a phone call today, from the lawyer assigned to me, that the US Government, Department of Education, is filing a case against my school system claiming that my daughter's Title VI Rights have been violated!!! And so the process begins....

I will write more tonight.

2010-07-05T22:41:00.002-04:00

She may drive me crazy, and frustrate the hell out of me but I will admit, she has a keen wit... Yesterday I introduced my deaf daughter and my other new daughter to a friend of mine. My deaf daughter immediately signed "I'm Chinese, she's not, she's American," pointing at my other daughter. I signed, "What?" She signed. "Yes I am Chinese she's just American."
How funny is that? Then tonight at the dinner table I handed dh change from the other night, she handed her hand out as if she deserved it. So dh gave her a high 5. She signed , "No. I should have it." Dh shook his head with a "I don't think so" look on his face. She then signed, "When you are old and frail, who's going to help you then? Not me?" I burst out laughing and everyone said, "What, what did she say."
So I translated and everyone went into hysterics, and the look dh gave my daughter was priceless!

To those that gave me leads to help my daughter develop abstract thinking, 'Mom to 8' and 'skyblue59', I am very grateful and I will follow up on them.

You know how things come in threes...no matter what it is? Well, I've had 2 out of the three today. My oldest daughter had a friend over, and she has the same birthday as I do, then someone wrote to look at this very special little girl that needs adopting and HER birthdate was the same. So I'm now waiting for number three, so I'll just put it out there. Anyone's birthday on July 24th?

Never mind, I just found the 3rd July 24th, although it wasn't a birthday, but it was the start of a special science/history camp. So, you see, things do come in threes.

2010-07-03T23:32:00.002-04:00

I am now waiting to hear from the US Dept. of Education if they think my daughter's Title 6 Rights have been violated. I wait with baited breath.

I have needed to write a note (sometimes long) every day of my daughter's summer school. They just don't seem to 'get it'. They forget that she is from China and she doesn't English, American Sign and is only on a 1st - 2nd grade level in everything. Yet they still continue to give her 5th grade work, which she doesn't understand. I have yet to hear from them... I had to ask them to give her homework. She doesn't have a work or responsibility ethic and it's very important that she works on these. Well, they sent home Place Value Words for math, in English and in numbers, she did not understand any of it. My dh and I decided to test her. We came up with the conclusion that she doesn't have any abstract thinking. She could add and subtract even numbers, single digits only, but she couldn't do odd numbers. This now makes sense when you add up all the other behaviors that she has shown. Anyone have suggestions on training or exercises to teach abstract thinking? This is a whole area I am not prepared for, I haven't done any any research in this area. I foresee at least 30+ hours I will need to do on the is subject to get her the appropriate training that she will need. Without abstract thinking her choices in life will be slim. I think we need some testing to be done once she knows more sign.

An example of the '3 year old in a 12 year old body'. A friend's neighbor gave her a Betta fish because they were moving and couldn't take it with them. She called me and asked if one of my girls would like it. I thought it would be a good start for my deaf daughter to learn responsibility and how to follow a routine. So we sat down, and I explained and demonstrated everything about feeding, cleaning, and what a Betta fish was. I had her write notes, in Chinese, but she wasn't able to put the thoughts down, like clean the tank once a week. She could not grasp taking what she hears and writing it in her own words. (Yet another area to look into). I explained the fish is very sensitive and over-feeding, or the wrong temperature of the water, or too much movement could make the fish sick and die. So after some time I had her repeat to me what I had explained. She did seem to understand. We carried the tank up to her room and found a place for it. Speed ahead 3 hours, she's getting ready for bed, I walk in and she is chasing the fish around the tank with the net! I sign, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" She signs. "I don't know." Again I ask, and she signs the same. This went on for about 3 minutes. I sign, "Yes you do, now tell me why you had the net in the fish tank?" Well, it turns out she was trying to catch it to play with it! I removed the tank from her room, I can't trust her. I explained that all the years she was in the orphanage she didn't learn about having responsibilities, right from wrong and many life lessons and she has a lot to learn. I said that I'm sorry I did not have patience with her, but it is sometimes hard for me to remember that she was a little girl inside but was a 12 years old on the outside. I told her I would try harder to be more patient, and asked her (for the 100th time) to remember to ask before doing anything so that she could learn to do things correctly. Big sigh...

2010-07-02T23:50:00.000-04:00

Our holiday

2010-07-02T22:25:00.035-04:00

The first encounter with sand and the ocean

Sheer Joy

Can't get enough of that ocean...

Even at night time they wanted to be there

But then again, too much of a good thing can wear you out.

And guess who is always left to pack everything up...?

2010-06-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry that I haven't got the pictures for you today, I had to drive 45 minutes to a specialist today, then home, then do drops and warm compress for my eye, then make dinner, do 2.5 hours of homework with my deaf daughter (Math is truly a foreign concept for her), serve dinner, holding time for one bunny, get 3 of the 5 to shower and wash hair, do 2 hours of homeschooling and research my diagnosis. So you see, I wasn't left with much time. I will try tomorrow. Here's what has happened to my eye.

The last 2 weeks when I have woken up I have not been able to open my left eye because of the severe pain, but usually and hour or two later it got better. But the last three days it has gotten much worse. it doesn't go away now. It is always worse after my eyes have been closed for a long time. I went to my ophthalmologist, and he didn't know what it was, so today I saw a specialist. I have been diagnosed with Epithelial basement membrane dystrophy (EBMD), map dot fingerprint dystrophy.

WHAT IT IS

ABMD is a disease or anatomical defect of the cornea which affects the ability

of the epithelium (outer "skin" of the cornea) to attach to the lower layers of

the cornea. Instead, it grows unevenly or detaches.

Some people with ABMD have no visible symptoms from ABMD. Others suffer

from moderate to severe dry eye symptoms and some experience RCEs.

Erosions can be very hard to control for those with ABMD and they often have

to use aggressive treatments to keep severe dry eye symptoms and pain

under control.Some patients with ABMD may need to pay special attention to

night eye protection to prevent erosions, or may benefit from protective

eyewear during the day as well.

I am back

2010-06-28T23:00:00.000-04:00

Starting with this evening at the the usual Monday firehouse training...90 degrees out and the drill is burning a car! Hot and miserable is all I can say.

The mini vacation was a huge success for the children, especially for the three older ones. I have several wonderful photos to share with you. It is late at the moment but I will summarize as best I can, because I understand that a few of you have been waiting for me to post again.

The older three girls had never seen a ocean before or felt sand between their toes. The first time we went to the beach was at dusk. As we trudged up the sand dunes from the parking lot, I told the girls to take their flip flops off. The moment my deaf daughter's feet hit the sand her face exploded in sheer joy and she let out a scream of delight and proceeded jump, dance and run in the sand. My other new daughter was so full of glee as she skipped down to the sea. And my oldest was the loudest of all three in her excitement. The twins followed them going crazy. Then the sea rushed up and caught their toes, and it was a full chorus of joyous screams of delight. The smiles and wonderment abounded. The three oldest acted as if they had just entered a magical world that they had never imagined. They couldn't get enough racing in and out of the surf (with their clothes on!). The euphoria was amazing to watch.

And we stayed there until the sun was almost completely down. They all went to bed that night with smiles on their faces. And for my deaf daughter, who's limited awareness of the world and it's makings was equivalent to believing that the earth was flat, has had this enlightening experiences that let her know that the earth was in fact round. Think of the possibilities.

A quick FYI

2010-06-21T23:17:00.000-04:00

I have been working on this for at least a week in my spare time, to get the wording correct. I finally just sent it. The complaint form was 4 pages, and I added a 12 page addendum of facts and dates to document that my child's Title VI Rights had been violated. It is filed with the Office of English Language Acquisition, US Department of Education. I can't complain much higher than that. Although, there is always Michelle... (Obama).

2010-06-20T23:13:00.003-04:00

The time seems to be flying by. Just as I complete one thing I remember 2 dozen that I haven't done.
I am trying to collect my thoughts, actions, to do lists and everything else in one place. I have done baby steps for the past several days. Slowing down is never easy, especially when you see how much needs doing...

There have been several concerts to go to that the girls have been in. I think I counted 4 or 5, then I have been continually subbing. The two overnight birthday parties for different daughter's on different days which means also figuring out presents. I've had night duty and didn't get home until 3:30 am and got up two and a half hours later to get the girls ready for school and make lunch for me because I was substituting that day. Imagine, taking Kindergartners to a zoo, and it was a hot day... Laundry seems to have increased lately, not sure why, perhaps there's someone else in the house I haven't counted. Then helping all the girls get or make gifts for Father's day. And those plants, I MUST remember to water them.

The brief updates for girls: the twins are becoming more 'mature' in the sense their id is coming out strongly. A little too strong if you ask me. My deaf daughter is doing much better in most categories. I do believe she is 'getting it'. My daughter that I'm homeschooling is soaring ahead, and my oldest has developed into a full fledged, pain-in-the-neck, combative, disrespectful teen. I nip it in the bud, but she doesn't have much self regulation so situations become immediately confrontational. This too shall pass, just in time for the next one to start...

Must make this short as we have been offered a practically free vacation for 4 nights 5 days, at our friend's B & B on an island. We need to bring our own food and towels and a few other things, but it should be grand. My newest daughters have never seen the ocean before. We leave Wed. and there is much to do. If I don't get a chance to post before we leave, I will post while there to share the adventure with pictures.
Until later.

What day is it?

2010-06-15T23:51:00.000-04:00

I have been quite indulgent and have just allowed myself to 'relax' and not feel so compelled that I must write every night for people counting on me.

I will now try to catch up on the days missed. Saturday was a whirlwind. The twins had a band concert about 40 minutes away at an amusement park. It wasn't supposed to rain until late afternoon, but no one told the clouds. Instead it rained in the morning and cleared in the afternoon!. We went early so the girls could ride on all the rides, and they did, several times on the same one. By the time the band was to play, all the rides, except two had been ridden on. As soon as the concert started the sun came out...of course. We couldn't waste the sunshine, so after the concert was over, they went on the two rides 3 times each that they had not been on before. I had decided early in the day that it was their day, and I wouldn't complain about the rain or my newly washed hair turning into a frizz ball, I would just say "Yes" to all they wanted to do. It was free after all. So we arrived home about 45 minutes later, to do a quick change and off to a Bar-B-Que with the whole family. All the girls had a great time. And it was a first for my two new daughters to make and have s'mores. Oh were they loving it! I do believe they had at least three each. It is a true American tradition.

Sunday, we all went to a local town street fair, another American tradition for them to participate in. There were all sorts of things for them to see and try like fresh squeezed lemonade. Squeezed right in front of them. An then there was the Dunk tank where people would throw a ball to a target and the person sitting on the platform above the tank drops into the cold water. Who knows what they thought of that, I can only imagine.

Monday my deaf daughter came home and told us about a boy that smiled and turned red looking at her. This was at the deaf school. So I asked, "Do you like the boy?" She turned all red and squealed and turned a way. I persisted and signed a few more likes, kissing, sweethearts, and at each sign her face got more funny looking as she became SO embarrassed to even consider the possibility. She was so cute and silly about the whole thing. She had us all in hysterics!

While Homeschooling my daughter today we were studying vocabulary and we came across a word, which I forget, that basically meant to re-invent oneself. We talked about changing styles of clothes, hairstyles and several other things. And she suddenly pops up with "I want". "Want what?" I asked. She wanted to take the huge risk of having her hair cut and styled, which is huge because she has never been in place that cuts hair nor wanted her bangs cut because her special Ayi at the orphanage did that for her just before she left. Now she wants to have her hair changed and made different. So we went today. I was a bit apprehensive of how she would react to actually having it done. When it was all finished , she was all smiles and feeling very pretty and special. Yeah wahoo!
And we ended the night playing Go Fish with all the girls except the oldest in SIgn Language.

2010-06-11T22:41:00.007-04:00

Well it hasn't gotten much better, but I know it will. Wednesday I went out on an EMT call. It was for a diabetic who's glucose had plummeted and was outside (night) combative, argumentative, and very confused. We had to chase the patient several times as they bolted and ran away. At one point they bolted towards the on coming ambulance and towards a main road. I took off trying to stop the patient, as I ran, for some reason I tripped and fell full blast onto the tarmac. It was such a violent fall that I heard the others behind me gasp. They ran up asking if I was alright and since I didn't feel anything broken I said that I was fine and kept going. We finally got the patient settled and revived. At that point the aches and pains and blood started showing up. The side of my right hand was shredded as was my knee. The left upper pocket where I keep my scissors and other things had been slammed into my thigh. That muscle was completely bruised. My right elbow had quite a lump, my left ankle slightly twisted, and my right intercostal muscles are pulled. The first night wasn't too bad as was the next day. Last night everything on the front of my body ached and or was stiff. My hip bones were bruised my shoulder bones were bruised, every part of me was in pain. The intercostals prevent me from coughing, laughing, reaching, opening jars, without experiencing pain. I could barely move today, and I had to substitute for Kindergartners today! I hope tomorrow is better...

I am filing a complaint with:

Equal Opportunity Specialist

Technical Assistance

US Department of Education

Office for Civil Rights

I believe, as do they that her rights may have been violated via the Title VI Act. Because...

The following procedures should be used by school districts to ensure that their programs are serving LEP students effectively. Districts should:

	· identify students who need assistance;
	· develop a program which, in the view of experts in the field, has a reasonable chance for success;
	· ensure that necessary staff, curricular materials, and facilities are in place and used properly;
	· develop appropriate evaluation standards, including program exit criteria, for measuring the progress of students; My school system did not do any of the above. I hope that I will finally be able to get her services because even with the massive amount of research I have done, I'm not sure I can adequately Homeschool her. I am still writing emails to the deaf school hoping to get my daughters program settled. They keep forgetting that she doesn't know English. I have to remind them that teaching her anything but English and Sign is useless. On that note, this weekend is busy but I will try to keep up with the news. And here is beautiful shot of my daughter when she went out on a shoot with her Father.

2010-06-08T21:03:00.000-04:00

Debbie, thank you for your comment, and yes, I will come.

Phyllis - how strange that you had that experience of that fall, I did too, on the same day!.. They were washing the floor in the mall, near a food court, and I too did an unwilling split. Instead of asking if I was alright, the woman who was mopping just smirked. So I said that it was dangerous and her signs should have been more prominent - smirk. OK I gave her a chance...I got Security on her and complained to her boss. So there! And please come this summer, I need you, and the girls need your girls!

Kelly & 'mom to 8', yes, housework definitely adds to the stress level. The sumer camp is good news but I'm still waiting for the official word of scholarships for everyone.

Nancy Lou, I did call today about my oldest daughter attending...I wait to her.

And Dina, thanx for the info on the coupons..

I know I complained and moaned last post, I'm sorry. Today wasn't much lighter. I did call the deaf school to find out how they plan to respond to my email. I spoke with the head, and she said that she plans to meet with the teachers to discuss my information and requests. I offered to drive there (one hour and 10 minutes) for the meeting, but she said that they should meet first, make a plan, then have a meeting with me. OK, I'll wait, but not too long.

It is rather nice to know that I have interested people checking in on me that I don't even know. It makes it so I don't fell I'm flying solo all the time. With so many of you all over the US, and a few abroad, I should have a reunion! Although no one would know each other, the common denominator would be me!

Everyone in the family is doing great. It is just me feeling a bit weary and over used. But that too shall pass and I will soon be roaring ahead.

2010-06-07T22:21:00.001-04:00

It was pointed out to me tonight that it wasn't fair that all the girls got to go to camp except my oldest. I did ask about including her but they said that she was too old. I will try again this week to see if she can be included anyhow, because she still is emotionally and socially behind so being with kids a couple years younger would be fine. I did write a very long email to my deaf daughter's teacher and the head of Admin. I had reviewed all the work they were giving her in school and homework they were sending home, and all of it was not appropriate for someone that didn't know English, barely knew American Sign Language, was on a 2nd grade math level and on a Kindergarten reading level. Yet they were giving her 5th grade work in science, health and social studies. I requested that she no longer take all of those courses until she was more proficient in in English, and to back her up to 2nd grade math. And if they kept her in 5th grade she would have to repeat, several times, and that would really hurt her self esteem. They received the email this morning, I have not heard from any of them... This does not please me. I will contact them tomorrow.

My twins came home having had a wonderful time camping, huge bug bites and all. Their Girl Scout leader (who just received a special award from the National Council for her 40+ years in G.S.) said my girls were the best, most well prepared campers and Girls Scouts that she had ever worked with. Yes I am bursting with Mama pride.

I am still overwhelmed with this Homeschooling thing. I have spent so many hours and have found way too much information that I am at a loss of where to start. I have to think about maintaining transcripts, PSATs, SATs and other tests. I don't know about all this... But I have to find a way to make it work for her.

I am subbing tomorrow and Wed., so I have to somehow make up lesson plans for those two days as well as attending to over due dentist appointments, doctor appointments, hearing aid appointments, a something else, oh yes, I am way over due on three very impt. doctor's appointments. And then there is the Certificate of Citizenship papers...

I think I am a bit tired, feeling like I'm not accomplishing everything I need to, not giving enough to the children, concerned about my sisters, not being able to visit my Mother often enough, and not remembering the last time I felt free enough to feel happy. And to make it complete, several times a day I feel like I am on fire from the inside out and I am excruciatingly burning up. That is incredibly inconvenient when I'm trying to get things done, stay in a good mood, stay focused on a phone call or deal with a child's problem. Getting old is the pits!

So on that cheery note, I say good night.

2010-06-04T21:16:00.001-04:00

I write this post on the way out the door. My dh actually asked me out on a date! I think I remember what that's like...not sure though. So we'll have a quiet drink and chat. He offered a movie also but Friday nights I'm sure are crowded and I didn't feel like dealing with that. Wow, real grown-up time with no interruptions.. It will take a bit getting used to.

Our twins are gone all weekend on a Girl Scout camp out. That was tortuous trying to pack everything AND putting it all in plastic bags because it's supposed to be a wet weekend. I labelled every baggy, put sets of clothes together complete with socks, raincoats boots, a medical kit with Arnica, anti itch spray, sun block, and lotion. Speaking of Arnica, one of my twins ran head first into one of her friends at school on Friday and got quite the shiner. So I went to school and sprayed her with Arnica, and when she got home, and before she went to bed, and this morning and the the golf ball lump has settled down with very little discoloration. Arnica really helped me when they were toddlers...

And if any of you have Asian children that react badly to mosquito bites or any insect bite, like a normal child would have a small bump where my children's turn into a huge red itchy mountain - have I got a homeopathic spray for you! It really works, and it's great fro poison ivy too. It's called Tecnu, here's the site address: http://www. teclabsinc.com/storefront. cfm remove the spaces. The product I bought is a spray called, Rash Relief.

Thank you for all your encouraging comments, I do so appreciate them, and they really make me feel 'wanted'. Please keep them coming.
I need to go now, my 'date' is waiting. Until next time.

I have been absent

2010-06-03T23:01:00.002-04:00

It has become more difficult to find time to write. I have been spent by late evening and going to bed opted out over catching up on my blog.

So briefly to catch you up so you don't think that I have deserted you... We have discovered that my deaf daughter can lip read, not English of course, but Chinese. At the dinner table the other night we were all being silly saying various fruits in Chinese and she knew exactly what we we were saying. That is great. Perhaps when English is more known to her, she will be able to a little lip reading with English.

My daughter that I'm homeschooling is becoming a bit bored, and who wouldn't be, with no social interactions with other kids. So I have gathered some names and numbers of kids she knew a little bit when she was in school, and I'll get them together a few times. I have also, finally, found the local homeschooling group. It is over a 100 strong and it's two towns.. I spoke with one of the founders and she said there are many high school kids in it. I am so excited to find this group and to be able to get a social life going for my daughter.

The citizenship problems are starting to resolve. And then I have to do the social security thing and the passport thing... I hate paperwork.

Ooh, I almost forgot. The deaf school also has a camp that's located on a lake and right after summer school my daughter will be going there and the twins and my daughter I'm homeschooling, all at no cost. This is so wonderful for all of them to be able to have some summer fun. Because we won't be doing anything this summer due to the financial situation.
Must run go now. I will meet with some of the people from the homeschooling group tomorrow to find out more information.
Need to get some beauty sleep, the stress is aging me quickly.

2010-05-30T17:18:00.008-04:00

As I sit here, feeling totally beaten up, I will once agin try to write. Starting from today and going backwards....it started out fine, then the vacuum cleaner totally ceased to work. It was no more. Taking on the task to research vacuum cleaners and their ratings was daunting as I was burnt, but it had to be done. Then I chose to clean the garage, which proved to be a failure. I was so annoyed that my dh had left it such a mess, empty water bottles, empty plastic bags, wire ties, everything you can imagine, I just started in with a vengeance. For a while I was getting things done. As I came to a quarter empty bird seed bag right next to the bin we use for seed, I decided to fill it up. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH...can you hear my scream of anger??????? There wasn't bird seed in there after all, it was dry cement, and when I poured it in, a huge cloud blew up into my face, my hair and my clothes! Man, I was REALLY not happy. (I know the imagery is pretty funny, and some day I will laugh at this-but not today). Needless to say, all the bird seed now has to be thrown out. I had just washed my hair, which is a big deal since I usually only have to wash it every four days. It is yet, one more thing I have to do.

Who in their right mind would put something different in a bag already marked as something else??!
Fine. I tried to dig some of it out with a dust pan but just managed to make more of a mess all over the floor and more cement dust all over me... I took the aluminum garbage can and moved it outside so the garbage man would dump the whole thing. What a waste of money! So that's a new vacuum cleaner and a 40 pound bag of seed we have to buy that was not planned for.

So I continued cleaning..bumped into a metal shelf where my dh had put beer bottles on a shelf, and one fell. Good news it didn't break, bad news it exploded. So there is beer all over the floor under the metal shelving unit and across the garage floor. I took a sheet, put it over it and walked out and sat down here. I GIVE UP.

Yesterday, we went to our local parade, then a BBQ at the firehouse. My second oldest has seemed quite down the last few days and yesterday's festivities did not change that. I've been worrying about that. Even when I ask her in a variety of ways, I do not get an answer. Energy was low for everyone that day.

Friday was my deaf daughter's b-day and I think she had a good first ever party. Of course I had to sub that day, and all the children, from K-3rd took huge amounts of energy to engage and control. Then I rushed home. I had my dh and 2nd oldest go out and pick up the birthday cake and balloons. I wanted my deaf daughter to come home from school to lots of balloons and ribbons hanging. And all the presents laid out. I had a friend of hers come over, and we had pizza and her birthday cake.
Remember how I told you she was always signing a cake and blowing out the candles? She had never done this before, but she was always so excited when it happened for her sister and now it was to happen for her. When the time came, she couldn't do it, she was too scared. We kept encouraging her, but she would not do it. Finally I told her I would do it with her, she said O.K. 1-2-3 blow....I didn't, but she did. What a smile of success she had on her face.

After the cake was finished they all went outside and rode bikes, walked etc., came back in and opened presents. Her smile could not have been bigger, and her eyes could not have been more filled with astonishment as she opened each gift. They then watched the movie "Mr. Bean". Which is the perfect movie for someone that doesn't hear. That took it to 10:00. My daughter's head hit the pillow and she went to sleep with a smile on her face. It was her very first birthday party.

Thursday was zoo day. Me, the twins, my deaf daughter arrived at the zoo at 10:00 and met up with her friend from deaf school and his Mom. For six hours we roamed around the zoo, and still didn't see everything. Halfway through the day, she stopped me and signed, "I love the zoo." Wow, I thought, this is so perfect. She was very joyful throughout the day. The day even amazed me. The animals actually put on shows for us. Instead of standing still, like giraffes always do, they ran, kicked their legs up and played. It was so wonderful to watch. Then those huge Bison that stand ever so still, weren't so still that day. The largest male was actually dancing around. I couldn't figure out how this creature weighing as much as a VW bus, could dance so lightly on its feet! Then he would run around and around in large circles, and throw himself down in the dirt pile, wallow around, snort a few times, then jump up, he did this for at least 20 minutes. And there were displays from other animals as well. We saw a lot of babies too. We saw a really lovely interaction between a mother and her lion cub. As we parted in the parking lot and said good-bye to her friend, he gave her a birthday gift. She just stood there and didn't reach out. A minute went by, I told her to take it, she just looked and stood there. I told her again to take it, I then realized she probably had never been given a gift before and didn't understand what to do. So I took it and put it into her hands. She just stared at it. I explained it was a birthday gift. She had a blank face and then her face broke into this smile of joy and understanding as if to say, "It's for me, it's really something for me." All in all it was a perfect day.

We hit a lot of traffic going home, but we finally got there. I ran in, changed into my EMT gear, and drove quickly to where we were staging the mass disaster drill. I barely got there in time. They had real moulage (blood, bones etc) and smoke machine filling the area. After 2 hours we finished. Our firehouse went and had dinner and I finally came home and collapsed, to wake up the next morning at 5:50 am.

I think that I have mostly caught you up. I have one picture now to share, more will follow later.

I have a nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough. I should be planning more family type things, and creating more stimulating activities to do for everyone. But I often have so much to do at the computer, homeschooling research and lesson plans, USCIS issue, letters to the Superintendent of School, planning play dates for everyone, and so much else, I feel I am dropping the ball in oh so many ways. It is frustrating and has kept me up at night thinking about all that I haven't accomplished. I hope to do better this week. I do have a pile of papers that need immediate attention, and just thinking about approaching them shuts me down and makes me immobile. I would like to complete that pile by the end of Tuesday.

2010-05-26T22:40:00.001-04:00

I know I said that I would return today but yet again I have been swept away with commitments. As an example, I got four children off to school by 8:00am, I drove to the next town, (about 20 min) to substitute teach. I finished work, came home picked up my twins and 2nd daughter recently adopted and drove two towns over (20 min) to search for a birthday present for my deaf daughter. No luck. Drove to another town, again 2 towns in the other direction (20 min), and went to two stores with only a modicum of luck. Drove home, (15 min), dropped everyone off and picked up my deaf daughter and drove back to the first town I went to search for b-day presents. I needed her to pick out design and flavors for her birthday ice cream cake. That took about a half hour. Then all the way home again. A very quick dinner and I sent my oldest, 2nd adopted child and dh off to a concert my oldest was in. I immediately sat down and did grueling math homework with one twin, then gave different spelling tests to each, had them pack snacks for tomorrow, take a shower and wash their hair. I then went over my deaf daughter's homework which is never easy. That took about 45 minutes. Then I had her pack her snacks. By them everyone was home from the concert, and I check the homework that I had assigned to my home schooled daughter. I then sat through while one twin practiced on her flute for her concert. Sent everyone to bed. Did a quick research on driving directions to the zoo (about an hour 15 min), and got about 3 different maps and directions, printed it all out, emailed the Mom who is bring her son, who is deaf and from China to tell her where to meet. Now I am taking a shower and getting up early tomorrow to get my troops on the road to a hopefully wonderful day.

I won't be back tomorrow as directly after I return, I need to get into my EMT gear and go to a mass casualty drill complete with blood, bones, smoke machine going etc. I have no idea when I will be back. But, since I need to substitute on Friday, I will be up at 5:50 on Friday morning...

I would like to think that sometime Friday evening I can catch you up on all the goings on...

2010-05-25T22:36:00.000-04:00

I am still here. I'm sorry if you have been checking in and there haven't been any new posts. It has been a bit daunting these past few days. I have also been subbing this week Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. On Thursday I'll be spending the day at the zoo with my deaf daughter and her friend. SO time is of the premium and I got a call regarding their Certificate of Citizenship, and that is still a mess. A lot ot deal with and balance. And my deaf daughter has presented all sorts of challenges.

I should be back tomorrow .

2010-05-21T08:02:00.002-04:00

Yup, it's Friday and I haven't posted in a few days. Right now I'm off to substitute teach, so this is just the prelude to a longer post upon my return.

My husband summed my deaf daughter's behavior up last night, he said, "She's just sees living with us as living in another orphanage with other kids." Well, yes, I guess that says it all.

More, later today.

I'm noticing a different 'air' about my deaf daughter lately. A little more centered, less silly, a slight bit of focus. I do hope this lasts and it's not just a passing fancy. Her American Sign is improving so communication is getting better.

Cara shared with me some thoughts on setting her in the right direction. It took a while before I could think of something, but I finally got it. She lost the privilege of the computer for three days. I explained it, I had her explain it back, and she understood that she didn't follow rules and therefore lost the computer privilege. Yeah, that lasted one day. My dh came and said, she was on the computer, he told her to get off, and few minutes later she was back on again! I was ready to explode, I had it up to the hilt at this point! I brought her into the room and let her have it in Sign. My fingers really fly when I'm mad! I said, "You don't break rules, why did you go on the computer when you were not allowed to for 3 days?" No answer. I said, "Tell me!" Again only a slight hand movement. I said, "Did you go on the computer, yes or no?" A small "Yes". "Why?" I asked. She said she wanted to watch a TV program on it. "Why," I asked yet again, "you know you don't use the computer for three day because you broke the rules, right?" "Right", she signed slowly. "You don't break rules, it's not OK to do that. If you do not break any rules for 5 days, then you will earn one hour of computer time. That is 5 days of not breaking one rule, only then you will receive an hour of computer time." And I went over exactly what days those were, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues., and have 1 hour of computer time on Wed if she obeyed all the rules. (Thank goodness I had taught her the days of the week before.) I saw something 'click' when the conversation finished. Today she was more somber, none of the 'cutesy' stuff she usually displays. She did try to go on the computer - again - today, and her sister said "NO!" She came to me complaining that her sister told her no when she went on the computer. I looked in total shock at her and signed, "That is because you broke the rules and you have no computer for 5 days." She had this look on her face that sort of said, 'this isn't going away'. She turned around and walked out of the room.

My daughter that I'm homeschooling just loves it more each day. Today we did composition writing, the map of the USA, geology, the Incas and Mayas, the CA gold Rush, and a few other things. Ya know, I'm making this up as I go along because I haven't a clue how to do this homeschool thing.

My eldest daughter walked past me an hour past her bedtime. I looked at her and said, "Why are you not in bed?" She replied, "I needed to finish downloading some albums." "And you think THAT is a good reason for not going to bed on time?" No answer. "Excuse me, I asked, you think that is a valid reason for not going to bed on time?" She said "Yes". And I said, "Oh well then, that good reason of yours makes you lose your iPOD to me". She hands me her iPOD and goes upstairs.

Can't wait for tomorrow....

2010-05-18T22:49:00.001-04:00

Hi... the struggle continues with my daughter. She totally dodges doing homework, or any type of school work. At bed time, which she also avoids, once the lights are off, she continues to play. I know now that I will need to personally monitor from the time she comes home from school to check all her work from the day, run her through her homework, test her on her signs and spelling and make sure she doesn't do anything, or touch anything without asking. She has yet to understand that concept.

My other daughter is loving what I am teaching her in Homeschooling. We work on vocabulary, spelling, sentence structure, grammar, creative writing, interpreting and breaking down a story, conversation, idioms, American culture, and more. We also do field trips. Tomorrow she will go on a very long and interesting field trip with her Father. They're going to shoot a promo for a documentary. She will learn about video production, dealing with people and their different accents, seeing a different part of America, organizing, and so much more. It will be an exciting day for her.

My twins are astounding me daily. On their Spring break, the decided to write a newspaper. They each did their own, one had 8 pages and the had 10 pages. They both had articles, breaking news, classifieds, pictures, complete with drop shadows, clip art, page numbers. And this past weekend they both decided to create power point presentations. One did it on snakes and the other on Lions. ANd they're only 9 years old.
Here is one of the slides she created.

I'll try to also get a page of one of their newspapers as well.

I must sign off now, I think I'm developing a bit of a cold and I need to substitute teach tomorrow, as well as other things..

2010-05-16T22:03:00.000-04:00

I have needed to use my brain and emotions so much in the past month and a half, that I have found that I am immobilized. I can't seem to face the littlest of tasks without becoming overwhelmed. I drift without accomplishing anything. That is one of the reasons I haven't written in a few days.

My deaf daughter is really testing the boundaries. And keeping up with her toddler behavior before she breaks something or puts herself in danger is very tiring. Yesterday she got out of the wrong side of the car, after it was parked, directly into the line of traffic.

I had bought another shampoo for her to try, and I showed her what it was and to use it... Remember before I had to number the shampoo #1, and the creme rinse #2 so she would use them in the correct order? Tonight I had the whole family go out for a walk after dinner. When we got back she said she was hot a sweaty and proceeded to smell under arms a few times and make faces. I told her she was taking a shower tonight, and she said no. I said yes, shower now. She still balked and made faces of being deeply put upon. I said shower now, go! Every time I tell her to take a shower we go through this which can be very exasperating. On Friday morning she was taking a huge amount of time to get downstairs to go to school. She was running late. I go upstairs to see what the heck she's doing, and I enter the bathroom and she's washing her arms! What!? What are you doing? She replied they were dirty. I said that is why I tell you to take showers!! ARRGH!

Back to the story anyway, as she was in the shower tonight I go in and check on her and she signs, #1, #2, #3. No, that is the new shampoo not #3. You are supposed to use this as #1 instead of the other #1. But I found out she has been doing- shampoo-creme rinse-shampooing. I have also found yet another shirt that she has ruined because she tore out the label which left two large hole in it.

I was helping her with her homework and she was learning about American coins and adding. There were pictures of the front and back of all the coins. She could label one picture of each coin the correct amount that it represented. But she could not comprehend that the other pictures were the reverse side of the same coins. She does not have any deductive reasoning skills. We have such a long way to go with her.

On a brighter note, she will be having her very first birthday celebration soon. I will be taking her to a wonderful zoo with her friend who is Chinese and also deaf. It will be a great day. She also keeps signing a cake and blowing out candles, she is besides herself with excitement to have her first birthday cake. On the actual day, I'm a little hard put who to have at a party for her, but I will have balloons and the cake and presents. She is still a little girl and this will be a dream come true for her.

Tonight, just before bed, she signed something to me, and she needed to do it several times, because I couldn't quite get the concept. Finally I understood, I think. It went something like...when I'm 14 will I fly to China, and who will sleep in my bed, her older sister? It took a long time to explain that she can live here for as long as she chooses, and this will always be her bed. You and your two older sisters are different people and each of you will make different choices. When you are all grown up if you want to move to a different place you can, but you can also choose to stay. You can even be living here when you are 30. (She looked SO surprised at that!) When she finally understood, she got a look on her face that said.."Hmmm, imagine that."

Then after I remade her bed, she had the sheet upside, and no pillow case, she lay down and grabbed two teddy bears, one in each arm. She signed this one is the Papa, and this one is the Mama, and she squeezed them tight with a huge smile on her face and let out a squeal of delight.

2010-05-13T22:16:00.000-04:00

I survived substituting all day for 3rd graders. My deaf daughter enjoyed her first field trip with the school. She also received a cute note from a deaf classmate and attached with stickers and other cute things. I translated the note for her. I offered to write a note back for her explaining that she didn't know English yet but she was very happy with the gifts and receiving the gifts. She was thrilled that I would do that. She also asked that I get a picture of her to give to her friend. How cute is that?

My other daughter is loving the homeschooling that I am doing for her. She let me know that what I am teaching her is exactly what she wanted. Although it seems to be a huge responsibility and I feel guilty if I can't always do as much as I think that I should be doing. But my friend Patty told me tonight that there was an easier way of going about dong it without so much guilt. That was nice to hear. So now I will try rearrange my mind and plans to be more efficient.

Now if I could just find a spare moment to gather my wits to write a letter (a scathing letter) in reply to the Assistant Superintendent, and deal with the immigration documents, find a job, sign up for night duty, do more holding time with the rabbits, clean the house before I go crazy, bills, get the car fixed, return way overdue emails and letters, and much more.... Hmmm, I think I've just overwhelmed myself again, so I better go to bed and sleep on it.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2010-05-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

That is just my way of saying sorry that I haven't written for a few days. I can't tonight either. I am completely slammed with children issues and school issues that I can't think straight. My deaf daughter put laundry in the dryer tonight and shrunk two sweaters, and this is after I have held numerous conversions with her saying you are not allowed to touch or do anything in the house without asking. She's being disagreeable because she doesn't want to do the work at school, or her homework. I've spent hours researching for appropriate material to homeschool my daughter, and find time to actually teach her each day.

The deaf school, was not up to speed about Internationally adopted kids, so I had to compose a two page letter to her teachers about her behavior and lack of living skills. Which took so long to do I missed my Monday night fire house training, and there's so much more on my plate that I haven't had a chance to get to. And I have subbed three out of four days this week and I had to go to a funeral, and...

Never mind I'll catch up tomorrow.

No electricity

2010-05-09T22:02:00.002-04:00

That is my excuse for not writing last night. We had high winds and we lost power for 8 hours. I put everyone to bed early. I was up most the night because I couldn't sleep, I kept waiting for the electricity to go back on. So I'm tired.

Tomorrow will be my deaf daughter's first day of school, she is very excited, as am I. And also tomorrow I will get into the routine for homeschooling my other daughter. And I will start the 2nd battle with the school system about teaching English to my daughter. I received a letter from them on Friday, and even with my 3 page letter, and notebook full of published studies of how International adopted children learn differently - they still don't GET it! The letter, from the Assistant Superintendent basically said that she'll learn English if she was in a social situation at school. What? Quote: "I am concerned that this (homeschooling) would prevent her from social and academic settings that would allow opportunities to demonstrate and practice English by being immersed in the school environment."

She must have blown off all the research that I gave them because it specifically says that Internationally adopted children do not learn like immigrant children do, and it gives the reasons. Did she not read also when I explained my daughter's shyness and feeling inadequate because she doesn't understand the students when they speak to her and she doesn't have the words to speak to them? And presently she cannot take any other course because she doesn't understand what is being said. She has gotten more social interaction with us and going to friend's houses and outings than she ever had in school.

I am very angry at the total disregard of my daughter's needs. They are instead giving the 'party line' and not thinking outside of the box. Well, look out, I am officially on the war path now, both barrels are loaded. I will respond tomorrow to this letter and attach even more evidence to back my words and I intend to call the Office of English Language Acquisition which is part of the U.S. Department of Education in Washington, D.C. tomorrow and see if they have any advice for me. That will be among just a few calls that I will be making.

I am on night duty tonight so I am going to sleep early tonight to try and catch up from last night. Hope all Mothers out there had a wonderful and special day.

Yabba Dabba Dooo!

2010-05-07T22:49:00.003-04:00

If you are not from the 60's era you won't understand the above. It represents another way of saying Yahoooo!
Today I officially got for my daughter, bussing and tuition to the deaf school until she is 21!!! AND I explained that I thought summer school was necessary at this point for her to retain what she learns in the next two months! Well, I got it also. One down, three to go with the school system.

That was the good news for the day. As I pull into the driveway after an hour drive home from the school, the first thing I hear is what my deaf daughter has done - AGAIN! She had taken one of the twin's jump ropes that had a jump counter at the end and cut it off because she thought the rope was too short and tied it to another rope.
She has done this sort of 'damage' to multiple things in the home because that is how she wanted it, or what she wanted to with it. She has no perception about not touching something that does not belong to her. Nor does she have the self control to stop and think before she acts. She obviously did not have any regulation at the orphanage. She also feels rules are not for her because she is deaf, that is what she told me tonight. I cleared up that misconception pretty darn quickly. I explained that ALL the children have to obey the rules and it didn't matter if she was deaf, the rules are the same. All the children in the family have the same rules. And that, is that. I also said, we are a family and you are in this family forever. Even when I am angry with you the love stays and does not go away.

Since it had been such a bad for my deaf daughter with me landing all over her for the jump rope, I decided to allow her to go to bed a half hour later than her bed time. Well 15 minutes past the time she was supposed to be in bed, she came down stairs and said, "Sorry, I forgot," Now mind you, it was just 45 minutes ago that I gave her that extra half hour. I was so NOT happy. I turned on Bable FIsh and basically said that I was disappointed that she did not take the responsibility to go to bed on time, I had given her a special privilege etc., and saying that she is sorry and she forget is not acceptable, and a lot more, which I don't want to regurgitate. I didn't use all those big words with her, I did keep it simple, I just short cut the story by using them.
These 'events' completely sap my energy, and each time the next one happens, it is that much more draining, because it's that, "Here we go again feeling". I understand where all this comes from and why. I just hope for a small break through sooner than later.

On that note, I will get to bed before midnight.

2010-05-06T22:00:00.000-04:00

Again, I'm afraid I will not have the time to go into details, if it hadn't happened -again- tonight, I would have had the time to share. Tomorrow is my PPT to get my daughter into the deaf school, and it's over an hour drive. It is already late and there is so much to do. Handling the situation tonight has put my schedule behind by 2 hours. I have so much paper work to finish preparing for tomorrow morning's meeting.

Suffice it to say the communication gap between my deaf daughter and the world has continually had her breaking rules, gluing things that shouldn't be glued, tearing pages out of books- again, breaking things, wiping glue on her clothes, stepping in and doing things without asking and there by creating a mess or irrevocable damage, the list goes on. The amount of time it takes to explain that you don't break rules, you ask before doing something, don't just do something because you feel like it, etc, ends up being one and half to two hours each time using Bable Fish or my daughter trying to understand her Chinese writing. It is so exhausting. In the past three days there have been at least 5 of these scenes. So forgive me as I bail out and do my paperwork for tomorrow. I don't feel like re-living my frustration, anger and sheer exhaustion tonight.

2010-05-04T22:42:00.000-04:00

A short one tonight, I have to substitute teach tomorrow. I just found out.

It has been a very tiring day. My deaf daughter is really testing me and the limits. I'll explain tomorrow. I am tired...

2010-05-02T21:34:00.000-04:00

Since money is tight we tend to wait until there is absolutely nothing left in the house before we go shopping. Well since there was nothing left, literally, I took the twins shopping to two stores to buy much needed supplies and food. We left at 11:15 and got home at 3:00. That in it's self should tell you what the day was like bargain hunting. Now it has become that much more difficult because our whole water system needed to be replaced to the total of $2,450. I'm not sure where else to cut back, but necessity demands I find a few places to do so.

I'm hoping to apply for a job teaching summer school, but I'm not sure if the application deadline has happened. I will submit it anyway.

The things we take for granted. I thought that I would check on my deaf daughter and go over with her how she was washing her hair...good thing I did, she was using conditioner first and shampoo second, AND using a wash cloth to wash her hair with! Now where in the heck did she get the idea to do that? I also caught her about to cut her bangs because they annoyed her. I asked her if she wants to grow them or cut them a bit. She didn't realize that she had a choice. She was thrilled when I said she could grow them out.
Can't wait to discover what else she has translated into her way of doing things.

2010-05-01T23:24:00.003-04:00

Remember in the last post when I said a was a bit tired? I've not been listening to my body's signals this past week. I just continued to do what I needed to do and just focused on going forward. I should have realized that I was becoming fatigued when I would forget what I was saying or couldn't quite find the word I wanted to use.

On Thursday I was going 'strong'. I went out on three calls. The first one was that a tree had fallen down and pulled wires down with it which then started a fire. I am certified Fire Police so I had to re-direct traffic explain why they couldn't go down the street they wanted to, and give alternative directions. I did that for about an hour or so. I then went home to have some lunch, about 3:00. Just as I was finishing homework with the girls, and doing paperwork...a call went out for exactly the same situation as before, but this time, on a different road, and rush hour had just started. So here I am again as Fire Police. This time I had many more cars, coming form two directions at once, and making sure the emergency vehicles were getting through as well. That was for over two hours into dusk.

Here I am just returning from my first Fire Police call.

And as the sun starts setting as I direct traffic, I hear a call for EMS personnel. They knew at the command center that I needed to go, so someone came to release me. I go flying down to the firehouse, heavy fire boots and pants and all. By then I was quite hot in them. Open the garage door to the ambulance, try quickly-there really is no such thing-to pull down the fire pants onto the boots to leave them in a 'go' position. Throw my shoes on and climb into the cab and off we go. I didn't get home until about 8:00 that night....

Friday I had to substitute teach all day. I got home at 4:00, returned phone calls, checked emails, and about 5:00 I decided to go upstairs for a half hour nap before dinner.

Well, I guess my body decided to take over because I wasn't doing such a good job listening to the hints for slowing down. I lay down at 5:00 pm and woke up 16 hours later at 9:00 am. the next day.
Guess I should be a better listener next time.

2010-04-28T17:50:00.002-04:00

I have been a little too tired to post recently. The past couple of days I needed to have coffee around
5:00 p.m. just to stay awake. But I have accomplished withdrawing my daughter from school. Researching to all hours of the night for lesson plans and information for teaching ESL (English). This is my 3rd day homeschooling. I cover vocabulary, grammar, spelling and sentence structure. Today I asked her if this is what she wanted to learn that she wasn't getting in Middle School. She replied "Yes." And so far she has really enjoyed all the lesson plans I have thrown together. I even make her laugh a lot. I believe that someone can learn a lot faster and better with humor.

I have also started teaching my deaf daughter. We cover new signs every day, and now I test her on spelling, which in turn will help her to learn English and read. I sign a sign, and she has to spell it. She has balked at studying longer than 10 minutes at a time. I think this tells me that no one ever forced her to work, or take responsibility for anything because she has shown this pattern in other instances. She now knows I am s-e-r-i-o-u-s, and when I give her an assignment, she knows doing her cutesy stuff will not get her out of it. Sigh, such a long way to go...

I made several strong phone calls yesterday demanding a PPT for my deaf daughter, and I got one for next Friday. Yeah! This is THE meeting that will let me know if they are going to fight me about busing her and paying tuition to the school, or they might insist that they can provide all the services for her. If they go that way, it will end up being a huge battle with possible litigation. I do not want that, it would be so draining.

In the midst of this and the 16th b-day party, my twins had also gone to a sleep over b-day party. Well, one of the twins lost a tooth at that party. That was on Sunday, I forgot about it, I'm a bad Mommy. And I forgot about it Monday night as well, bad Mommy - again. Tuesday morning as I woke her for school, she reached under pillow and opened a box, and said, "Oh, she didn't come again." Gulp, darn! I said quietly, "I heard a crash last night." But that was all I said. The back story to this is, for all their losing teeth life, I have had the Tooth Fairy write notes in green calligraphy on special paper that has leaves, flowers and grasses pressed into it. So as I was running around preparing breakfasts, lunches, and feeding rabbits, I tried to sneak into my room, dig out the paper, run downstairs, and quickly type up a note, print in before the girls come down, and of course the printer took forever. I grabbed it and ran into the mud room and put it in her back pack. Then, "Oh no", I thought, I need a quarter. I looked in my purse, no quarters. I looked upstairs on dh's desk, nothing. He always has has tons of change lying around. I run down the hall, meanwhile the girls are heading downstairs. I run down the hall, wake up dh and ask frantically, "Where are your quarters?" He mumbled, I ran back down the hall through my deaf daughter's room, who was asleep. I grabbed a quarter and ran down into the kitchen, the girls are there. "OK now what?" I thought. As they were busy with morning things, I nonchalantly dropped the quarter on the couch, in between the the arm and cushion.

As she walked into the room I started adjusting the lamp shade on the lamp next to the couch, and asked, "Were you playing with this lamp, the shade is all crocked." "It wasn't me." she replied.
"O.K., so", I asked, "what backpack are you taking today?" "The big blue one." she replied. "Well, you better pack it up now before you eat because we're running a bit late." She goes out, and I hear her yell. "She left me a note, look, she left me a note!" ("YES!", I thought.) "What? Who left what?" I asked. She goes into an explanation about the note, which read:

Ow! My dear (her name),

I am sorry to have missed you yesterday. You see, I had a flying accident last week and my wings still hurt. I knew you would be disappointed, so I tried to get to you last night.

I hope I did not wake you. I am still not flying straight and I crashed into a lamp and dropped your quarter. My fairy friend needed to help me fly home. If you can’t find the quarter that I dropped, I will have my friend bring it tonight.

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

"That must have been the crash you heard last night!", she said to me. "Probably, I said, "I just thought it was one of the rabbits."

"Let's look for the quarter!" She started looking around trying to figure out which direction she was flying in to hit which side of the shade. I didn't want to say maybe you should look on the couch, luckily the other twin said just that! And she found the quarter!

All that before my first cup of coffee, and it happened between 6:00 am and 6:20 am! If I have to keep thinking this fast on my feet until they all grow up, I'll never get dementia. Talk about having my very own brain gym.

2010-04-26T22:33:00.001-04:00

Kelly, I took your advise and sent the letter to the Chair of the Board of Education. Thank you.
I just overheard my 9 year old twin say,"I want a limousine, and a driver, and a 24 hour chef". Now where the heck did she get that from?! There is no way she experienced having that nor saw it on TV because TV is only one day a week, and I monitor what it is. She's definitely better choose a career that could afford things like that.

I survived the 16th birthday party. The girls arrived and I took them for a manicure and pedicure. I arranged a special price with the owner before hand, and the birthday girl was free. I only paid for 3 girls.
I bought on line 'Margarita' glasses that have two light up functions all the way up the stem. You can choose one color out of 4 or press again and it all changes from color to color. Then I got straws that light up in colors. And the cool thing was, when you sipped from the straw the color moved up and down. And of course there were the glowing bracelets that were in unusual colors, and the earrings that lit up in different colors, and the bracelets. All this in a darkened room with a strobe light going and Japanese rock music blaring (don't ask...).

All the glow and light things that I bought were incredibly inexpensive. I also borrowed one of those Dance games. You know the ones that show up on the TV and you have to step in the direction of the arrows? A good time was had by all, with very little financial out put from us. Dinner was a BBQ, and snacks after were made by me or bought at Trader Joes. I also made a huge amount of punch with floating lemons & oranges with sparkling apple juice, frozen lemonade, and bubbly water. The girls wiped out at least 3-4 gallons of punch. They watched "Hair Spray" until 1:00 am and then they all went to sleep. They slept until 9:30. We gave them home made crepes for b-fast and cut up fresh fruit. They were originally supposed leave about 10:00, but they got up so late I called the parents and said their girls would call them when they were ready to be picked up. Ahem, they all left around 1:30. in the afternoon.

Today was the first day of home schooling. In an hour and a half she learned more than the 3 weeks at she had at school . I also worked with my deaf daughter. I taught her 119 signs in American Sign Language. I also had her start to learn to spell the words, and learn English.

Not the best timing, although it never is, we had to replace our water tank at $675. We have another problem which is either a $1200 bill or a valve which is $50. We'll find out tomorrow.

2010-04-23T23:13:00.006-04:00

It's official. I delivered the necessary letter to the Superintendent of schools to day to officially withdraw my daughter until they put in place the appropriate program for her. With "The Letter" I also included a three page letter and a notebook with 9 dividers in it. Each divider contains information on:
* Internationally adopted children are not bilingual
·     Internationally adopted children learn English in a different way
·     Adoption and school issues
·     Modes of learning that are effective for an Internationally adopted child
·     Communicative language and cognitive language
And so much more. I have asked them to read and learn about Th International adopted child before the attempt to teach my daughter again. They think they know everything about children, yet this is a whole new area that many educators and medical personnel know nothing about.
I normally wouldn't do this, but I will reprint my letter here in case some adoptive parent is going through the same fight I have been going through. This type of challenge is always emotionally draining and can really flatten you. So perhaps my letter can give another parent some ideas and support on how to fight the school systems. I will eliminate names.

I have withdrawn my child, her name from Middle School, until such time a satisfactory program can be established to teach her English vocabulary, grammar and sentence structure. Attached are documents explaining the difference in learning a language for an Immigrant child and an adopted child. Please read.

The teaching style and material chosen for my daughter is not appropriate for an adopted child. My daughter is instructed to read a book every day and write down the words she does not know. I have looked at some of the vocabulary words that she has written down: proclamation, Musketeers, construction paper, raccoon, auditorium. These are not words that you start with when you are teaching English. The course should start with the basics, like in 1^st grade through to 5^th grade. Would you start a 1^st grader with these words?

Mrs. xxxxxx of the Bureau of Accountability & Improvement and ELL & Bilingual Consultant at the State Department of Education, spoke with the Director of Special Services. She shared with him her thoughts on what would be appropriate training for a teacher teaching English as a second language, English Language Acquisition, and the materials that should accompany those teachings, again English Language Acquisition materials. I have also spoken and/or sent emails to The Teacher, Guidance Counselor, the Principal, Director of Special Services, the Assitant Superintendent and the Superintendent of schools regarding this matter. I am a bit baffled by the lack of response.

At the very least that could be done immediately until something more structured could be set up would be to take the spelling lists from the first grade thru to the fifth grade and start with those.

My decision to withdraw my daughter was a difficult one. Every day she came home from school feeling confused and sad. Two of my older daughter's friends asked her what was wrong with her sister. Wednesday night she burst into tears and we sat down. She had not shared with me previously because in the Chinese culture you are not to question adults nor complain. A child’s opinion is not valued.

Her English is minimal so it took over an hour to fully comprehend what she was trying to explain. She basically said the following; ......

‘I go to TAP and I read a book I don’t understand and write down words I don’t know. It is frustrating looking the words up in the Chinese dictionary. I don’t know what I am supposed to be learning. I go to History and wait for the bell to ring because I can’t understand, and in Math I don’t know what is being said. The math that is being done I learned two years ago’.

This is a child that had her Mother die, six months later her Father was killed in a coal mining accident. She lived with her Grandmother for several years until she became too ill to keep her. When the orphanage people came to take her, she didn’t understand why she was being taken away from her Grandmother. She has suffered loss three times in her young life, which at those ages is internalized as abandonment. Coupled with learned orphanage behaviors, this presents a child that the system needs to adapt to, instead of the child adapting to the system. Please see attached articles.

My daughter is frustrated with not learning English and not being able to participate in her classes. I’m afraid the ‘immersion’ method of learning English is not how to educate an adopted child. A side note. I have heard stated that my older daughter is a success story with the present teaching method. I would like to finally dispel that myth with the following reasons.

1. My daughter was tutored for 4 months, 2-3 times a week by a Chinese woman licensed in teaching ESL. That I paid for.

2. For several months she had a Chinese interpreter in class with her.

3. She went to Summer School and was tutored in English.

4. I worked with her at home.

All this happened BEFORE she went to Middle School. By then she already had been here a year and had a strong foundation in the English Language.

My daughter started school being in the country only a few weeks, so comparing her with her sister is inapplicable.

I would like my daughter to return to public school, and that will happen when a program can be established to meet her needs. I look forward to working with you towards that end.

Sincerely,

2010-04-22T10:17:00.005-04:00

Oh my gosh, I do believe my deaf daughter would be a perfect candidate for the show "What Not To Wear". It is a new episode every morning when she comes down. I have learned not to to expect 'normal', whatever that is. This morning she came down in pants 2 inches too long, and a belt scrunching large amounts of material at the waist, AND a turquoise long sleeve shirt underneath a short sleeve white and yellow t-shirt! And every day she comes downstairs with her pants stuffed into her socks so that she looks like she's wearing pantaloons, (did I just date myself?). It is never ending.
The other day I hit my limit because the coping many times a day with her finally was too much. She didn't like the label in a shirt because it made her itch so she ripped it out leaving two large holes in it, I was not happy. She had asked for scissors several times before to cut out labels, so she did know better. The same day I discovered that she had ripped the glued-in inserts out of her new shoes. This is just a small bit of many things that occur every day. She has also broken several things as well. It is SO hard not to become frustrated with her! She has lived isolated all her life with no auditory input to learn what you do and don't do. No one cared enough to correct her or try to communicate with her. I need to gear myself to think of her as a toddler and watch her at all times, (that will be exhausting), which will be hard to remember because she is almost 12 years old.

A friend informed me how to withdraw my daughter from school legally so they don't come after me. I have completed the necessary letters, now I just need to include back-up documents of why I think how they are teaching my daughter is inadequate.

Since I must complete everything today, I'll leave off for now, but I will be adding more tid bits as the day wears on.

AND to top off all that, my dh was walking through her room, and I heard him say, "What are you doing? What were you going to do with that?" I called, "Do you need me?" "Yes, you better come." I walked in and my dh said that she had her shirt raised and a pencil in her hand. She was about to draw circles on her stomach!! I asked her, "Where you going to draw on your skin?" She nodded. "WHY?" I asked. She shrugged. "Why were you going to draw on your stomach?" She replied, "To play." Oh heaven help me, she IS a toddler in a 12 year old body.

I have worked all day on the paperwork that I am assembling for my other daughter to give to the Superintendent tomorrow. I think I'm permanently stuck to this chair. And I got nothing done for the birthday party today. This is so not like me. Before children (B.C.) I was a type A, now I'm a type Z.

2010-04-19T21:49:00.008-04:00

On the lighter side...My daughter who is deaf is eating massive amounts of food. I am not exaggerating! The least she eats is 3 helpings at dinner, but her usual amount is 4 helpings, large helpings as well.
Here, she finally grabbed the serving bowl to finish everything off!. This was her 4th. And according to her Doctor, in one and a half months, she has gained seven pounds and almost 2 inches in height! I have no idea what to expect her final height will be at this point.

Driving today I pointed to a deer crossing the road, she let out such a long loud scream of delight that she scared me! I was not prepared for that kind of reaction. With all the wild life around here and Spring practically here, perhaps I should invest in some ear plugs...
I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what to do with my daughter's Sweet 16 party. She's invited 10 girls for the night. When she first arrived three and a half years ago she was so emotionally and socially immature that I put her in 4th grade at 12.5. It has worked out beautifully because the group of kids in that grade are so nice. So she will be 16 and her friends are 12/13. It's kinda hard to plan for that age range and make everyone, and the birthday girl happy. My daughter is finicky, and doesn't like the usual things. But I may have found a solution. I'l share with you once I solidify the details.

2010-04-18T21:55:00.009-04:00

Anna if you would like to contact me further, it would be so interesting for me. So please email me at: nicoj5473@yahoo.com.
Now, to catch up quickly. I am dismayed at our school system. I went through all the proper channels to get the appropriate teaching resources for my daughter to learn English. And as you remember I even had someone from the State call the Director of Special Services with her "thoughts" on what would an appropriate instructors training should be and the that should be used. I even had a strong conversation with the Superintendent and Assistant Superintendent of Schools. Nothing has happened. Thursday my daughter broke down in tears, she was miserable. Here is a typical day for her, in her words. She goes to the teacher who is supposed to be teaching her English, in fact she is a reading teacher. The teacher asks her what book she wants to read. Of course it doesn't cross her mind that she's only been in the country several weeks and hasn't a clue to what book to read. Next she is given a book and instructed to write down words she doesn't know, like proclamation, cactus, Musketeers, construction paper and asteroids. These are not the type of words you use to teach English as a second language. She has yet to learn grammar, sentence structure and appropriate vocabulary.

Thus I have informed the powers that be, that until they provide a n appropriate English program for my daughter, I will be home schooling her.
She also had said that in history she just waited for the bell to ring because she could not understand what was being said, and in math she is at least 3 years above what they are teaching and she was bored. She was so frustrated she said through her tears, she couldn't understand what she was supposed to be learning in English as it was being taught to her. I have taught her in two days more than she has learned in three weeks.
And did I mention, we got in today another foster bunny?

2010-04-17T23:19:00.000-04:00

I am so sorry, I never got to write today. I had major house cleaning today, search out a few recipes, and run to the store with a list and have guests arrive at 3:30 for a BBQ. They have two children. SO by the time they left, we had 10 people around the table and tons of food, and we finally cleaned up it was late. I needed to sort out a few things, put in a laundry, and now look what time it is. Never mind, tomorrow is another day.

2010-04-16T21:22:00.001-04:00

I will update on Saturday early afternoon, instead of midnight as I usually do. I'll also have a picture or two to share.

A message to one of my visitors who has been a regular for a long time. They are from ICELAND - Reykjavik, Gullbringusysla.

I would like to know how you are fairing with the eruption of the volcano. How have you been effected? Please let me know if you are alright.

2010-04-16T00:17:00.002-04:00

Just a note to say I'll fill you all in tomorrow, but bottom line, I'm pulling my adopted daughter out of school until they set up an appropriate English course and schedule for her. She has been suffering for several weeks and it all came out tonight.

Today I subbed for 6th grade (Math!), then drove to the next town to pick up my 90 year old Mom to bring her home to visit with her grandchildren then back to where she is staying (about a 40 minute drive one way). Then between 6:00 and just getting home now, 12:20 am, I went on a call for a 86 year old male who fell, to a school where the fire alarm kept going off even though it was reset numerous times (had to keep searching the building) and finally to a two car motor vehicle accident. I'm tired.

2010-04-13T23:56:00.002-04:00

A quickie update tonite, it's after 11:00, I just got home from a call to a new born, born at home not breathing. So I was on scene by the time he was 45 minutes old. Very interesting for me since I have never seen a baby that young before. Although the infant was breathing a bit by the time we got there, he was blue. By the time we got to the hospital he had pinked up but still had grunting sounds. I believe he is going to be fine.

I am going to list a few things that my deaf daughter has done, definitely keeps me on my toes.
Walked by her room and saw her tearing pages out of a book I leant her.
Still trying to wear the same clothes two days in a row.
Walked into the dentist's office and proceeded to walk right past reception into the back rooms.
Purposely was going to 'steal' a magazine when we left the office. I stopped her and signed that's not yours, it belongs to the office. She looked at me with a "So?" look on her face. I again signed you do not take things that are not yours, it belongs here. She looked at me like I've got to be kidding. Finally I said, it is stealing and you do not ever do that. You never take things that don't belong to you.... Nothing. ... I signed "Put it back." She got an attitude look on her face and sauntered back in and put it down.
Then she washed her gardening gloves that should not have been washed.
We all went out for a walk after dinner and I told her to stay on the left side of the road, and explained why. I also asked her to either walk next to me or behind me, not way out in front of me. Well she did, and on the right side, and a car came along and she was just about to weave over into it's path. I ran and reached out and caught her hood and yanked her back just as the car went by. Was I angry (and a little bit scared) you betcha. My fingers were flying at her. It was quite frustrating not being able to say everything I wanted to because her ASL is so limited. But I got my point across. And she cried. When we finally got home, I had a very long talk with her through Bable Fish. I explained how being scared also looks like anger, was I angry, yes, but not as much scared that she might be hit by a car. And so on... It took about 40 minutes.

I have come to realize that she has grown up in a very sequestered environment with very few reality checks, learning what common sense is or how to use it and very little awareness of how the real world works. Yes, it is going to be a long road.

"My cheeks hurt I smile too much."

2010-04-11T22:57:00.003-04:00

Is what she signed to me today. We had installed a video phone connected to our TV. So if someone calls her that also has the video phone installed, the screen is spilt, with my daughter on one side signing and the person calling on the other side signing. Now is she wants to call a hearing person, she just pushes a button on the remote and it's connected to the relay service. This service appears up in the corner of the screen signing to my daughter, my daughter gives the number that she wants, the hearing person answers "Hello", and the person signs "Hello", then my daughter starts signing and the interpreter voices it to the hearing person, and everyone can see everyone else.

And what's really cool, that my daughter went bananas over, was with the remote she could make the camera go up or down, right or left, zoom in or out. It also has an instant connection to 911, which is important.

Also today, that Chinese woman that I told you I met before that knows Chinese sign, came for a visit today bringing her two roommates. They are all teaching Chinese to students here for one year. While two of my daughters chatted in Chinese with two of them, I sat down at the table with my deaf daughter and the teacher who knew Chinese sign. Now I could ask all those questions I have been wanting to ask. We spent two hours talking and signing. I found out SO much about her that would have taken me at least another year to know. There were times while I watched them signing I felt teary because for the first time I felt I was really getting to know my daughter. I encouraged her to ask me anything, but she couldn't think of anything. So I prompted some questions. "What is making you cry, when nothing really is happening at that time?" She signed that she didn't feel like she was good enough, that I was disappointed in her and she didn't feel she could be like her sisters... And through this tears started welling up in her eyes. Oh, as a Mother can you imagine what I felt? I wanted to say so much so fast, but I needed to find a reply that could translate and be understood. The teacher explained to me, that deaf Chinese children in 3rd grade do not understand abstract concepts nor how to express their emotions. (That explained a lot). So I explained that she didn't have try to be very good, or very smart, or do extra work just for me to approve. We picked her to be in the family just the way she is. We love her as her. And if one of her sister breaks a rule, or disobeys, our love does not go away. That is how we are with you, our love will never go away. Each sister is different, older sister is good in art, twins are not, you are good in making crafts, your sister is not. Each sister is different and special, and that is good. She seemed to understand.

I also found out about several abusive situations that she received from a couple of her teachers, and from a couple of older girls in her orphanage. THAT made me very very angry. I made sure that she knew that no one will be allowed to EVER touch her again. Because if anyone hurts my daughters with their hands or words, I will personally deal with it (and I punched my right fist into my left hand for her to get the idea that I meant it). She did understand and was impressed.

I know that she understood me when I explained about 'our love never goes away' because tonight I was firm with her when she wasn't in bed by 8:00. At 7:24 I told her to remember that in 30 minutes you are in bed, lights out. She signed she understood. Well she came downstairs at 8:20. "Why aren't you in bed?" "I don't know." "It is 8:20, you are 20 minutes late to bed. It is your responsibility to watch the time to get to bed at 8:00." "I was talking with a friend." (on QQ) "Talking with a friend is not O.K. to be late for bed time." I realized at this point it was too complicated to explain with limited American sign. I went to Bable Fish, wrote a paragraph explaining the whole thing again, and why she needs to follow instructions. Once she read the translation, she looked at me sheepishly, and I knew she knew, but she thought that she could get away with it. Don't think that this hasn't happened before. So I firmly said that she was not to miss 8:00 again, and talking with a friend is not a good reason to miss bedtime.

Now usually at this point she would be in tears as she had in the past, but she wasn't. She signed, "Should I shut down the computer?" I signed, "Yes, go to bed now." I waited about 15 minutes and went upstairs, and, as in the past, she would be crying. Her light was off, I went into her room, she was facing the wall, and I peeked over at her and she was talking to herself. (Don't ask...) I leaned my head on hers, she smiled and moved close, I kissed her, and she said and signed "Good night," with a big smile. That's how I know she understood that she was unconditionally loved and accepted because she didn't get upset. WOW a huge leap for our relationship.

She hears sounds!!!!!

2010-04-09T21:46:00.005-04:00

This is one happy girl.

There's a ways to go with adjustments and such. She did hear me voice and dh's AND she heard her name for the first time. She even tried to say it! She also said bye, bye, Papa, pingua (apple in Chinese).
She now has another world to explore! In 10 days we will go back for frequency adjusting. These hearing aids can hook into FM devices to a speech teacher can speak directly with her. It can also be hooked to a phone, music, computer. This is quite exciting.

When all my girls got home form school today they had a lot of fun interacting with her. It was a great day.

I need to cut this short, I am on night duty tonight, and I'm on duty tomorrow at a 10K run until 2:00, then we are having a family foto taken, then to friends for a BBQ and older daughter off to a party. Which is also where she is tonight. At a b-day party sleep over.

Regarding those papers that Immigration messed up at the airport... everything was being tracked and processed until today. I got two letters saying since both my daughters are over 14 they have to go to the local Homeland Security office and be sworn in! NEITHER are 14 years old. Here we go again!